The Stallion in the Library
by Leonidas701
Summary: 2 weeks after defeating Nightmare Moon, Twilight finds a visitor in her library. Who is this stallion, where did he come from, and why is he so interested in Pinkie Pie? Please do not judge the whole story just off the first chapter, I only got a beta starting with Ch. 2 OC- centric Alternate Universe story. Some OOC
1. A Stranger Comes to Town

_Bang, Bang, Bang._ "Hey Twilight, open up."

"mmmh... five more minutes Princess, then I'll go to sleep..."

**BANG, BANG, BANG**

"Seriously Twi, wake up. I really need your help."

*_Yawnnnn_* "Okay, Okay, I'm up Spike, what do you need help with? Did a bookshelf fall down on you again?"

As Twilight moved to get up from her seat, her thought process went something like this.

_" Uhhggg. Why are my legs so stiff?_ then she took a look down at where she was sitting. _I really need to stop falling asleep at my desk. Maybe I should try reading in bed. No, no I've tried that already, and I still have the bump on my head from where the book fell down after I fell asleep and lost my focus on levitating it. I wonder what Spike needs now? I swear if he's gotten his tail stuck under another fallen bookshelf I will- Wait, if he's banging on my door then he can't be trapped. _These realizations led to her growing excited at the thought of something, anything, happening to break up the monotony that these past few weeks had been, which led to her running to the door, which led to her falling due to stiff muscles refusing to move. _Oh right, now I remember why Celestia makes me have a bed._

After she had picked herself up off the ground and opened up her bedroom door, her assistant, a young dragon named Spike, grabbed her by the hoof and started pulling her down the stairs, hurriedly explaining what was happening while he did so.

"There's this guy downstairs who just barged in 10 minutes ago, pulled several books out of the shelves, and just threw them down at the nearest table and started reading them." Spike said breathlessly, " He won't leave and so I need you to tell him off."

" What!" Exclaimed Twilight. "How dare he." "_It took me week to get those shelves all straightened up and organized!_" She galloped down the rest of the way and when she got to the ground floor, she saw an earth pony stallion with a red mane that had blue tips, along with a coat as orange as the flames in her fireplace, wearing a brown jacket.

"Excuse me," Said Twilight as she walked over to his desk, "Who are you?"

"Isn't it polite to give your name before inquiring about others?" said the stallion.

"Fair enough, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Now then, what are you doing here?"

"I'm reading."

"I can see that. Why are you reading here, this is my house."

"I thought that this was a public library, not some private dwelling. The door was unlocked so I assumed that the place was open. If you were not ready yet then why didn't you lock the door?"

"_That door has a lock?_", Thought Twilight.

"If I somehow got the directions wrong, then can you please point me in the direction of the real library." the stallion said as he moved to leave.

"No, no," Twilight said hurriedly, " You're in the right place, it's just that your the first person to come here since I was sent here, and I guess that I had... Well..."

"You had what?"

"I forgot that this place actually was a public library, I guess I had just started to think of it as home after a while" she said sheepishly.

"Really," The Stallion said curiously, " Nobodies ever been here before me? That's quite sad, there really is a stunning selection of books here. Such a shame that they've gone unread for so long."

" Well, this place was only recently re-opened, and I guess most of the townsfolk still think of it as just an empty space."

"Huh. So you've been all alone here since you moved in?"

"Well no, there's also Sp- Spike?" He had run off sometime during their discussion.

"Spspike?", the stallion said with a confused look on his face," what kind of a na-"

"YAH!" came the yell as said dragon jumped out from behind the stallion, his arms outspread holding a fishing net with the clear intention of catching the stallion who, in his mind, broke into his home.

"Spike!" Twilight said as she tried to lower her heartbeat, "What are you doing?"

"Don't worry Twilight, I've got the intruder right he- Huh?" Spike said as he looked down at his empty net. "Where did he go?"

"I'm right here." Said the stallion, who was now five feet away from where he had been standing, with a faintly amused expression on his face.

" Oh my Celestia," said a panicking Twilight " I am so, so, sorry, Spike apologize to him right now!"

" Don't worry about it, I'm fine. However," and at this point he turned to Spike, "You should really work on masking your footsteps. I could hear you coming when you were in the closet."

Spike, trying to cover up his blunder said "Yeah, well what are you doing here? Bet you came in here to try and steal our stuff."

"Spike, don't be rude, he's just visiting the library." At the end of her scolding Twilight turned to the visitor and said "I'm sorry sir, he's a little hyperactive sometimes."

"Like I said, don't sweat it. I get worse whenever I go home." The stallion said, "Hell, I used to be like that myself."

"Well," said Twilight, while wondering at his strange word _What's a hell?_, "I hope that he hasn't dissuaded you from visiting the library more often. Here, let me go set you up with a library card." As Twilight walked off to do just that she realized that she had no idea how to make a library card for someone. As she prepared to go back, an idea struck her. She went back into the library, and asked for the mysterious stranger to come with her. She then went up to her room, found her old note cards, and using an old magic spell she was taught by Celestia, she imprinted his image onto the card.

"There," She said, "any books you want to check out just tell me and I'll write them on the back of this card for you."

"Cool," said the stallion, "I guess I'll check out all of those books I was reading just now."

"Oh, you're leaving already?" Twilight said, with a strange feeling of disappointment as she started to check out his books for him.

"Yeah, it's getting to be about lunchtime. Hey look, I'm pretty new here, and I don't feel like cooking my own food. I don't suppose that you could point me to a good restaurant in this town, could you?"

"Ummmm, yeah there's one good one that I know of. I'm fairly new to this town myself, you see."

"Oh really?"

"Uh-huh. Just moved in two weeks ago actually."

" Huh. Well you've got about 9 days on me. Now about that restaurant."

"Oh well you see, I don't really know the address."

"Oh, that's a shame."

"We- well, maybe I could show you where it is?" Twilight said uncertainly while thinking, _" Maybe I could try to make a friend without almost being killed by angry goddess._

"Oh that would be awesome, Thanks a lot!" the stallion said with a grin.

"Yeah, just let me finish checking these books out for you." Twilight said while calling for Spike to come and write out the book titles on the card.

- Five minutes later. -

"Okay that's: Who Goes There, Aces High, Orca, Artemis Foal and the Atlantis Complex, and finally The Art of War. Is that all of them?" Twilight said.

"Yep, now come on, let's go!" exclaimed that stallion after waving his sleeve over the books.

"Wait don't you want to grab your books," she said as she reached under the table to get a bag for him.

"No time, Hungry now!"He then grabbed Twilight by the hoof and ran out the door so fast that her legs were all but swept out from under her.

_"Damnit that's the same hoof Spike grabbed me by, I think that leg is almost out of its socket by now. Wait, aren't I supposed to be showing him where to go?_" She then almost looked back to tell Spike to watch the library but then decided there would be no point. Shame that she didn't, because if she had she probably would have noticed the conspicuous lack of books on the table.

* * *

A/N: A good part of this story is already up on Fimfiction, and I'll be posting up new chapters every three days until I have caught up to where I am on that site.


	2. Introductions of a Sort

After Twilight had gotten her legs back underneath her, she informed the stallion that he was going the wrong way. He then promptly stopped, let go of her hoof, and turned around so fast that she had to slam her back hooves into the ground so hard that she made grooves in the road in order to stop herself from crashing into him. She then turned them onto the correct path, ( or what she thought was the correct path,) and they were now heading merrily on their way to the restaurant. Along the way they struck up a conversation about their favorite books.

"I like to read biographies of famous people. It enthralls me to be walked through their lives, to see all these historical figures as just normal ponies. It's almost surreal," Said Twilight. "What type of book do you like?"

"Well," said the firey stallion, "I honestly enjoy all manner of stories, even childrens books. though I would have to say that my favorite genre by far is science fiction, or speculative fiction as a whole. It amazes me what so many different people think of the outcome that our species is heading towards, from crushing tyranny to paradise. All the possibilities boggle the mind, don't you think."

"Well I couldn't really say, I honestly never read very much science fiction.

"WHAT!" Yelled out the stallion, "Really?"

"Really" said Twilight, "Never interested me all that much"

" Oh you have no idea what you're missing. Tell you what next time I head to the library I will bring some books that I think you should read, Ok?

"Ok." Responded Twilight, slightly taken aback by his passionate display.

"Great! Now then, where is this restaurant you were talking about."

"Well it should be-" Twilight suddenly stopped and took her first good look around in 10 minutes. "Not here. Where are we?"

"Are you saying we're lost?"

"No... well okay kinda."

"Oh well, I remember-" At this the stallion got a strange look on his face and stopped talking.

"Uh, remember what." The stallion shook his head and then said.

"I remember all the turns you took to g- DODGE!"

"Wha-" was all that Twilight could say before being lifted up onto his back and being moved at what felt like a hundred miles per hour. Good thing too because right afterwards, there was a loud ***THUMP***and an oddly shaped hole right where they were standing.

Out of the hole came a faint "Owww."

After dropping the shocked Twilight, the stallion rushed over to the hole and said, "Hey can you tell us where to find... umm...," He turned towards Twilight, "What was the name of the restaurant that we were heading to?"

"SugarCube Corner."

"Thanks. Can you tell us how to get to SugarCube Corner?"

A figure climbed out of the hole. "I know that voice." it said.

It looked around. "Twilight! I haven't seen you since the party last week, where have you been?"

"Oh hi Rainbow. I've been in the library. Where is this place?" asked Twilight.

"This is my training grounds."

"Oh well that explains all the holes in the ground. Anyway wouldn't that be training skies?" said the stallion.

"Twilight, you never told me you had a coltfriend." said Rainbow Dash, ignoring the stallion

"Sure, just ignore my clever little quip not like you would understand it anyways" muttered the stallion under his breath.

"Wha- he's not my-" sputtered Twilight

"Oh, first date then?" While Twilights' tongue continued to attempt to tie itself into knots, the stallion decided to speak up.

"Oh no, it's not a date. You see Twilight here was nice enough to offer to show me where a decent restaurant was, but due to my going in the wrong direction, we seem to be lost. So back to my original question, do you know where SugarCube Corner is?"

"Uh yeah, it's just past the town hall. Here let me show you." Rainbow Dash pulled a map out from one of her saddlebags. "We're here, and S.C.C. is right here. Now tell me how did you get little Twi to come out o-" Rainbow Dash looked up from her map and saw the stallion dragging off Twilight who was still doing her best impression of a motor trying to start. the stallion was calling out over his shoulder.

"Okay, thanks, bye, see you around Rainy."

"Jerk. Who just ignores the best flyer in Equestria like that. Really" muttered Rainbow Dash while she was getting prepped to attempt the trick again. When she was in the sky however she got distracted by a stray thought and nearly fell down again. _Wait, did he just call me... __**Rainy?!**_

- Seamless Transition -

"So that Rainy mare was one of your friends?"

"Yeah. She helped me def-" Twilight halted for a moment here, not wanting to chase her potential friend away by telling him that she was a Bearer of Harmony, "Out of a tight spot a while ago."

"Oh really. Huh," the stallion shrugged his shoulders and kept walking, "So if Rainy's map was right then the restaurant should be just around the next corner."

"Ah, here it is." said Twilight. " SugarCube Corner."

"Finally, I can get some food." the stallion opened up the door, "Mares first."

"Thank you."

"So do we go up to the counter and order or just si-"

***HHHAAAAHHHH***

"Oh please god no." prayed the stallion as he put his head in his hooves, "Anyone but her."

"_OHMYCELESTIAITSYOUMRSTRANGERIDIDNTGETYOURNAMEBEFOR EORYOURADDRESSSOICOULDNTTHROWYOUAWELCOMINGPARTYWHE NISAWYOUBUTYOUWERENICEENOUGHTOCOMEFINDMENOWICANTHR OWYOUABIGPARTYWITHSTREAMERSANDCAKEANDBALLOONSANDCA KEANDCONFETTIANDCAKEAN-_" the hyperactive mare took a breath and the stallion seized the oppurtunity.

"** WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP, AND LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ANNOYING, IMMATURE, LITTLE BRAT!**" At this the hyperactive mare got a shocked look on her face and ran up the stairs. The entire restaurant went quiet.

"Thank you." said the stallion then with a emotional drift speed that would impress Takumi Fujiwara he turned back to a stunned Twilight. "Now back to what I was saying, do we go up to the counter to order, or just sit down and wait to be served."

"W- we just sit down." Twilight said

"Ok then let's see they have on the menu. Hayburgers, Prench Fries, hey why is the dessert section 3 pages long and the meal part only-"

"Uh. Excuse me."

"Yeah."

"What the Tartarus was that?" Twilight said, barely keeping control over herself.

"What was what?"

"Don't you what me, what was that outburst just now that you threw at Pinkie Pie. You look like you seriously hurt her feelings."

"So her name is... Pinkie Pie," The Stallion said with a scrunched up face.

"Yes and you should go up there and apologize for what you ju-"

"**BBBBBWWWAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhaaaahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaaahahahahahaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaa aaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha**" came out from the stallion, which distracted Twilight on two fronts one being the ridiculous amount of time he was laughing, and the other being the glow that was coming out from under his jacket.

After a while however the glow receded and the stallion stopped laughing so outrageously, so he was able to say this.

"Ok, the reason why I just exploded at *teehee* Pinkie Pie is because I have tried literally everything else to get her to leave me alone."

"So, you've met before?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah, almost everytime I came into Ponyville she would pop up and do, well, basically what you just saw her do. I have tried everything to get her to leave me alone. I've tried asking, I've tried begging, I've tried bribes, I've tried threats, this is the first time I've gotten her to leave me alone without having to lose her in the crowd. Wherever I could find one at least, stupid under-crowded suburbia. I shudder to imagine what might have happened if she found out where I lived. Yeesh."

"That's still no excuse for causing a scene in a public place. Especially not in her house. you were seriously out of line." Said Twilight while trying to mimic the tone that Celestia would use with her when she got into trouble.

"Yeah, I know. I just- I just really really hate ponies like her. *sigh* Look, next time i come into town I'll swing by this place and apologize to her. Ok?"

"Yeah, ok." Twilight said while she made a mental note to ask what he meant by 'Ponies like Pinkie Pie.' (Frankly the thought of there being more then one of her made Twilight shiver.) "So what are you getting?" After they had finished eating their food, the Stallion said that he had to get going.

"What, already? You haven't even had dessert yet." said Twilight.

"Yeah, it's getting kinda late and I have to head home. Waiter, Check please!"

The check came, and the instant it hit the table the stallion picked it up. "I'll pay."

"No no, I can pay," said Twilight, gearing up for one of the arguments she always had with her brother about paying for their food, but then she was surprised.

"Ok, we can split the check if you want." said the stallion.

"Oh... Ok." said Twilight shocked and slightly disappointed that the argument she was gearing up for wouldn't come.

"I can walk you home if you like."

"Ok sure." The trip back to the house was filled with a conversation about one of the few books they had both read, Harvest Moon.

"Look all I'm saying is that there's no way it could have done that if it were purple!"

"...Maybe. Oh hey look we're back."

"Cool. I'll swing by in a week or so to return the books and to bring you mine."

"And...?"

*sigh* "And to apologize to Pie"

"Good. So long... uh-" said Twilight, slightly confused.

"What's wrong?" said the stallion, a curious look on his face.

"Well," Twilight said, blushing "I just realized that you never told me your name."

"Oh." said the stallion. "I thought I was forgetting something. Well you can call me Card.

"Ok, so long Card. Good night." Said Twilight.

"Yeah you too." Card said over his shoulder as he headed out. Twilight walked into her tree, said good night to Spike, who was standing just behind the door holding another net, "Just incase the thief comes back!" and went to her bedroom

"_ Well today was a lot of fun. Made a friend and I didn't even have to get almost killed this time. Well maybe if you count that part with Rainbow Dash. How did he move so fast anyway? Speaking of todays weirdness, where could he possibly live that Pinkie wasn't able to find him? And also how did he get his books? He never picked them up, I certainly never saw him carrying them around today. Ah, well maybe I __***Yawn* **__ I.. I should ask him wh- __**Snore**_" was as far as she got before sleep overtook her.

* * *

A/N: If you're liking this story, or have any problems with it so far, please tell me why in a review. Thanks :-)


	3. Not So Different

***Slam*** went the door as Twilight closed the door to the library.

"What was that about?" Spike asked Twilight as he put down his tail, having grabbed it to avoid being caught in the door.

"It- it's nothing Spike." Twilight said as she looked away. "I'm going to go to my room, it's been a long morning. Why don't you go help out Rarity."

Spike was a bit hesitant to leave his friend, but his mind was quickly filled up with fantasies of Rarity praising him for helping her, and being so attentive, and then she would offer to reward him for his hard work and- "Ok, thanks Twilight. See you soon."

"Yeah, bye." As soon as Spike was out the door Twilight went up to her room, flopped onto the bed and started crying into her pillow. _It's all still the same, I can't believe I ever thought it would be different._As Twilight lay there, drowning her pillow and drenching her sheets she decided that no, she would not deal with this again. She got up out of her bed, went to her desk and started writing. _Dear Princess, I am sorry but I can't stay here in Ponyv_

Suddenly there came a knock at the door. She put the unfinished letter into her drawer and, barely holding herself together, went down the stairs. _Bet that's Spike. Thought Rarity would keep him distracted for longer then._ She looked over at a clock. _15 minutes. How am I gonna tell him that we need to leave?_ She got to the front door and opened it, preparing for an exuberant Spike to tell her all about how Rarity dropped her needle and thanked him for picking it up. What she found instead was Card, who said,

"Hey I finished up all those books and came to return them. I even brought some Sci-Fi from my personal collection." He said as he walked into the tree. _A likely story. I bet he's here for the tickets too._"Have you ever heard of a book called Dragon's Egg." He turned around, looked at Twilight, opened his mouth-

_Here we go, he'll start talking about all these great book, then probably mention their author who, shock of all shocks, happens to be going to the gala, and can he please go t-_ But then he said something strange. Something that noone, not her parents, not Shining, not Celestia, had ever said to her. At least not without her leading them into it. Card took one good look at her and then said,

"Twinkly, what's wrong?" With a look of concern on his face.

At this Twilight lost it, she broke down into tears where she was standing. Card, after taking off his jacket, went over and held her, whispering comfort into her ear. Twilight couldn't take it, she had to let it out, she told him everything. Told him about being the personal student of Celestia, and how that affected her social life. About how ponies would try to get close to her just to get the ear of the princess, how foals would only pretend to be her friend so that they could get all the cool stuff she had in the palace and then leave her as soon as they had gotten what they wanted. She told him about putting on a brave face so as not to worry Celestia, and throwing herself into her studying just so that she had a way to get away from the pain all the betrayals had caused her. Then, after all that, she told him about being sent to Ponyville by Celestia to learn about friendship, but really to stop Nightmare Moon's return. She told him how she found the elements of harmony along with Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie (who's name caused him to bite his hoof,), Fluttershy, Applejack (who's name made his eyebrows scrunch up), and Rarity. Then she got to today.

"It all started again."She choked out in-between sobs "They all started to press me, told me all of their great fantasies of what would happen at the gala. When I told them that I would have to think about it they started in with gifts, trying to bribe their way into my friendship. Then they all ganged up on me, not just my so-called friends but everypony in town. I grabbed Spike and wished they would all just go away. The next thing I knew, I had teleported to the library. You know what's funny though? I would have gladly gone with them, I would have given away my ticket without a second thought, if only they had just said that they wanted to to the gala _with me_, not just go." She gave off a few hiccups and then stood back up. As Card went to pick up his jacket she said," Thanks for listening. I feel so much better now."

"No problem," dismissed Card, "but I wouldn't be so ready to dismiss your friends just yet. From what you told me, I doubt that they were doing this on purpose. Why don't you try telling them that the way they acted was rude and hurt your feelings. See how they react when they realize what they were doing. It might surprise you."

"I don't know if I can see them yet." admitted Twilight with a shaky voice.

"So wait a while. See if they come to the conclusion on their own after they've cooled down a bit."

"Are you certain?"

"Postive," Card reassured her. "I'll even come with you when you're ready to do it. What's important is that you don't judge everyone based off of the past, whether it's your past or theirs."

"Okay, I guess," Twilight said uncertainly. She wiped off her tears. "So where are these books of yours."

"Right on that table," said Card.

_When did those get there?_ "Ok, so I believe you brought up a book named Dragon's Egg? That sounds interesting."

"Oh, you have no idea."

-2 hours of reading later-

"Well, it's getting to be kinda late. I should probably get going. why don't you hold on to those books, see if you can get through them all." Card said, while looking at a clock above Twilight's head.

"You're leaving so soon?" Twilight said, not wanting the one who was quickly becoming her best friend, aside from Spike, to go.

"Well, I still have to go give Pie that apology you made me promise to give her."

"Oh, " Twilight said, recalling the outburst at SugarCube Corner. "Well let me come with you. I need to go to Rarity's to pick up Spike, and I want to talk to her about today before my nerves leave me. Carousel Boutique isn't that far away from

"Okay," Card said, "Now, do you know where Pie is?"

"N- no, actually," Twilight admitted, "I haven't seen her since you exploded at her and she ran off to her room."

"Well that's a good place to start. Even if we don't find her there, we can at least get some food. Let's go." He headed over to and then opened the door, "Mares first."

"Thank you"

"No problem. Now, what do you think of your first foray into the galaxy that is Sci-fi?"

**_While they go off on their little walk, let us check in with someone else who's day is not going so well. TELEPORT TO S.C.C., AWAY!_**

***Knock, knock, knock***

"Who's there?" came softly from beyond the door.

"It's me dearie. I have your food."

"..." Taking the silence as a yes, Ms. Cake opened the door to see a deflated Pinkie Pie, sitting on her bedroom floor with rivulets of tears on her cheeks.

"Here you go dearie." Said Ms. Cake, " I made your favorite. Triple decker pink bombs."

"... Not hungry." At this Ms. Cake sighed, put her tray down onto Pinkie's bed and then came to sit down next to her.

"Dearie, you have to eat."

"Don't feel like it." Pinkie whispered, not even bothering to look at her mother-figure.

"Pinkie..."

"... How could he be so mean."

"I don't know." Ms. Cake said, remembering the event that caused her daughter in all but blood such pain.

"I was just trying to make him feel welcome. I gave him a cake, I tried to throw him a party, I even followed him all around town to see where he lived so I throw him a housewarming party. But no matter what he just ran away... Then he said.. he said..." Pinkie Pie started to cry again. The sight made Ms. Cake's heart break, and she hugged her, tried to protect her from the world.

"Some ponies are just bitter hateful creatures. He was probably somepony who can only see the bad in things. Ponies like him exist, and they say some hurtful things, but you can't let them bother you. You need to let your life go on."

"..." Ms. Cake sighed again, got up, and moved to pick up the tray."

"... Leave it here, please."

"Yes, dearie. When you're done, come down to put it away. Ok?" Ms. Cake said with a smile appearing on her face.

"... Ok."

At this Ms. Cake left the room and rushed back to the kitchen where her husband was.

"Any progress?" Mr. Cake asked.

"She's asked me to leave the tray."

"That's fantastic."

"I agree dearie, it's just..." Ms. Cake got a slight frown, "It's been three days since that stallion was here. I can't imagine why she's still upset."

"Pinkie's delicate, you know that."

"I know, but still. I just wish there were more we could do for her."

"So do I sweetheart." at this Mr. Cake swept his wife up into a hug. "So do I.

**_Now back to our two walkers. What? No I'm not going to teleport you, they're right outside! Lazy bums. *grumble, grumble, kids these days..., grumble, grumble*_**

"Ok, we're here," said Twilight.

"Awesome," Card then turned over to face Twilight, "Now Twinkly are you sure that you don't want me with you when you

talk to that Rarity mare?"

"Yes." Twilight said with a determined look on her face. "I need to confront them on my own."

"Ok, if you're sure." Card remarked with an uncertain tone in his voice.

"I am. Now, don't you have an apology to deliver."

"Yeah, ok. Bye."

"Goodbye." Twilight waved her hoof goodbye at set off on the path to Rarity's business, leaving Card standing there on his own.

"Well," Card said, turning his attention to the restaurant in front of him, "Might as well get it over with."

***Chime Chime*** went the bells as Card pushed open the door.

"Hello, how may I help y-" Mr. Cake stopped in the middle of his greeting upon seeing who it was at his door way. His face

darkened, he snapped out, "What do you want."

"I came here to apologize to Pie for my rude behavior." said Card before he bowed to Mr. Cake and said "I would also

like to apologize to you for causing such a disturbance in your restaurant."

"Oh." said one very taken-aback Mr. Cake, whatever he was expecting an apology clearly wasn't at the top of his list. "Well if you're here to apologize, then I suppose I shouldn't stop you. Pinkie is right upstairs, here let me show you to her room."

"Thank you."

"You know, what you said to her hurt her really bad." Mr. Cake said as he lead the stallion up the stairs.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She hasn't eaten, has barely talked to anyone, she won't even leave her room except to go to the bathroom."

"Really, now." Card said with a troubled look on his face, "That's not good."

"I know. Whatever you plan on saying to her, it had better be good. Here's her room."

"Thank you." Card said as he opened the door. Mr. Cake just walked down the stairs, back to his kitchen.

Card took his first steps into the dark room, when suddenly he heard a tiny voice say,

"The tray's outside Ms. Cake. It was delicious, thank you." Pinkie Pie said, still on the ground not even turning to look at the door.

"I'm not Ms. Cake." Card said in his most delicate voice, but to no avail. As soon as Pinkie heard that voice, the one that had been in her nightmares, she dashed to the farthest possible place in her room she could get to.

"Wh- What do you want." She stammered out. Card took a few steps towards her.

"I just want to-"

"No! Don't come any closer!" She said as she tried to push herself into the wall.

"Fine, I'll stay here. I just wanted to apologize to you. I am very, very sorry."

"Re- Really?" Pinkie asked, peeling herself off the wall. "you mean it?"

"Yes I d-"

"YAY! I knew nopony could say all those mean things!" She ran over to try to give him a hug, only to crash straight into a wall.

"Wait what?" Card said with a confused look on his face, "What do you think I'm apologizing for?"

"For all of those meanie-mean things you said!" Pinkie said as she bounced around, her hair now coming back to full inflation.

"What?" Card said as he shook his head, "I'm not apologizing for that."

"O-o-oh." Pinkie went as she slowly stopped bouncing around and her hair began to straighten out again.

"Yeah." Card said as he looked at her, "I meant every word I said to you. What I came to apologize for is bursting out at you at, not only your job, but your home. That was very rude of me, and I apologize for it from the bottom of my heart." At this Pinkie started crying again.

"B- B- But I- I- I-" She said while whimpering "I did all those things for you. I gave you a cake.

"You threw it in my face!"

"I threw you a party."

"You fired at cannon at me!"

"I even tried to find out where you live so I could throw you a housewarming party. How can be so mean after all of that."

"YOU WERE STALKING ME!" Card said, his hackles fully raised. "Yeesh, don't you know what the word "boundaries" means?"

"B- B- But." Pinkie stammered out.

"But nothing! You're like a child who thinks the world revolves around them, and that all of their ideas are fantastic, no matter what anyone else thinks. Did you ever think that maybe my constantly running away from you was a sign I didn't want to party?"

"How could you not want to party?" said Pinkie Pie, the very concept seeming ludicrous to her.

"Anyway," Card said ignoring her question, "What's with all the sorrow? You're acting like you've never been insulted be-" He looked over to her and took on a shocked expression. "Oh my God, You've never been insulted before, have you?"

"No one as mean as you has ever been here before." Pinkie admitted.

"That explains so much." Card then suddenly took on a very serious expression. "Look Pie, I can guarantee that I am not the only pony in this city who doesn't want to party all the time. You seem to be a smart mare, why don't you try paying more attention to how ponies around you react whenever you show up. What you discover might surprise you. If I am wrong about all of this, then you can throw me the biggest party in the world and I won't complain. I'll even tell you where I live so you can have it at my house. I will pay for it all, all you have to do is pay close attention to ponies when you walk by, Ok?"

"Why should I listen to you? Ms. Cake says that you're just bitter and hateful, and that you can't see the good in anything." Pinkie Pie said, finally standing up to look him in the eye.

"That is not true, I can see the good in everything. I even see something I like in you."

"Oh really, what?" Pinkie challenged.

"I like your mane." Card admitted, "I think that it looks very good with all your hair straight like that." He then opened up the door. "Look, I am leaving now, but why don't you think about what I have said." He left the room, picked up the tray outside of it, and, after giving the tray back to a pony who he assumed to be Ms. Cake, he left S.C.C. and went home.

**_… … … … ..Oh, sorry. I was in the bathroom. Anyways, let us check in on Ms. Sparkle, see how she's doing._**

_Ok Twilight, you can do this. Just talk to Rarity and tell her how bad she made you feel with how she acted._ Twilight took a deep breath and knocked on the door. "Rarity, I'm here to get Spike, can I come in."

"Oh, of course dear. Come in." Rarity said while grinning wildly. "So, I assume that you are here to give me the other ticket?"

"Actually, Rarity-" Twilight said

"I accept of course. Oh I can't wait to meet my prince charming." went Rarity, completly ignoring Twilight

"About the tickets-"

"Oh, he'll sweep me off my hooves, and take me to dinner, and treat me like a-"

"I gave back the tickets. _At least I will_" This made Rarity stop, shocked at the revelation

"...What." Rarity said, flabbergasted, "How could you? Why would you?"

"Because they were making my friends fight over me and I started to feel less like I was your friend, and more like I was some trophy to be fought over." Twilight admitted. "I didn't want friends who made me feel like they were only there for my stuff."

"I- I had no idea. I am so sorry Twilight. How can I make it up to you?" Rarity asked

"You don't have to, just please, never treat me like a prize again. It... It doesn't feel good."

"Of course. I am so sorry." Rarity said again, still with a shocked look on her face.

"Don't worry about it." Twilight then looked around and said "Where is Spike? I do need to bring him home."

"Oh the poor little thing fell asleep. Here let me go wake him up." She went to a small basket in the corner and started to shake the purple dragon.

"Hmm, Hmm." Spike woke up. "Oh hi Rarity."

"Hello Spike. Look, Twilight's here to pick you up. Thanks for all of your help today sweetie." At this Spike blushed and stammered out.

"I- I- I- It was no problem Rarity." Twilight had to stifle a giggle seeing the little dragon shift around like he really had to go to the bathroom.

"Come on Spike, let's go home." Twilight called out. "Goodbye Rarity."

"Yeah, Goodbye Rarity."

"Good night, both of you." Rarity said as she saw them to the door.

**_-Back at the library-_**

"Spike, before you go to sleep I need you to take a letter for me."

"***Yawn** Ok, Twilight." Spike said as he pulled out his quill and paper.

"Dear Celestia,

Today I learned that you should not judge everypony based off of what happened to you in the past. Everypony deserves a clean slate when you meet them.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle"

After he sent the letter, Spike fell down where he stood and went straight to sleep. While chuckling, Twilight picked him up and put him in his bed. _Now, just one thing left for me to do before bed._ She went up to her bedroom and pulled open her desk drawer. Taking the unfinished letter out of it, she used a scissor spell to cut it up into tiny pieces and then threw it into her wastepaper basket. With this act done, she headed to sleep satisfied.

* * *

A/N: This is the first chapter I have felt truly satisfied with. Hope you all enjoyed it.


	4. Where Is My Doggy?

"Look, all I'm saying is that he was a pretty big fan favorite." Card said to Twilight, "The writers knew that, and so they started to give him more and more abilities that he didn't have before, and it was starting to get out of hand." Card and Twilight were sitting in the library, enjoying what had become a sort of daily ritual. Card would come to the library, Twilight would talk to him about the books he had her left the previous day, and they would get into a fun little debate about things in those books that they disagreed on while they read the new ones. Today's debate was on one specific character in a series that Twilight had just finished. Card thought he was overpowered by the end of it, and Twilight thought that he had just gone through natural growth.

"I know that, but the others got ridiculous powers too." Twilight rebutted, "The captain got a sudden boost in his aiming skills, the guard suddenly became a much better fighter."

"Yes," Card broke in, "But they all had reasons for their sudden increase in abilities. Captain actually started to train his aim more at the end of the previous book and as for the guard, he was never weak it's just that he was never given a chance to fight until the enemy had already gotten strong enough to wipe the floor with him. Data, on the other hand, went from being hurt by a single story fall in the first book, to _kinda_being able to deflect arrows in the fourth, and in the eighth he can suddenly be fine from a three story drop, and arrows just bounce off of him at point blank range. All of this with no explanation at all."

"Okay, true," admitted Twilight, "But couldn't they have just upgraded him in-between books?"

"Yes, I suppose that possible, but they never bring it up and you can't give people credit for something they don't acknowledge in the story. Either way, they took it to pretty extreme levels is all I'm saying. If he made it to the eleventh book, he'd probably be given rocket boots."

"Oh, come on the writers wouldn't go that f-" Twilight broke off, finally looking up at Card, "Do you hear something?" she asked.

"What you mean that rumbling noise? Yeah." Card said with his nose still in his book.

"What do you think it is?"

"Well it sounds like a stampede of cattle heading straight into the heart of the town." Card said nonchalantly.

"WHAT!" Twilight said freaking out, "We have to go stop them!"

"mmmmmm..." Card said looking unsure if he wanted to put down his book, just to stop a little thing like a stampede.

"CARD!" Twilight yelled.

"Fine, ok." Card sighed as he marked off his place in the book. "Let's go, ladies first." As soon as he opened the door, Twilight went running off toward the edge of town to try to stop the cows from reaching the city. Card sighed again and began to follow her at a much more leisurely pace.

By the time he got there, he saw that the cows had all been calmed down and Twilight was standing there next to a young mare with a blonde mane and a light orange coat. "Hey, Twinkly!" He called out, "Over here."

"Where were you?" Twilight asked in a rather angry tone of voice.

"I was walking." Card said replied in a rather bored tone of voice, "And now that I am here, I can see that there was, in fact, no need for me to have stopped reading. Now then it's almost lunchtime, pardon me ma'am," He said turning to look at the mare who's name he didn't know, "Is there someplace in this town that serves food that isn't covered in sugar?"

"Why Twilight, who's your friend?"

"Oh Applejack, this is Card" Twilight turned away from Card to tell Applejack about her newest friend. "He's the first pony to have ever come to the library to read, and he's also the one who convinced me to talk to you about how you acted a week

ago, about the tickets."

"Oh, that was you?" Applejack turned to Card, "Well thank you kindly, if Granny Smith had seen me acting like that she would have been so ashamed at me. I still can't believe that I had acted like that over just a possible business deal."

"Yeah no problem," Card said with a rather distracted look on his face, "Look, can you answer my question?"

"Oh, about the food place?"

"Yeah that one." Card said, still looking like he was trying very hard to remember something.

"Oh, well if you just go down this road aways, and take your fourth right you'll come to a nice little cafe, with some amazing sandwichs." Applejack said.

"That'll do nicely, thank you."

"Happy to be of help. Maybe you could come over to my stall sometime. We have the best apples in all of Equestria. It's just past the main entrance of town" Applejack said with a smile on her face.

"Yeah, I'll be sure to do that."

"So long."

"Yeah," Card said "Yeah goodbye Jackie." He turned around, "Come on Twinkly, lunch is on me."

"What," Twilight said as she turned around to follow him, "No it's not, I can pay for myself."

"Yeah but," Card rebutted, "You payed for me last time. I'm just returning the favor."

"Oh, that's not necessary." Twilight said.

"Yes it is. I always pay my debts."

"Well you don't-"

This continued until they reached the cafe and took their seats. After the food had come Twilight asked him about something that had been bothering her. "Card?"

"Umm-hmm" Card said looking up from his food, "What is it, Twinkly?"

"Well," Twilight said unsure of how to phrase her question, "How did you know that my friends would react to me telling them off like the way you told me to so well. You didn't know most of them, and they're all pretty different."

"Oh, is that all?" Card said returning his attention to the mashed potatoes in front of him. "Well, that's simple. I may not know how your friends behave, but I do know how ponies in general behave. After all, I would be a pretty bad psychiatrist if I didn't."

"Wait, you're a psychiatrist?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah." Card replied. "Why?"

"How old are you?" Twilight said with a look of shock on her face.

"23."

"What!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Yeah. How old are you?" Card asked with a curious look on his face.

"I'm 21," Twilight said distractedly, "You're really a full psychiatrist? A doctor? Really?"

"Yeah, got my M.D. last year."

"Wow!" Twilight said with a look of awe. "That's incredible."

"Glad to have impressed." Card said with a look of immense self-satisfaction, "Now is that all?"

"Well..." Twilight trailed off remembering another little thing, "What was with the way you acted around Applejack? It was really strange."

"Oh, well she just reminded... me..." Card got a sudden look of understanding on his face and burst out, "She's the demon baby!" Card then took out a stack of bits, threw them on the counter, and said "I can't believe I almost forgot!"

"Wha-" Twilight said, but thats all she was able to get out before Card ran out of sight, heading towards the town entrance. Twilight sighed, counted the bits he left, decided that they were enough to cover for their meals, and then left to follow him. _This must be how he felt when I ran off._ she thought.

_**-Meanwhile at the town entrance-**_

"Hey!" Card yelled as soon as he saw what he assumed to be the apple cart. "Jackie! I have a message for you!"

Applejack turned around to see a stallion racing towards her yelling at the top of his lungs. When he got close enough she

recognized him as the stallion who was with Twilight an hour ago. "Howdy,"

"Yeah, yeah howdy." said a breathless Card.

"Wow, you look like you could use a drink." Applejack rummaged around her cart for a while before pulling out a jug. "Here, have some apple juice." Card tossed her a couple of bits, then grabbed the jug away, chugging it down.

While he was doing that, she asked him about the message he was yelling about.

"Oh, oh yeah." Card said, "Really good apple juice this is."

"The message?" Applejack asked assuming it to be some order he was told to give to her from Twilight. What it was however, shocked her.

"Brick told me to tell you that he wants his hat back." With that done, Card turned around and said, "Well, I feel pretty tired. Hey if Twilight comes looking for me tell her I went home. Kaythanksbye." He said as he walked off, leaving a shocked Applejack behind him.

A few minutes later, Twilight arrived to see said shocked Applejack and said,

"What's wrong? Did Card do something? I would have been here sooner but Mayor Mare wanted to talk to me. Also she wants to give you a medal." Applejack shook herself out of her stupor upon hearing her friends voice and said,

"No, no. I just.. He just told me something I never expected to hear." Turning back to her friend she then said, "Now what was that about a medal?"

"Well you see.."

**_-The next day, at Applejack's intervention-_**

"Yes, Twilight." Applejack said with a sigh of defeat. "Yes _please_, I could really use your help." Twilight gave a little chuckle then turned around, only to turn around again when she heard a gasp.

"What, Applejack?" Twilight asked, "What is it?

"Where's Winona?" Applejack started to panic, "Winona! Winona!" At this everybody started to look around, but with no luck.

"Ok," Twilight said, "When was the last time you saw her?"

"At the bunny stampede." Applejack said, distraught.

"Ok, lets go into town and see if we can find her there."

"Okay, let's go!" They went into town, spread out to cover more room with the understanding that they would regroup at Twilights tree after an hour and started to ask around.

"Have you seen a small border collie anywhere?" They asked everypony, but with no luck. Eventually they all met outside

the tree to share their lack of findings. Dejected, they entered Twilight's tree in order to try to think up a new plan. Inside, however, they found Card, sitting in at a table reading a book that looked thick enough to make a decent pillow.

"Oh hey. Twinkly, where were you today? I was beginning to think that you had moved without telling me." Card said jokeily. He then looked up from his book, and saw what was standing at the door, "What's going on? Why do you all look so sad?" he asked.

"Oh, hey Card." Twilight said in a defeated tone of voice. "We're trying to find Applejack's dog, and we haven't had any

luck."

"Oh, is that all?" Card asked. "You just need to find a dog? That's not so hard to do."

"Oh yeah," snapped Rainbow Dash, "I'd like to see you do it."

"Challenge accepted." And with that Card took a piece of metal out of his jacket, stepped out the door, put the metal to his lip and blew.

"...Well, we're waiting." Rainbow Dash said smugly before turning back to her friends, "See, he couldn't do it either. Now let's head out again s-"

Then came a loud "Woof, Woof" from the streets, and closely following behind the sound was,

"Winona!" said an overjoyed Applejack as she took her dog up into her hooves. She then turned to Card and said "Thank you, Thank you so much! How can I repay you?"

"A Few gallons of that juice would be nice." said Card as he looked at the scene with a bemused expression.

"You got it!" Said Applejack. "Oh, Winona, don't you ever do that again!" While Applejack was admonishing her dog, Rainbow Dash was doing a very good impression of a fish.

"But, but, you, dog," She looked at card and managed to force out "How?" He just lifted up his hoof and said,

"Dog whistle. Very useful."

"What?" Rainbow Dash burst out, "Why did you have that?" At this Card gave a bit of a sheepish grin and just said,

"That's a bit of a long story, I'm afraid. Oh hey look at the time, gotta go, bye!" He said as he ran out.

"I don't trust that colt." Rainbow Dash said, only to be ignored by her friends who were still celebrating the return of Winona. After a brief celebration, they all returned to their homes, and went to bed to await tomorrow. All of them, except Applejack who lay awake in bed thinking about the strange stallion

_Ah can't believe that Ah forgot to ask him how he knew Brick. Ah guess Ah was just so happy when he got Winona to come back._ After this Applejack reached inside of her hat and pulled out a picture. On it was one small little yellow red-headed filly, one medium sized orange filly with blonde hair, and two big red colts, one was an earth pony with an apple-red coat and a blonde mane, the other was a unicorn with a coat as dark red as blood, with a white mane covered by a brown stetson and an uneasy look on his face. _When are you coming back?_ She thought sadly. After looking at this photo for a while Applejack carefully put it back into her stetson and went to sleep, dreaming of the past.

* * *

A/N: Just assume that any parts of an episode I skip over play out like normal.


	5. Regenerating Bastards

"So, my dad made all these paper stars, and he numbered them from 1-35." Card told Twilight.

"Really?" Twilight said as she balanced on a ladder to reorganize the library books, "What did -give me that book would you- did he do with them?" Today they were talking about the most annoying lessons they had ever had. The subject had come up after Twilight came across a particularly brutal form of testing in one of her books, and she mentioned it after Card came in. Right now it was Card's turn and he was talking about how his dad helped him learn about factors and prime numbers.

"What he did was he set up this game where I would take a number and add that to my score, and he would take all of the numbers that factored into it and multiplied them all together." Card said as he hoofed up another stack of books to Twilight, "It took me 4 weeks to finally beat that game."

"Really?" Twilight said with a skeptical look on her face, "Four whole weeks?"

"Well every time I did beat it, he would raise the amount of points that I had to win by." Card admitted, "First by ten, then twenty, and so on."

"Oh. Well did it help you?" Twilight asked as she moved over to a new shelf.

"Kinda, but like most of the things he used to teach me, it had a second purpose."

"Oh? What was that?"

"It was a way of teaching me how to keep track of everything at once, and to account for all of the possible way something could be altered, and how to narrow down those elements to your advantage."

"Was that all?" Twilight said as she came to the final shelf.

"Well, no," Card admitted, "It did also leave me with an irrational hatred of starfish." Twilight gave a short laugh and then put the last book away.

"There," she said with a look of satisfaction on her face, "All done."

"Great," Card said as he reached into his jacket, "Now unless something else happens, we can watch th-"

***Knock Knock Knock*** Card let out a sigh. "Dangit."

"I'll get it," Twilight said as she went to the door, to find behind it a downtrodden Pinkie Pie.

"Oh, hi Pinkie." Twilight waved her friend in, "Come on in." As Pinkie came into the library, she froze upon seeing a certain orange stallion at one of the tables. She started shaking like she was trying really hard to not run away. Twilight, noticing her friends discomfort, followed her eyes back to Card. After a brief moment of confusion, she remembered the incident at S.C.C. and how badly Pinkie reacted to it. Twilight then said to Card, "I think that you might want to leave, Pinkie seems to be uncomfortable around you."

"Yeah ok." Card said with a sigh, "When you're done talking to her, come and find me. I'll be at the cafe." He picked up the book he was reading and left. Upon the door closing behind him, Pinkie Pie visibly relaxed.

"Now," Twilight said as she turned to Pinkie, "What did you want to talk about?"

**_-Now, time for time warp! 30 minutes later at the cafe.-_**

"Yo, Twinkly," Card shouted as he saw Twilight walk up the street, "Over here."

"Hey Card," Twilight said as she sat down at the table in front of the cafe, "Sorry for taking so long."

"Don't worry about it," Card said with a shake of his head while he tucked his book back into his jacket, "I hope you don't mind that I ordered for you."

Twilight looked down and saw that there was indeed a daisy sandwich in front of her. "Oh, my favorite!" she said, "How did you know?"

"You almost always order the exact same thing, I just told the waitress to bring me the usual for you." Card said.

"Oh." Twilight said as she realized just how often she had been eating at the cafe. _Come think of it, when was the last time I ate lunch at home?_ "Well, thanks anyways. you even remembered the extra hay fries for Spike." She then dove into her sandwich. Card was polite enough to let her get in a few bites before he interrupted her.

"So, what did Pie want to talk to you about?" Card asked. Twilight hesitated for a moment before saying,

"She was just feeling a bit neglected." Twilight said haltingly, "You see Rainbow's old friend came into town today, and when she took up all of Rainbow's attention Pinkie felt a bit left out."

"Really," Card said with a look of thought on his face.

"Yeah. She even got the idea that Gilda, that's the name of Rainbow's friend, was being mean to her on purpose. She said that Gilda was really grumpy, that she popped her balloons, that she told her to buzz off, and she seemed to be really hung up on it."

"Huh. So, what did you tell her."

"I told her that since Rainbow hadn't seen Gilda in so long, then she would want to spend a lot of time with her. I also told her that she was probably blowing things a bit out of proportion due to her jealousy, and that she needed to take a step back and improve her attitude."

"Good advice," Card said, "But there's something you're not telling me. What is it?"

"Well... Pinkie seemed pretty off, like she was confused and kind of upset. I put it down to her feeling left out, but looking back I'm not so sure." Twilight admitted.

"Was she doing anything strange?" Card pressed with a suddenly serious look on his face.

"Well, she did keep on looking at me, and then glancing away. It also seemed like her hair was a little flatter than usual." Twilight said as she tried to remember the events in more detail. Card took on an even more distracted look, and seemed to be in deep thought. Twilight heard him mutter. "So, I was right." At this Twilight got confused. _Right about what?_ she wondered. She decided to voice her confusion only to get a startled look from Card and him saying,

"Nothing. It just turns out that I've got something to take care of soon." Twilight's curiosity was peaked, but she said nothing, instead choosing to focus on finishing her sandwich.

When the meal was over, Twilight noticed something as she got her bits out to pay. "Uh, Card. You have some ketchup on your chest."

"Oh?" Card swiped his hoof against the stain and then smelt it, before shaking his head, "Nah, that's not ketchup."

"Well what is it then?" Twilight asked.

"It's blood." Card said as he dabbed at it with a napkin, completely oblivious to Twilight's look of shock.

"Blood?" she asked, "Where from?"

"Well, it's from just about ten minutes before you arrived." Card said as he rubbed against the stain all the more vigorously. "Come on," He muttered, "Go away."

Twilight, meanwhile, just got an even more shocked look on her face. "How?" she asked. The stain seemed to have no intention of allowing itself to be driven off easily so Card gave a sigh of defeat and put the napkin down, turning his full attention back to Twilight.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?"

Twilight gulped and said, "I asked you how you got a _bloodstain_ on your chest in the short time I was talking to Pinkie."

"Oh." Card said. "Well, that's an interesting little story."

_**-Flashback Time!-**_

_While I was sitting here and waiting for you, I saw a griffon flying across the sky. I thought nothing of it until she touched down in front of the cafe with an expression suggesting she had either just been eaten out, or had robbed a little old mare._

"Wait what?" Twilight interruputed.

"The expressions are very similar. Try doing both sometime and look at your face in the mirror after each." Card said. "Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah."

_After a brief glance around the front of the cafe, she saw that all the other tables were full and so she approached me. As I opened my mouth to offer her one of the chairs, she said__ 'Get out of that chair nerd.'__ Naturally I was bothered by this and so I, in the politest way I could think of mind you, asked her to leave._

_'Bug off.'_

"... Why are you looking at me like that?"

_Despite my asking her to leave so nicely, she acted insulted and responded with,_

_'Excuuuse me, bookworm. What did you just say to me?' __She got all up in my face too, about 3 inches away. After pushing her face away from me, I repeated my request although this time I did explain why I didn't want to leave._

_'I said, bug off featherbrain. I'm saving this table for a friend.' __She responded with,_

_'I'm not asking, I'm telling. Get out of that seat. NOW.' __We went back and forth like this for a good while, until finally I got fed up with it. I returned my full attention to my book, after informing her that I would not deal with her any longer._

_'Look, if you don't fuck off by the time I count to three, I will punch you.' __She just scoffed, then shoved her face into mine and her talon at my chest._

_'Hah. I'd like to see you try'__ she said, in what she probably thought was an intimidating tone. I started counting down._

_'1' __She just flared out her wings and and came even closer._

_'2' __I said as I marked off my place in my book and closed it._

_'3' __She still didn't leave, and as she opened her mouth_

_'I kn-' __I drove my hoof into the bottom of her beak. That apparently gave her a nose bleed, and the blood from that must have landed on me.'_

_**-Flashback Time Over!-**_

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Twinkly, if you leave you mouth open like that you're going to let flies in." Card said.

"... You-" Twilight said with disbelief, "You hit a- a- a-," _Wait, what do you call a female griffon? Oh well._ "A female!?"

"Yes." Card said. "I did warn her first, and she was being a bitch. I didn't even tell you about all the things she called me."

"You still hit a female!" Twilight said indignantly.

"Not hard enough to do any lasting damage, don't worry." Card said as he tried to placate Twilight. "I have pretty good control over my strength, and her nose had stopped bleeding by the time she flew away with her tail between her legs."

"But you're a stallion! You're not supposed to hit females!"

"Why not?" Card asked, "Why should I treat females any different from how I treat males?"

"Well... Well..." Twilight struggled to come up with an answer, "Well we're sensitive, and more fragile, and should be treated with respect!"

"So you're weaker than males?" Card asked, "Does that mean that only stallions should do heavy lifting, or go work in the more stressful jobs?"

"Well no, of course not." Twilight said aghast. "That's sexist!"

"So when it comes to jobs, treating ponies unequally is sexism," Card said with the air of somepony who had had this argument a thousand times before, "But when it comes to facing consequences, they just deserve to get off easy due to something completely out of their control?"

"Well I didn't mean," Twilight said attempting to defend her position, only to be interrupted by Card.

"Then what did you mean Twinkly?" Card said as he got into her face. Upon seeing Twilight get an uncomfortable expression, however he seemed to realize what he was doing and backed off a little. "Sorry about that, I just get a little carried away when I delve into philosophy. Look, the point I'm trying to make is that I prefer to judge things based on their actions, their choices. If you are saying that I should start to be prejudiced against someone just for how they were born, then please tell me why?"

"Because- Well you should-" Twilight sighed, "I'll get back to you on that."

"Please do." Card then got out his wallet and threw some bits down on the table as he said, "Look, I have to get going. Please think some more about this, I would like to hear your opinions." Card then turned around and left, leaving behind a unicorn in deep thought. At least she was in deep thought, until Pinkie found her.

"Twilight!" Pinkie yelled, causing Twilight to nearly fall over at being yanked out of her thoughts so quickly. As she recovered herself, Pinkie began telling her about her plan to throw a party for Rainbow Dash's friend,

"And then she'll feel so happy about it, that all of her grumpiness will melt away!" Pinkie finished. "What do you think Twilight?"

"Huh?" Twilight said having finally regained her balance. "Oh, yeah. That'll definitely work." _Maybe I should ask Princess Celestia what she thinks about it?_

"Great! Let's go!" Pinkie then grabbed Twilight by the hoof and started to drag her to the S.C.C._Damnit, that hoof just stopped feeling sore!_

_**-Later that day, after the party was done-**_

Mr. Cake sighed as he looked over the mess that was left in his bakery after Pinkie's most recent party, which had just ended. For all that he loved Pinkie, he wished that she would keep the mess down to a minimum. But hey, at least she helped in the clean up. Currently she was aiding his dear wife with all the dishes she had gotten dirty. With another sigh he got ready to clean up the room, deciding to start with the icing stain on the ceiling. "_How does she get those up there?_" He thought as he set up the ladder and got a mop, but before work could actually start, he heard a knock at the door. "_Did I forget to turn the sign to closed again?_" He let out yet another sigh as he prepared himself for the look of disappointment he would get from the customer he would have to turn away. He opened the door and said "Sorry we're closed for the evening."

"Oh that's ok, I'm not here as a customer."

Mr. Cake took on a shocked expression, which only deepened, along with a narrowing of his eyes, as he realized who was standing at his doorstep.

"I would like to talk to you about Pie." said Card. "May I come in?"

* * *

A/N: Have fun figuring out what the title means!


	6. Getting Help

"..."

"..."

"...We don't sell pie here I'm afraid." Mr. Cake said, hoping that he misunderstood what the strange stallion wanted.

"Oh, no I'm talking about," here Card let out a sigh and placed his hoof to his forehead, "Pinkie. I would like to talk to you about her"

"Why?" Mr. Cake said as he went outside, closing the door behind him. "What do you want from her?"

"I want to help her."

"With what, exactly?" Mr. Cake said, now taking on a suspicious face.

"I'd be happy to tell you, but I don't feel like doing it outside. May I come in?"

Mr. Cake felt conflicted. On the one hoof, this was the stallion who sent the mare who was all but his daughter into a massive depression, but on the other hoof Carrot was always told not to judge ponies just off first impressions. Mr. Cake sighed and decided that he should at least hear this stallion out, especially if it has to do with Pinkie. "Come in." He said as he opened the door. "We can talk in the kitchen."

"Thank you," Card replied.

"Just wait here for a moment." with that Mr. Cake went off to speak with his wife, but first, "Pinkie." He said as he walked in, "We can handle the rest. Why don't you go to sleep?" His wife looked at him like he was insane, a sentiment that Pinkie seemed to share.

"But there's still so much, and I couldn't just leave you both to do it all alone!" Pinkie said, "Especially since it's all my mess!" Mrs. Cake opened her mouth to voice her agreement, but Mr. Cake silenced her with his, 'There is a reason, I'm not insane yet.' look.

"Look Pinkie, if you feel so guilty about it then how about you man the store in the morning, as a way of repaying us for this." Mr. Cake said "Now go, you look tired."

"But I-" Pinkie tried to say, only to be interrupted by Mrs. Cake

"Dearie, go to sleep. Carrot and I will be fine"

"Okay, if you're sure." Pinkie then bounded up to her room and started her preparations for the night, tossing back a "Nighty-night night!" towards the Cakes.

"Goodnight!" Mr. and Mrs. Cake said together, before Ms. Cake rounded on her husband and asked him "What is it that's so important that Pinkie had to leave?"

"We have a visitor." Mr. Cake then went back to anterior and fetched Card, telling him to follow. When Card reached the kitchen and Mrs. Cake saw him, she had a reaction similar to husbands.

"What are you doing here?" she said with a very fake looking smile on her face as she sat down at the table, her husband following suit.

"May I sit down?" Card asked, and received a nod in the affirmative. "Thank you. Now then I would like to talk to you about your daughter Pinkie Pie."

"Yes, what about?" Mr. Cake asked.

"It is my opinion that your daughter has some fairly severe social problems, and I believe that I can help her work them out." Card said hesitantly, as though he were expecting a severe reprisal. He was not disappointed.

"And what, pray tell, do you mean by that." Mr. Card said as he leaned across the table looking like he was about to start throwing blows at any moment, only to be calmed down by his wife's hoof on his shoulder.

"Well..." Card said uncertainly, "I believe that Pie has a few... quirks."

"And what does that mean?" Mr. Cake demanded, "Spit it out already."

Card sighed and said, "Look Pie has trouble keeping focus, a lack resistance to criticism, and absolutely no social grace. She, in short, acts like a hyperactive child."

Mr. Cake took on an absolutely furious expression and said, "Look, if you just came here to insult my-"

"I did not." Card said, "I came here because I believe that I can help Pie out."

"Help her out with what? She's perfectly fine. So what if she's a little forward? She's still a good mare."

"Her decency is not in question here." Card said firmly, "The problem is that there is a difference between 'a little forward' and chasing a stranger around the town, trying to shoot a cannon at him!"

Mr. Cake had had just about enough of this stranger insulting his daughter by this point and was about to get up and show him the door, only to be interrupted by his wife.

"Let's say that everything you said is true," Mrs. Cake said, speaking for the first time since they sat down. "How would you be able to help her?"

Card took on a look of relief, and said "I am a psychiatrist, and I believe that I can help Pie by having sessions with her. Find out why she is how she is and help her get past that."

"And what if you're wrong." Mrs. Cake said, "What if there is nothing wrong with her?"

"If I am wrong, then I will be able to tell fairly quickly. All that I need to do is speak to Pie, and see if she wants my help."

"You want us to let you be alone with her?" Mr. Cake said, having gotten his anger back under control.

"Not necessarily." Card said, "If you wish, then you could sit in on our first few sessions."

"Even if we do let you do this, how do we know that you're any good at what you do?" Mr. Cake said, "For all we know you could be a complete fraud."

"My medical license is right here." Card said as he took it out of his jacket.

"That doesn't prove anything, you could be horrible at your job." Mr. Cake said with an air of desperation, trying to keep this stallion away from Pinkie but sensing his wife getting suckered into his manipulations. "And you could still be wrong about Pinkie. You've only spoken to her twice, and both times she barely said a thing."

"I am very good at getting impressions of ponies from brief conversations," Card said with a look of pride, "I take what ponies do, not just what they say, and build my impression off of that. Subject to change, of course."

_Gotcha!_ Mr. Cake thought, and then said, "Fine, if you can tell me a few things about us Mr..."

"Card. Dr. Card, if you wish to be formal."

"Card, I will let you go talk to Pinkie."

"Well..." Card said as he took a through glance around the room, "I can't tell much..."

_I knew it, he's all-_

"But" Card said, interrupting Mr. Cake's thoughts, "I can tell that you inherited this place, and she got it by marriage. Also that she worked here before you started dating and she asked you out on your first date, though you proposed to her." Card looked over at Mr. Cake who's jaw was about to hit the floor. "The last thing I was able to tell is that you two are thinking about having a baby, but are not completely sure about it yet."

"Wha- how-" Mr. Cake forced out.

"Tricks of the trade." Card said dismissively, "Now, given your expression I assume I was right, so would one of you please point me to Pie's room?"

Ms. Cake gave him the directions, and then focused on helping her husband not fall over in shock. Card thanked her and then headed up to Pinkie's room.

"Cup, what are you thinking?" Mr. Cake said to his wife, aghast at her taking a side against him.

"I was th-" her rebuttal however was interrupted by the sound of hoofbeats rushing down the stairs.

"Wait," Card said as he rushed back into the kitchen, "Three pages of desserts, and you don't have_any_ pie?"

"Don't you have a thing to do?" Mr. Cake said with a glare.

"Oh yeah." Card rushed back up the stairs to Pinkies room.

Mr. Cake sighed and said, "Interruption aside, Cup what are you thinking? You know how fragile Pinkie is, and you've just sent the stallion who sent her into a 3-day long depression alone into her room."

"He's also the one who got her out of it, when neither of us could." Ms. Cake said.

"So he fixes his own mistakes, big whoop. We don't know anything about this Card fellow, he could be planning anything. How could you trust him like that?"

"Did you get a good look at his eyes?" Ms. Cake said.

"Huh?" Mr. Cake responded, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Those eyes he had were not the eyes of cruelty. The whole time he was talking to us, his eyes kept on flicking up to Pinkie's room, like he was concerned about her." Ms. Cake said in an attempt to calm her husband down, "I really think that his intentions are good. Please just trust me on this one, I have a good feeling about him."

"But-" Mr. Cake let out another sigh, "Fine I'll give him a chance. But if I hear a single noise from Pinkie's room while he's up there, I'm going to give him what for!"

"That's all I ask Carrot." Ms. Cake, "Thank you."

**_-Meanwhile up in Pinkie's room-_**

_"I Wonder Why Mr. and Mrs. Cake wanted me to leave so badly? They looked like they really needed to talk to each other."_ Pinkie Pie was thinking to herself as she got herself ready for bed, _"Maybe they finally wanted to get started on that baby. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! I could get to throw a baby shower, and I would get to be the big sister for once! I wonder what I would need to throw a baby shower? Probably s-_ Her thoughts were broken by the knocking at her door. _"I bet that's Mrs. Cake coming up to tuck me in again. I wish she would stop doing that."_ "Come in!" Pinkie shouted at her door.

As the door opened, she saw **_him_**. Quickly as she could, she backed away to the far side of her room, and her perpetual smile became hollow. "Wh- what do you want?" Pinkie asked nervously.

"I would like to speak to you." Card replied as he attempted to close the distance between them. Pinkie recoiled, trying to press herself against the wall. Upon seeing her reaction, Card backed away from her until he was all but standing back out in the hallway. "I don't want to hurt you," He said in a soothing tone. "I just want to talk to you for a little bit. I promise I won't insult you either."

"Pr- promise?" Pinkie said, "Do you Pinkie Pie promise?"

"Yeah sure," Card said, "Cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye. That work for you?"

"That doesn't sound right."

"It's just how I'm used to doing it. Now, may I come closer?" Card asked. "It'll be easier for me to talk to you."

"Okay. I'll believe you." Pinkie hesitantly peeled herself off the wall and motioned for the stallion to come to her.

"Thank you." Card said as drew near and looked Pinkie in the eyes, "Now then, my name i-" Only to be interrupted by Pinkie shuddering and looking away. "What's wrong now?" Card asked with an annoyed sigh in his voice.

"Those eyes..." Pinkie muttered to herself. _"They're just like my nightmares"_ Card rolled the objects in question, and then looked around her room. Upon finding a scarf, he wrapped it around his eyes.

"Better?" he asked. Pinkie made a noise that sounded like an affirmation, so he decided to take it as one. "Good. As I was saying, my name is Card."

"I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said as she bounced around the stallion. "So Card, what did you want to talk to me about? Did you want to ask me how I made all those delicious cakes? Or what about how I set up all those parties for you? That's what ponies usually ask me about!"

"I wanted to ask if you had noticed anything about how ponies react to you." At this Pinkie stopped bouncing around, and her hair deflated just a bit.

"Wh- what do you mean?" She said, feigning ignorance.

"Come on Pie, don't insult my intelligence. If you hadn't noticed anything, you would have told me and started to bug me about the party I promised you." Pinkie took on a severely downcast look, and her hair completely flattened out. Card noticed the sudden lack of bouncy noise. "Please tell me Pie. Whatever it is, I can help you with it. I swear it on my bitchin jacket!" Card said as he took on a dramatic pose. A moment passed, then...

"Ha... ha.. ha-ha-ha!" Pinkie laughed.

"Hey, what's so funny?" Card asked.

"You're posing at a wall." Pinkie said in-between giggles as her hair re-inflated a bit.

"Well, nevertheless," Card said with an embarrassed look as he turned to face... another wall, "The point still stands. I can help you, but you have to tell what you noticed first." Pinkie became nervous again but finally decided to tell him.

"Well," said Pinkie "There's what happened today."

"The thing with Rainy and her friend right?" Card said,

"Yeah." Pinkie confirmed, "She kept on running away from me, and then even when she agreed to prank everypony with me she kept on looking ready to fly away at any moment. Then Gilda..."

"Yes? Come on Pie, you were doing so well." Card encouraged. "Don't worry, I met her. I know how rude she is."

"She called me a dweeb, and said that Dashie didn't need friends as un-cool as me."

"That can't be it, you're stronger then that."

"No, it was what happened at a party I tried to throw for her. Dashie set up all of these great pranks for Gilda to try to loosen her up. When they all went off, everypony just looked at me. When Gilda started to yell at me they didn't even try to defend me, and they all just looked at me like it was what I deserved for setting up all of those pranks. Not one pony even tried to see if it was anypony other than me who did it." as she was talking, Pinkie's coat faded more and more.

"It was just today?" Card asked

"No, it's like this every day" Pinkie admitted, "They smile at me, but there's always fear behind it. They- they all look at me like I'm about to explode at any minute. It's a horrible feeling, and I don't like it, and I want it to go away!" She said with a sudden burst of passion.

"And I can help you with that, I can help you change." Card said, "But you will have to trust me."

"But- but I don't want to stop being me!" Pinkie said, "I've been me all my life!"

"You don't have to stop being you, you just have to change how you act a little." Card looked at the night sky, and then said, "Look, I need to get home. If you want me to help you, come to Twinkly's library. If I'm not there, then she can tell me what your answer is. Good-bye Pie." Card left, throwing the scarf behind him as he did so.

_"I wonder if he can really do what he says he can?"_ Pinkie thought as she closed her bedroom door. Then she remembered that silly pose he had and, because it looked fun, decided to try it. When she put on the scarf however, she noticed something strange. "_Hey, I can see through this thing just fine!"_

When Card got back to the kitchen, he saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake finishing up the dishes.

"Hey," Card said, "I don't suppose you know who I can talk to about getting an office in the village do you?"

"That would be Mayor Mare, dearie."

"Thanks."

**_-So, here we end for th- What? What do you mean, there's still one more thing to show? Not you, I'm talking to Leonidas701. Where? Why do they ne- Oh. Well okay then, to the castle it is! TELEPORT!-_**

At Castle Canterlot, Celestia and Luna were enjoying a late dinner. Luna noticed something off about her sister, and so decided to voice her opinon.

"Sister, is there something wrong with thou?" Luna said, "Thoust keep on sighing."

"Oh, it's nothing Luna." Celestia then sighed again.

"Really, sister?"

"Really. It's just that Twilight's most recent letter has me feeling nostalgic."

"Why?"

"A certain question she asked."

"What question?" Luna asked.

"See if this sounds at all familiar;" Celestia said, "'Is it right to treat ponies differently just due to circumstances out of their control, specifically gender?'"

"I don't..." Suddenly comprehension dawned on Luna's face. "Ah, yes. That was one of his old favorites right?"

"Yeah."

"Well I canst see how that lead thou to canter down memory lane." Luna then realized that she needed to get to work with the moon, and after making her goodbyes, left Celestia alone.

Celestia teleported to her quarters, and before she fell asleep, pulled out an old photo album and turned to one page in particular. On that page was a photo of two ailcorn fillies, one white with rainbow hair, the other slightly smaller and blue. Standing over both of them however, was an ailcorn colt with a yellow coat and hair that was red, but turned yellow at the tips, with a look on his face that said he was goading them on, but a posture that suggested he was willing to break it up the moment it got too serious. Celestia fell asleep with a smile on her face and her head resting on the photo album.

* * *

A/N: Whatever you think is the other Ailcorn's story, you are wrong!

Please review, favorite, and follow, but mostly review.


	7. Screw Paperwork

The Great and Powerful Trixie was currently in great and powerful trouble. _"Fantastic,"_ Trixie thought, _"There goes my last spare wheel."_ Trixie's wagon had broken down, again, on the way to her next performance. "_So much for this path being shorter._" Sighing, she took the broken wheel off her wagon and then went inside to attempt to find something to fix it up with. While she was digging through her belongings to find some tape, she heard a curious whistling coming from outside and getting closer. Suddenly all of the old horror stories she heard as a filly came rushing back to her. Taking hold of the nearest heavy object she could -a plastic flamingo if you're curious- she looked out her door and saw... nothing. As she let out a sigh of relief she suddenly heard a knock at her door, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. After she got her heart back under control, she went to the door once more and found a stallion standing outside it.

"Hello, I was taking a walk and I noticed that your wagon was minus a wheel." The stallion said, "I was wondering if you wanted any help with that."

"Who are you?" Trixie asked the strange stallion.

"I am Card." The stallion said. "Who are you?"

"I am T-" Trixie stopped herself _'I can't let this stallion know that the Great and Powerful Trixie had travel issues! My reputation would be ruined!"_

"Yes?" Card said impatiently.

"Lulamoon. My name is Lulamoon." Trixie said cautiously.

"Well Lulamoon, do you want some help or not?"

"That would be appreciated." Trixie admitted, "I have run out of spare wheels for this thing."

"Really?" Card said as he looked her wagon over, "You didn't restock on them?"

"Don't have enough money."

"Shame." Card then took a bottle of glue out of his jacket and glued the pieces of the broken wheel together. "There, that should hold long enough for you to reach Ponyville. When you get there ask for a pony named Applejack, she owes me a favor, and tell her Card sent you. she should be able to give you some of her spare wheels." Card finished attaching the wheel to the wagon and then turned back to face Trixie. "So, Lula do you know how to reach Ponyville?"

"Yeah, I was actually headed there when this happened." Trixie said as she re-hitched herself to the wagon. "Thanks for your help. Why did you help me anyway?"

"Honestly?" Card got a bashful look on his face, "I was hiding from my paperwork and thought this would be a good way to keep myself away from it. Anyways, it's not everyday that you come across someone in the Everfree forest." Card then made his goodbyes and left as Trixie started heading once more towards Ponyville.

_**-Later at the library-**_

Card walked up to Twilight's door and attempted to open it, only to find that he couldn't. For the first time since she had moved here, Twilight had actually locked her front door. Confused by this event, though by no means discouraged, Card knocked. When that failed to yield better results, he did that natural thing and decided to go in through an open window. What he saw inside was a huge mess of books, one very tired looking baby dragon, and a frantic Twilight Sparkle who was currently in the process of doing what looked like attempting five spells at once. Deciding that this show would be more interesting if he knew the background, he went over to the tired Spike.

"What's wrong with her?" Card asked with a jerk of his head towards Twilight.

"How did you get in?" Spike asked.

"Magic. Now what's wrong?" Card said. Spike made a motion like he was about to argue, but then decided he was too tired to care.

"Well it all started this morning."

_**-Spike's Flashback-**_

_"Good morning Spike," __said Twilight as she came into the kitchen.__ "How are you today?"_

_"Fine Twilight, but this letter came in for you today." __Spike handed the letter over to Twilight__ "It's from Princess Celestia."_

_Twilight took one look at the letter, and immediately started to freak out. She ran off into the library and yelled__ "I forgot to study!"_

**_-End of Flashback-_**

"I took a look at the letter and it turns out it was a list of spells that Celestia wanted Twilight to learn and she hadn't finished learning the last batch." Spike said as he turned to look at Card, "Ever since then she's been studying nons- Where did you get that popcorn?" He asked.

Card decided to ignore that last part and, in between mouthfuls, said, "That doesn't sound like Twilight. She's been very good about reading all the books I leave her, and I would think that she would apply at least that level of conviction to her studies."

"That's the problem," Spike said "You've been taking up so much of her brainpower with your discussions on those books, that she's completely forgotten to spend time on Celestia's studies."

"Really? Is she that unused to having someone to talk with?" Card shook his head sadly before saying, "Either way, I think she's almost done. She's slowing down." Card proved to be right as Twilight soon called Spike over and said that she just had one last spell to test on him. Despite his best efforts to get away, Spike ended up caught and had the spell - a growth spell - cast on him making him grow a mustache. Upon seeing his new lip-fur, he started to talk with Twilight about how it would make Rarity, a mare that Card still had yet to meet for the record, fall in love with him. Card, having learned by now to tune Spike out whenever he mentioned Rarity, turned his attention to finishing his popcorn.

Soon however, there came a knock at the door. Spike opened it and, after a brief argument with the two strangely proportioned colts who knocked, ran off into the town square to see a magic show they were talking about. Twilight made to go to bed, only to be stopped by Card.

"Card," Twilight said, "Let me go, I'm sleepy."

"No, you're too wired from all the studying." Card said, "You need to relax, and a magic show is good for that. Besides, you can't tell me that you're not the least bit curious about this greatly powerful unicorn?"

"Fine," Twilight said with a sigh, "Let's go." As they headed out Twilight said, "I wonder if the magician could teach me some of their tricks?"

Card replied with, "I wonder how that growth spell made Spike get a mustache? Dragons don't have hair follicles on their lips."

"No, I met a sea serpent who had a mustache." Twilight rebutted.

"That was a sea serpent, they're different."

"They can't be that different"

**_-One discussion about serpent interspecies genetic relations later-_**

"Look, we are getting nowhere with this." Twilight said, "Let's just look it up when we get back to Golden Oaks."

"Back to where?" Card asked.

"That's the name of the library."

"That place has a _name_?" Card said incredulously. Twilight ignored him as she was noticed by her friends and they called her over.

"Yo, Twilight," Rainbow Dash called, "Over here!" Twilight went over to her friends and Card followed her. As Card got closer, Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed and she said, "I don't believe anypony invited _you_ over."

"It's a free country and this is a public place," Card said as he settled down next to Twilight. "If you have a problem with being near me, then you can leave."

"Why don't you-" Rainbow Dash said as she flared her wings in an attempt to be more intimidating, only to be brought down by Applejack grabbing her tail.

"Now, now Dashie," Applejack said as she attempted to play peacekeeper, "He ain't hurting nopony."

"Thank you Jackie." Card said with a grateful nod, before bringing his attention to the wagon in front of all of them. "That looks familiar." he muttered.

"What was that?" Twilight asked

"When does the show start?" Card asked

Rarity decided to respond, curious about this stallion who seemed to be familiar with her friends. "It should start-"

"Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" This declaration was met with cheers and applause from those assembled, including Card, as the mare they had been waiting for took center stage.

"Now apparently." said Rarity, miffed at a stallion's attention being stolen from her so easily.

_**-You've all seen this scene before, but what about from Trixie's perspective.-**_

As Trixie's usual introduction was met with it's usual reaction, she experienced that same mixture of anticipation and dread that she always felt when she set hoof on stage. "_Ok, so far so good. Let's see how loud I can make them cheer_"

"Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!" "_And cue fanfare spell_" The spell went off without a problem, as it always did, and Trixie took some time to look over her audience to gauge their reactions. "_Looks good, looks good. Those ponies with the dragon over in that section seem rather displeased though, but that red-headed orange stallion seems to be- Wait red-headed orange stallion?_" Trixie took a closer look at the stallion in question. "_Blue tips, brown jacket, that's him! What is he doing here?!_" Trixie let off numerous minor spells as she tried to calm herself, "_It doesn't matter, he seems to be enjoying it and it doesn't look like he's connected me with the mare he saw in the forest. What to do about those hecklers though? A-ha!_"

"Well, well, well" Trixie said with all the ham she could muster, "It seems we have some naysayers in the audience. Who is so **ignorant** as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?" "_Better use some more fanfare to liven it up a bit more._" Suddenly one of the mares, the rainbow-maned pegasus, opened her mouth to challenge Trixie.

"So, 'Great and Powerful Trixie', What makes you think you're so awesome anyways?"

"_Bingo!_," Trixie thought, "_Now what story to use? The manticore? The Hydra? Ah, I know!_" Trixie responded to rainbow heckler with, "Heh, why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded Ursa Major!" Upon those words leaving her muzzle, the crowd went nuts with gasps of shock and cheers of admiration. "_Perfect._"

Trixie nodded her head in false modesty as she elaborated on her story. "When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington had no one to turn to, but the Great and Powerful Trixie stepped in, and with her awesome magic, vanquished the Ursa Major and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest!" This declaration was met with even more rapturous applause. Trixie let that die down as she planned out her next move. "_Let's see, they're all grouped around that lilac unicorn but she doesn't seem to be all that into insulting me. If I call her out, then one of the others will probably take me up on it. Let's try it._"

"It's true, my enthusiastic little admirers!" Trixie said with a laugh, "Trixie is certainly the best in Ponyville!" "_Cue cricket spell aaaand, perfect! Those three look like they're about to burst! Should just take a little more._"

"Don't believe the Great and Powerful Trixie?" she said with more laughter, "Well then, I hereby challenge you, Ponyvillians - anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone? Hmm? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine who has ever lived!?" "_There we go, now to present the challenge._"

"Hmmm, how about... You!" Trixie pointed at the lilac mare. "_Cue music. Oh this is gonna be __fun__!_"

**_-Now back to Card and Twilight!-_**

Throughout Trixie's performance so far, Card had been alternating his attention between: the show being put on by Trixie, the one being put on by Jackie, Rainy, Spike, and some white mare whose name he didn't know, keeping Twinkly from passing out, and finishing his popcorn. Suddenly, however, two of those things merged as Jackie clambered onto Trixie's stage and took her up on her challenge.

"Can your magical powers do this?" Jackie asked as she did some very impressive lasso tricks, finishing off her performance by grabbing an apple of a tree that was apparently just growing in the town square. Trixie trumped her however, by lassoing an apple that had quickly grown in the exact same spot as the last one, along with Jackie, all without touching the rope. Or at least that's what it would have seemed like to an untrained eye. After Jackie came off the stage, first Rainy, then that white mare whose name he didn't know, tried to take Trixie down a peg. All to no avail for Trixie seemingly kept on beating them at their own games, trash-talking them all the while. However, when Spike tried to get Twinkly to go up on stage she made an excuse that her laundry was calling her, which ranked up there with some of the worst excuses Card had ever heard, especially considering that Twinkly didn't wear clothes. After she bolted, Trixie seemed to decide that her show was over and started passing her hat around for money, as street performers are wont to do. After tossing a few bits in, Card went off after Twinkly to make sure she didn't collapse in the middle of the street out of exhaustion, and a good thing he did too because when he caught up with her she was barely standing.

"So Twinkly," Card said as he draped one of her legs over his shoulder, "What did you think of the magic show? Personally I thought it was great."

Twinkly seemed pretty out of breath, but managed to force out, "She was definitely talented, but the way she was showing off seemed a bit much."

"What do you mean 'Showing off'?" Card asked.

"Well all of the boasting, and the over-the-top declarations," Twinkly clarified, "And the way she humiliated Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity seemed a bit mean."

"Well, yeah she was pretty hammy, but I thought it was quite fun. She definitely knew what she was doing, and as for the showing off; Well what did you expect?" Card said, "She was after all, _putting on a show_. Besides, if anyone was out of line it was those three for the way they disrespected her."

Twinkly seemed like she had a retort for that, but before she could get it out she fell asleep. Card gave her sleeping form an amused look before slinging her across his back and going the rest of the way to the library that apparently had a name.

**_-Let's go back to Trixie, shall we-_**

"_Finally, those two have left._" Trixie thought as she went back into her wagon, having finally gotten the two strange colts to leave. "_Still, it was nice to be hero-worshiped for a while. Oh well, now that that's all over, I can kick back and count how many bits the nice ponies gave me._" Trixie reached for her hat and began to pull it out before she was interrupted by a knock at her door. "_Oh great, those two are probably back._" Trixie thought with derision as she went to her door.

"Look you two, The Great and Powerful Trixie is very tired right now so-"

"I'm afraid there's only one of me here. Also, I can see why you introduced yourself to me as Lulamoon. The Great and Powerful Trixie is a bit hard to say in casual conversation." Trixie looked up and saw the stallion who had helped her out when she was in the forest standing above her with a little smirk on his face. "Hello again."

"Hello" Trixie said with a certain degree of surprise. "Thanks again for the help with the wheel earlier. If you don't mind me being rude, why are you here now?"

"Well, actually I am here for three reasons." Card admitted. "The first is because I'm still trying to put off doing my paperwork for as long as possible." Trixie gave a little chuckle. "The second is to congratulate you on doing some of the best illusionary magic I have ever seen."

Trixie was shocked. "_What? How did he figure out that I was using Illusions?_" "What do you mean?" She asked nervously, "All of the magic I used was one-hundred percent physical magic."

"Oh come on." Card said dismissively. "Don't hide your talent behind a lie."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." Trixie said fidgeting all the while. "_I put so much effort into that!_"

"Why are you so ashamed of it anyways? With how you act on stage, you'd think you would be bragging far and wide about it, as opposed to that fake Ursa Major story."

"_He knows about that too? How?_" Trixie thought.

Card sighed and said, "Look, don't worry, I'm not going to ruin your reputation. I don't even want anything from you."

Trixie couldn't see any reason for her not to trust him, and her curiosity was getting the better of her, so she admitted it. "Yes, I use illusions in my shows. Yes, I made up the story about the Ursa Major. How did you figure it out though?" she asked.

"Well it's a bit a long story, so would you mind letting me in?"

"Oh, where are my manners. Of course." Trixie waved him into her wagon.

"Wow." Card asked as he entered her wagon to find the inside was much bigger then the outside seemed to suggest. "New model?

"Fairly new, This ones been amped to be about twice the size of the previous." Trixie said as she closed the door behind her. "Now, how did you figure out that I was using illusions and that I was lying about the Ursa Major?"

"I'll start with the simplest. The Ursa Major thing I had my suspicions about due to the fact that if someone had taken down an Ursa Major, I would probably have read about it. The illusions, however, were much harder to figure out." Card then sat down and seemed to collect his thoughts for a bit. "Let's go in order, shall we. For what you did with Jackie I figured out when you somehow managed to pull the exact same apple out of a tree that she did, along with the fact that the other you you made to distract everyone while you were tying Jackie's hooves up had no shadow. How did you do that same apple thing anyway?"

"I knew I shouldn't have taken the easy way out." Trixie mused. "What I did was simply bring up your memory of her pulling the apple out and used my magic to make it seem so vivid until it appeared to be happening again."

"That's amazing!" Card said, "You have enough control to do that over a whole crowd."

"Yes, yes I know." Trixie said with a hint of a blush on her face. "_It's been so long since somepony's complimented me on things I've actually done._" "How did you figure out the other two?"

"Well with Rainy I noticed that her yells never seemed to get any softer, like she was always the same distance away. Masterful work by the way, putting her so deeply in the illusion that she even felt all the sensations." Card said offhand. "But all the effort it took to do it probably tired you out, so that explains why I detected the illusion you put on that white mare so easily."

"Why? I thought I did that perfectly, and it's not exactly a challenging illusion." Trixie said confused.

"You did do it perfectly," Card assured her, "But the second everybody's attention was turned back to you, you dispelled the illusion and I managed to catch a glimpse of her normal hair as she ran off. So yeah, that's how I knew." Card then stood up and made to leave, only to be stopped by a cry of,

"Wait," from Trixie, who was enjoying the first conversation she had had in months without having to speak in third-pony or constantly worrying about impressing somepony.

"Yes?" Card asked.

"Umm..." Trixie went as she tried to think of an excuse to keep the stallion here. "_What to say, what to say... A-ha!_" "You said that you had three things to talk to me about, what's the third?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," Card said as he slapped his hoof against his forehead, "I almost forgot. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go get those new wheels I told you you could get from someone who owed me a favor. Do you?" Card asked.

Trixie took a minute to puzzle through everything he just said before realizing that she could finally get those new wheels she desperately needed. She grabbed him by the hoof and all but threw him out her door, herself following closely after. "Let's go!" she said enthusiastically.

"Okay, calm down." Card said with a chuckle. "It's a-ways away and you're heading the down the wrong one. Here," he said with a gesture, "It's this way."

"Okay." Trixie said "Thanks for doing all this."

"Hey anything to stay away from all of that paperwork." Card said with a dead-serious look on his face.

"You keep on talking about this paperwork of yours, what is it for anyways?" Trixie asked

"Well you see, I need to fill it all out to be able to get an office here in town." Card explained.

"An office? What for?"

"Well you see, I'm a psychiatrist and I need an office to meet up with my patients. In order to do that I need to fill out a bunch of stuff with the town hall, and I am really lazy." Card admitted.

"Oh." Trixie said, then she understood the implications of what he said. "Wait, you're a doctor? How old are you?" she said incredulously.

"I will never get tired of being asked that." Card said with a satisfied smile on his face. "I'm 23. How old are you?"

"I'm 20, and don't change the subject!" Trixie exclaimed, "How are you a doctor?"

"I did a lot of hard studying, and it all paid off." Card added. "By the way, we have to go up this path." Card pointed at a dirt road that branched off of the main one that they had been following. "Jackie's apple stand should be this way if memory serves."

Trixie turned to follow him, then heard the rest of what he said. "Wait, Jackie." she said nervously, "That wouldn't be the same Jackie as the one I embarrassed on stage is it?"

"One and the same."

"And you don't think she would have a problem with helping the pony who tied her hooves up and shoved an apple in her mouth?" Trixie somehow managed to be both nervous and skeptical all at the same time.

"Nah, Jackie's doesn't seem like the type to hold a grudge." Card reassured her.

**_-At Applejack's Apple Stand!-_**

Applejack was preparing to fold up her stall for the day and head home, when out of distance she saw two silhouettes heading towards her. Putting everything back into it's place, she quickly put on what her little sister called her 'Sales Smile'. As the silhouettes got closer she identified one of them as Card due to his distinct way of moving head around like crazy whenever he spoke, as he was doing right then to a unicorn. Assuming that the unicorn was Twilight, because who else had she ever seen Card with, she galloped up to greet them with a genuine smile on her face.

"Howdy Twil-" However, when Applejack got a better look at the unicorn, the smile fell from her face as she identified her as the unicorn who had made all those boasts on stage earlier that day. "Oh." She said icily, "It's you. Have y'all come to brag some more?"

Before Trixie could respond with her own jab, Card decided to cut in. "Now, now, Jackie play nice. Trixie happens to be a friend of mine. Either way, I didn't come here to start a catfight. I came here to collect on that debt you owe me."

"You want that cider? Here." Applejack went over to her stall and pulled out a jug from beneath it. "Now take that Great and Powerful windbag away."

"Oh no, Jackie." Card said as he shook his head. "I don't want cider. You see, Trixie here has been having some problems with her wagon wheels, and she's run out of replacements for the broken ones. I was wondering if you could give her some of your spares."

"Can't she just _magic_ herself up a new one?" Applejack sarcastically asked.

Card made a move to answer only to be pushed aside by Trixie. "What is your problem?" Trixie asked Applejack. "I can understand you and your friends heckling me at my show, that's your right as my audience, but why are you being so rude to me now? I haven't done anything to you."

"You haven't done anything?!" Applejack looked shocked. "What do you call hog-tying me and stuffing an apple down my throat!"

"I call it 'Dealing with a mare who was disrupting my show!'"

Sensing the two mares were about to come to blows, Card stepped in between them and said, "Look, Trixie you did go a bit far in dealing with Jackie and the others, and you should apologize for that." Card whirled around to face Applejack, "However, you are not blameless either. What would you do if somebody came up to your cart in the middle of the day, and just started to insult you and your apples for no reason?"

Applejack thought it over. "_Ah'd tell 'em to buck off 'fore I buck them straight back to Ponyville._" Applejack let out a sigh and said, "Y'all are right, and ah know to admit it when ah'm wrong." She turned to Trixie and gave her apology. "Ah'm sorry for insulting y'all like that during your show." Applejack extended a hoof to her, "Can y'all forgive me?"

Trixie got a shocked look on her face, "O- of course," she said as she hesitantly reached out to shake Applejack's hoof, "I'm sorry for how far I went to try and teach you a lesson."

"No worries." Applejack then turned back to her cart, calling out behind her as she did so. "Ah've got to get all o' this back to the farm. If you'd follow me, ah can give you those spare wheels."

"Thank you." Trixie called out as she went to the cart as well, "Let me help you with that."

"Thanks." Applejack felt her earlier smile return to her face as she worked on breaking down her stall. As for Card, he stood there with a satisfied smile on his face thinking his thoughts until the cart was all put away and Applejack took them to the farm.

_**-I Wonder what Twilight was doing during all of this time. Let's find out.-**_

Twilight had awoken to find herself in her bed and upon getting out she noticed that her number one assistant was nowhere to be found. "_Where could Spike be?_" she wondered, "_Usually he's right by my bedside whenever I pass out. I hope he didn't go off to harass Rarity again._" Twilight shook her head as she realized that that's probably exactly what he went off to do. She started to head out her door to go get Spike from Rarity's when suddenly the dragon in question burst into the library like the hounds of Tartarus were after him. The first thought that passed through her mind? "_Oh dear Celestia, what did he try to do?!_"

"Okay Spike," Twilight said cautiously, "Where did you touc-"

***ROOOAARRR!***

"Please tell me that wasn't what I think it was?" Twilight asked Spike.

"Ursa- ***gasp*** Major-" Spike confirmed as he caught his breath. "It's in the town square."

Twilight rushed out of her house and dashed to the town square. When she got there she saw two strangely proportioned colts banging on Trixie's wagon, along with a very angry Ursa-... Minor. "_Oh thank Celestia, I can probably handle this. I just need a plan._" While Twilight was thinking, the Ursa Minor-

_**-Who will be referred to as Uri from now on.-**_

… Really? Well, okay. Anyways, while Twilight was thinking, _Uri_ was getting annoyed at the sound of constant banging on the wooden wagon door. In his rage, Uri attacked the wagon and smashed it, with the two colts just barely making it out in time.

"_Okay, I've got it!_" Twilight finished thinking of her plan and snapped out of her deep thought to see a broken wagon before her. "_I hope that's insured against wild celestial animal attacks._" She then kicked her plan off. "_Ok, first up is number six-teen._"

_**-You all know how the scene goes, let's just get back to Card and Trixie as they headed back to Ponyville with Applejack-**_

"So then, the old idiot tried to steal my hat." Trixie was telling her new friends about some funny occurrences that had happened to her during her other shows. "He burst onto the stage and-"

***ROOOAARRR!***

"What was that!?" Trixie asked.

"Ah don't know, but it came from Ponyville!" Applejack tore off down the path towards the village, hoping that she could help stop whatever it was that was happening.

Card, meanwhile, decided to answer Trixie's question. "It sounded like an Ursa Minor." he said.

"_An Ursa Minor! In town? Why?_" Trixie thought, when she heard some mutterings coming from Card, who seemed to be deep in thoughts of his own.

"...but if the baby's awake,..." He said.

"What was that?" Trixie asked Card, "I couldn't hear you."

Card gave a jolt, like he had forgotten that there was anyone else around then said, "I said, 'You should probably go with Jackie.' She might need your help."

Trixie turned to follow Applejack, but noticed that Card was going in another direction. After some brief hesitation, she decided that Applejack and her friends could probably take care of it themselves, cast a light bending illusion on herself, and followed Card on his path. After following him for about five minutes, they came to the edge of Everfree Forest. Trixie hesitated, but, after seeing Card walk in, continued stalking him straight into the Everfree. What she saw at the end of his walk, she almost couldn't believe.

"Look, I understand that you're upset that you've been woken up and your cub has run off. However, I cannot let you go into the city." Card said to the HUGE URSA MAJOR HE WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF! "Rest assured, the ones who did it will be punished and your cub will return to you by sunrise."

The Ursa Major gave a low growl.

"You have my word. Thank you for your cooperation." Card bowed to the beast and then headed back along the path he took to get in the forest. After Trixie took her jaw off the ground, she rushed along the same path to try and get to Ponyville before he did, all the while "_What was that?_" Kept on looping through her head.

Due to the fact that she was running while Card seemed to be going at a leisurely jog, she made it to Ponyville just in time to see Uri being airlifted out while he was suckling on a jug of some kind. Following the residual trail of magical energy to it's source, she saw Applejack talking with the ponies she was with at her show, along with...

**_-I cast focus shift on Twilight Sparkle-_**

"Heavens to betsy!" Applejack said to Twilight upon seeing her airlift Uri out of town. "We knew you had ability but not that much!"

"I'm sorry. Please, please don't hate me." Twilight plead.

"Hate you?" came unanimously from Applejack, Rainbow dash, and Rarity, with latter following up on it with,

"Why, whatever do you mean, darling?"

Whatever response Twilight would have had to that, we will never know, for at that very moment...

"AHHHH!" Trixie screamed as she saw the splintered wreck that once was her wagon.

"What is it?" Twilight started turning around in panic, "Is the Ursa Minor back?" Upon seeing that there were no star bears anywhere around, she focused her attention on the source of the scream. She found the sound to be coming from an azure mare, who was staring at the pile of wood that was the wagon that Uri attacked. "_Oh yeah. I guess from her scream that she doesn't have that insurance after all._" Twilight came closer to the mare in order to attempt to comfort her, but as she drew near she noticed that the mare in question was the Great and Powerful Trixie. Not that that would have been a problem, if it wasn't for the fact that Rainbow Dash had seen her too.

"HAHAHA!" Rainbow Dash's reaction was... less then polite. "Looks like you're not so great and powerful after all. Where were you when Twilight dealt with that Ursa Major? Probably hiding."

Rarity, being the observant mare she was, cut herself off from joining in on Rainbow's taunts when she noticed that Trixie wasn't responding. Rather, she was still looking at the pile of wood, quietly muttering, "no, no, no" to herself.

"Rainbow, darling," Rarity said, "I don't think now is the time..."

"I bet that you sent that Ursa Major into town to try and show off even more," Rainbow Dash continued, paying Rarity no heed.

"Actually, she was with me." Applejack said as she tried to shut her friend up. "Card brought her over to get some more wheels." Applejack took one more look at the pile of wood, "Though I think she'll need a bit more then those now."

"I knew all of that bragging was just hot air!" Rainbow continued on, ignoring her friends, preferring to deride the mare who beat her. She probably would have continued if it wasn't for the fact that Applejack chose to lasso her muzzle closed while Twilight went over to Trixie.

"Uhhm..." Twilight struggled to think of a good way to comfort her. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Trixie finally managed to break out of here shock enough to ask, "How? What?"

"The Ursa Minor who was attacking earlier took a swing at it." Twilight said. She tried to put a smile on her face. "Don't worry, I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks. Maybe it can be fixed."

"Yes, darling." Rarity decided to try to help out. "I'm sure that with a bit of work it'll be good as new in no time!"

"Everything I owned was in that wagon." Trixie said, sounding like she was about to cry.

"Maybe some things survived?" Applejack said after she finished tying Rainbow Dash up.

"No, no, you don't understand." Trixie said. "That wasn't an ordinary wagon. That was a compression model."

Applejack tilted her head in confusion, looking a question at an aghast Twilight.

"A compression wagon is one that is bigger on the inside then the outside." Twilight explained. "Everything in it is put in a pocket space, so that several things can fit in it. But if that's the case, then why didn't anything rematerialise?"

"When the object binding a pocket space is destroyed, the pocket space is destroyed along with it." Trixie explained, trying to distract herself from what happened. "Now I have no money, no food, and no house!" Trixie once more looked close to tears. "What am I going to do?" she sobbed.

Everypony around her felt a surge of sympathy, even Rainbow Dash, who had been listening to the conversation while she struggled against her bindings, felt bad. While they all tried to think of ways to help, Card finally came back into town.

"Hey guys." Card looked at all the downcast faces. "Whoa, who died?"

"Hey Card." Twilight said to her friend. "Nopony died, but in the Ursa Minor attack, Trixie's wagon got smashed. Now she's lost everything."

"Really?" Card said with an intrigued look and a devious smirk. "Interesting." He walked over to the crying mare. "Yo, Trixie."

"What?!" She snapped. "Oh, it's you. Sorry."

"No problem, perfectly understandable. Look, do you want some help?" Card offered.

Trixie was tempted, how could she not be, but her pride got in the way. "I don't want your charity!" she exclaimed.

"Who said anything about charity?" Card asked. "I'm not that generous."

"Then what do you mean."

"I'm offering you a job as my secretary." He explained. "I'll pay you twenty bits a day for the first two weeks, with a possible raise after you've settled in. In exchange: you'll do my all my paperwork, run reception at my office after I get one, along with any other little errands I don't feel like doing myself."

Trixie was shocked, as was everypony else. Twenty bits per day was a decent amount of money, and why would Card be throwing out that much per day on a mare he had just met that day. The one who actually voiced her disbelief was, surprisingly, Rarity.

"Darling, what are you thinking?" she asked, "Even I'm not that generous."

"Ah agree, where would you even get all that money?" Applejack added, throwing in her two cents.

"I'm a doctor." Card said in a voice like you would use to talk to a small child, "We tend to make a good bit of money. Speaking of, are there any houses for rent in this town?" He asked, "I can't very well have my secretary sleeping out on the street, what kind of image would that send?"

"Yeah, there are a few houses for rent near the south end of town." Applejack said, "Y'all'd havta talk to Mayor Mare about renting them though."

"Well okay then, it's settled." Card said with an air of finality, turning to Trixie. "At least, it will be if you agree to this arrangement. Do you?"

Trixie was speechless. "Yes, o- of course." she forced out, only to ask, "But why?"

"Hmm?" Card was busy looking at some prints next to the pile of wood. "What was that?"

"Why are you helping me?"

"You severely underestimate just how much I hate, _hate_, **HATE** paperwork." Card said. "Now then, Jackie, if you wouldn't mind could you take Trixie to the Mayor's office and get that rental business started?" He asked.

"Sure thing." Applejack said as she walked over to Trixie. "Come on sugarcube, town hall is that way."

"Oh wait, I almost forgot." Card said as he pulled a bag out of his jacket. As he tossed it to Trixie, he said "That should be 400 bits Trixie, consider it an advance on your first months salary. Be careful with it, I won't pay you any more until you've worked all of them back. Take tomorrow off to get familiar with the town, but the day after I expect you to meet me at the office. It's at 1870 Forestview St. and Sloat boulevard."

Trixie felt her heart swell. "Thank you!" She yelled as she and Applejack walked off, "Thank you so much! Good night!"

"Yeah, good night." Card waved them off. While he was doing this, Rarity came over to Twilight and whispered in her ear.

"You've found yourself a good stallion there. You should be careful somepony doesn't steal him from you." Rarity then straightened out and said out loud, "It's getting late, and I must get my beauty sleep. Good night!"

Twilight's tongue had decided to start training for the Equestrian National Yoga Tournament. She only snapped out of it when Card came over to her and started talking.

"Okay, two things." He said, "First, why is Rainy tied up?"

"Oh dear Celestia!" Twilight rushed over to her friend and began to untie her, apologizing all the while. When she finished, Rainbow Dash thanked her and flapped off, yelling good night as she did so.

"Okay, that doesn't answer me, but I guess it doesn't matter any more." Card shook his head. "Anyways, the other thing is I need to know who awakened Uri to begin with."

"Who?" Twilight asked.

"The Ursa Minor, who woke him up? They're in serious trouble." As Card said this, he stuck a hoof out behind him and tripped the two colts who were trying to run away. When they got back up, they found a pair of hooves holding them. "I assume it was you two?"

"Yes, yes, we're sorry, we're sorry." Snips and Snails blubbered in unison. "We just wanted to see the Great and Powerful Trixie do her magic personally. We didn't mean to cause so much trouble."

"Really?" Card said

"Yes, really!"

"Well, since you're minors I guess I can let you off easy this time." Card said as he let the two of them go.

"Thank you, thank you!"

"But." Card said threateningly, "You must promise me that you will never set foot in the Everfree forest, or bother Trixie, ever again. Do. You. Understand." with each syllable, Card switched his glare between the two of them.

"Yes, yes never again." They swore up and down, and then ran off as fast as their legs could take them.

Twilight looked down the dust cloud that the two colts had left behind, and then turned to Card saying, "Don't you think you were a little hard on them?"

"Nah, the official penalty that the two would have gotten for entering the lair of an Ursa Major is way worse." Card said dismissively, "A few months imprisonment if they were lucky."

"A few _months_!?" Twilight said, "Just for going into a cave?"

"Yeah. That was incredibly dangerous, and there are ponies who get off on doing things like that. If we don't punish them harshly, then more will try to do it, and a lot of them would get hurt. Possibly killed." Card explained.

"Okay, I guess that makes sense." Twilight said doubtfully. "I've gotta head home."

"Yeah, so do I." Card let out a sigh.

"What's wrong?"

"I just realized, if I start to work here, really work, office and all, we probably won't be able to hang out at the library so much."

"Oh." Twilight felt downcast, as the fact that she wouldn't be able to spend as much time with her friend anymore sunk in.

"Well, at least it's only five days a week. And hey, now we have someone else to talk to as well." Card tried to look on the brightside. "Trixie seems smart, and I know she likes to read. Having a third perspective in our discussions will be fun."

"Yeah, you're right." Twilight said, feeling a small smile come over her face. "Good night Card."

"Good night Twinkly." The two friends went their separate ways.

* * *

A/N: God this was a long chapter. Very fun to write though.

I think I give my narrator and my announcer to much freedom.

I was seriously considering just having them forget that Rainbow Dash was still tied up, and just leaving her there.

Don't worry, the next chapter will be much **MUCH** shorter, so short in fact, that I am uploading it tomorrow.

Please, Favorite, Follow, and drop me a review telling me what you find so appealing about my story that you're willing to go through over 7000 words for it.

Thank you, and have a nice day.


	8. Interlude:What Card Did During Dragonshy

Card woke up and started up his daily morning routine. He got himself out of bed, fixed himself some cereal, made himself some klava, and then went out to take a short walk while he enjoyed his drink. However, upon exiting his house Card noticed an ominous fog of black smoke was coming down from the mountains, and covering up the sky. When he saw this, he took a sip of his drink, smacked his lips a few times, and then tore off straight-

"Fuck that, I'm on vacation."

Back into his house? What are you doing dude?

"Huh? What was that? Oh hey big N, how's it going?" Card said as he turned around, looking in all directions. He seemed to be talking to himself.

"Oh come on man, don't be like that. I'm the only one here. Well okay, Ike's here but I mean, come on, It's _Ike_. He can't exactly tell anyone."

How can you even hear me? You're not that far along yet.

"Dude you know how flimsy the walls are here, Jackie could probably catch a whisper and she's the most orderly pony I know. Now then, how's the wifey?"

She's fine, now tell me why you're not going after that smoke!

"Because I'm on vacation. Besides, if I'm right, then it's out of my jurisdiction anyways."

What do you mean?

"Look, what kind of smoke is that?"

You know I can't tell you that.

"Look N, just do it to confirm, just this once. Please? For me?"

Hhhhhhhhhhhnn fine. It's Dragon smoke.

"Yeah that's what I thought. That makes this a diplomatic matter, which puts it firmly outside my jurisdiction. Besides, if it was anything serious the old fogy would've sent Silver, or Shade by now."

Yeah, but still. Twilight and her friends are going up there, don't you want to protect them?

"Twinkly's a big girl, and so are her friends. Look if you want to pester me, then at least make yourself useful. Help me decide how much of a raise to give her. The two weeks have passed and she's done some fabulous work!"

Really? Like what?

"Like the fact that her control over her magic is so fine, probably from all the delicate illusions she uses, that she can keep track of, and fill out, **TEN** pieces of paper at once. It's amazing to watch, she doesn't even use pens."

What do you mean?

"She just takes ten little ink balls and rolls them around the paper, using her magic to lift them up every so often."

Isn't that horribly inconvenient though?

"Yeah, but she still does all ten sheets faster then I could do one! When I asked her about it, she said that it was something she used to do to improve her control, and she just got so used to it, and it looked so impressive, that she just uses it now as her standard form of writing."

She seems pretty on the ball. You're paying her 20 bits a day, 5 days a week right now right?

"Yeah, I was thinking of raising it to 25. What do you think?"

Nah, with how good you say she's done you should show her more appreciation. Make it 27.

"Yeah, I can work with that."

Sweet. How's Trixie doing anyways?

"Actually a lot better then I thought."

Really? How?

"Well she's getting on fantastically with Twinkly. When they start talking about magic, It gets so incomprehensible that I just ignore them."

It can't be _that_ bad.

"Let me put it this way. It's the type of talk that _Tron_ would have whenever he gets excited."

Oh god!

"Yeah, you understand now don't you."

Yeesh. But they get along then? Even without you making her read those silly books of yours.

"They are not silly! But yeah, they're practically best friends by now. I'm almost jealous. Anyways, enough of this conversation, where's Aoc? I like him, he's quirky."

He's off enjoying the spring break. That's why we can't just drop this conversation, we have noone to do the transition.

"Glad to see you value my company so much. Anyway, next time you see him tell him I said hi. I've got to go get ready for Pie's first appointment."

That's today?!

"No, it's tomorrow. But I've got a lot to prepare for it, so if you don't mind..."

Okay, fine. I'll have to be there for the session, you understand?

"I understand. I don't like it, but I understand."

Great! In that case, see you tomorrow.

"I'd say see ya, but considering how far away from here we'll be, I shouldn't.

Right. Bye

"Bye" And with that Card went all the way back into his house, and fell asleep. Lazy bastard.

"I heard that!"

* * *

A/N:

Confused? Good so am I. Now then, I need to have a little talk with my Announcer.

This is the last time I write when my brothers throwing a blowout. If the amount of smoke that reached me made me do this, I'm afraid to see the downstairs.


	9. First Appointment

"Okay, ma'am if you would just sign here, here, here, initial here, and stamp here." The delivery mare said to Trixie. After Trixie had done so, the delivery mare stepped away, leaving only the long, wide, brown package at the door to the Card Psychiatric Offices.

"_I wonder what's inside? Card didn't mention a delivery today._" Trixie thought as she dragged the package over to her desk. "_Then again, he also forgot to tell me about the paper shipment, my desk arriving, and the pizza delivery yesterday._" Trixie rolled her eyes. "_I'll just have to give it to him when he's done._" After putting the heavy box against the wall, Trixie went behind her desk and got back to doing the work she had been in the middle of before the delivery came.

Trixie had been working for Card as his secretary for a full two weeks now, and she had to admit that it was one of her better jobs. The workload, if a bit large, was fairly simple, made all the easier by her talent for focusing on multiple things at once. Certainly it gave her a lot of free time, and Card was nice enough to give her a lot of leeway to listen to music and read on the job so long as she finished all of her work by a certain time, and followed the three rules: Always be polite to the patients, always refer to him as Dr. Card in front of them, and always treat everypony who comes in for a meeting that you see on the street as though you have no idea they had ever been here.

Overall it wasn't a bad job, and the apartment that she had been able to get thanks to Applejack's haggling was very nice for what she was paying monthly. Speaking of Applejack, she really helped Trixie recover from that bad first impression, to the point that she was able to call Rarity and Rainbow Dash, if not friends, then at least not enemies. That, along with the friendship she was able to strike up with Twilight over their studies of magic, went a long way towards making the little village feel more like a home to her. Certainly more then the lonely wagon had been.

"_Okay, thats all of the papers for that patient filed, now then who's the next one he's seeing?_" Trixie went through the list of patients coming in today. "_Silver Spoon has already been here today, Roseluck has already visited, Colgate- she's here right now, then up next is... Pinkie Pie?_" Trixie recognized the name of the bubbly pink mare who occasionally hung out with her and Applejack. "_She hasn't been here before. Why would she be coming here? She seems pretty mentally sound, if a touch quirky. Weird, looks like her appointment was the first one ever scheduled. I wonder why it took her this long to come in?_" Trixie shook her head, deciding that it's none of her business. "_Anyways, Card's current session should be ending right around-_"

"Okay Ms. Colgate, I hope that you'll be able to take my advice to heart." Card said as he walked out of his meeting room with the light-blue unicorn he was meeting with.

"_Ah, speak of the devil._"

"Yes, thank you for listening Mr. Card." The mare said.

"Thank you for being willing to talk." Card made a motion towards Trixie. "My secretary will help you set up your next appointment. Trixie." He called.

"Yes Dr.-" the mare -Colgate- flinched at hearing the word, "Card, I'll get to work on that right away." Trixie turned her attention away from the files and towards Colgate. "Now then, when would you like your appointment to be?"

"In the afternoon would be nice..."

"Okay, the next opening is-"

While Trixie was setting up the appointment, Card fidgeted around the reception area, thinking about how he would tell her about the raise he was going to give her. While his eyes were wandering, he noticed the package that was leaning against the wall. After hearing Trixie wrap up the scheduling, and seeing Colgate leave he went over to her desk.

"Trixie," He said, "We've certainly had a lot of business haven't we?"

"Yes," She agreed, "We can thank Applejack and her friends for making all those recommendations to the ponies they knew were going through rough patches."

"Yeah, they were definitely a big help, and so have you."

"Hmm?"

"You remember what I said about giving you a raise after two weeks?"

"Yes, yes I do." Trixie was getting noticeably excited.

"Well I decided to bump up your salary from 20 bits a day up to 27." Card smiled.

"That's so generous." Trixie was beaming, "Thank you!"

"Yeah, I'm awesome."Card got a smug little smirk. "Now, I can do this in two ways. Either I give you those seven extra bits each day, or I take your full salary and put it towards paying off the advance I gave you, so instead of paying it off in two more weeks with a little bit of extra spending money, you pay it off in about eight days and then get paid in full. Which will it be?" He asked.

"I guess..." Trixie thought for a little bit. "I guess I would rather pay it off quicker. I still have a good bit of that advance left, I can get by for another few days."

"Ok, excellent!" Card turned his attention to the box. "Quick question: How many more patients do I have today?"

"Just the one." Trixie said as she flipped through the files. "_I could really use a computer._" she thought. Out loud she said "Pinkie Pie actually, but I don't remember ever arranging an appointment for her."

"Ah." Card said as he opened up the box, "Yeah, I actually set that one up on my own." Card let out a whoop as he finished opening the package. "Yes! The pool table's finally here!"

"The what?" Trixie asked, confused.

"The pool table. You know, billiards?" Card explained, then pantomimed the action of striking a cue ball. "Pew, Pew?"

"I know what a pool table is, I was asking what we need one here for." Trixie took her turn to clarify.

"Well we need it because it's honestly a lot easier to get a grasp on somebody if you have an opportunity to see them focused. Not to mention that ponies feel more comfortable playing around then just sitting and talking to someone who they barely know."

"Yeah, and that's all you got it for." Trixie said skeptically.

"You know me too well." Card sighed, but with a grin. "I also just really like to play pool, and I didn't feel like bringing one over from my house. This way we have something to do when it's all slow." Card then started to drag the box inside his office. "Now come on, help me set it up, then you can knock off early."

"Okay Card, whatever you say." As she walked in, Trixie was already thinking about what she and Twilight would talk about today.

_**-Hey I'm back from my Vaca dudes. Now then, let's jet ahead to after they were done setting up the table.-**_

"Okay, so: cues?" Card listed off

"Put together." Trixie responded.

"Balls?"

"Set up and ready to break."

"Chalk?"

"Placed."

"And the table is in the perfect place to not hinder me if anyone just wants to talk. Perfect." Card was satisfied. "Ok, Trixie you can leave now."

"Are you sure?" Trixie asked as she was already heading towards the door.

"You know I am."

"Yeah, that's why I knew there was no harm in asking."

Card gave a short laugh. "Bye Trixie, I'll meet up with you and Twinkly at Thousand- Golden- Honey nut-... The library. I'll see you at the library in about an hour.

"Okay, see you then." Trixie waved goodbye and then was out the door towards her friends house.

After Trixie left, Card spent a few minutes going through his appointments for tomorrow, staving off his boredom, until there came a knock at the door.

"Finally." he muttered under his breath as he opened it.

"Hello Mr. Card." said a nervous Pinkie Pie.

"Please don't call me Mr. Card." Card said as turned around to show her to his office. "I'm can't be that much older then you."

"Really?" Pinkie said as she bounced into his office. "How old are you?"

"How old are you?" Card countered.

"I'm 21!" Pinkie said with all the enthusiasm of a four year old holding up her fingers.

"Huh, interesting." Card stopped walking and got into his big comfy chair. "I'm 23. Now then, let's get over to business. First question, why didn't your parents come with you? I thought they didn't trust me." Card asked.

"My p- parents?" Pinkie had become nervous again.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cake." Card clarified.

"They're not my parents." Pinkie said quietly as she looked everywhere but at Card. Card noticed this bizarre behavior and sighed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It's those eyes. They keep on showing up in my dreams ever since you yelled at me." Pinkie meekly said.

"Well I won't able to do much of anything if you're too nervous to look at me Pie." Card thought for a minute and then made a motion like he was trying to snap fingers he didn't have. "Wait here." he told Pinkie as he went over to his desk and started to rummage through the bottom drawers. "Aha!" he went as he emerged from behind the desk now wearing this,

And this.

...Needless to say, Pinkie was no longer nervous. In related news, Card was feeling somewhat self-conscious, probably due to the mare rolling around on his floor laughing at him.

"A-hem." Card cleared his throat and made an attempt to salvage his dignity. "So I take it that you're no longer afraid?"

"Yes. *tee-hee* I feel much better now."

"Great. Now if you don't mind Pie, could you please answer a few questions before we start?"

"Okie dokie loki!" She said as she bounced around the rather spacious office.

"Okay, first question." Card said as he looked at his clipboard. "What is your full name?"

"Pinkamena Diane Pie!"

"Nice name." Card tossed out off-handly. "Question number the next: Where do you currently live?"

"At SugarCube Corner!" ***Boing, Boing, Boing***

"Okay... Question number the final: Do you know how to play pool?" Card said as he looked up from his pad.

"I love to play in the pool! Especially when I have toys, and it's hot, and I've been able to fill it up with whipped cream, except this one time I ran out of my supply so I had to take some of Mr. Cake's whipped cream that he keeps in his and Mrs. Cake's room that's surprisingly full what with-"

"No, no, no." Card cut her off, shaking his head. "I meant the game with balls and sticks that you play on the table over there." Card rose a hoof to point out the brand new table in question, with the balls already prepped and the cues leaned up against it.

"OHHH!" Pinkie went as realization dawned in her eyes. "No I don't. Is it fun?!"

"Well I think so." Card went over to the table and threw a cue to Pinkie. "Do you want to play? I can explain the rules as we go along." His answer came in the form of nearly being knocked over by a bouncing Pinkie Pie.

"I love to try new games!" she flounced. flounced?

Card let out a sigh and and muttered "You are going to make some future boyfriend very happy."

"What was that?!" Pinkie turned back to face him.

"Nothing!" Card got a stricken expression. _Crap, that was supposed to be in italics!_

After recomposing himself, Card explained the rules of pool to Pinkie and started to ask her questions while they played.

"So if the Cake's aren't your parents, then where are they?" Card said as he lined up his shot to take the 6-ball into the corner pocket.

"They're still living on the rock farm!" Pinkie managed to still be exuberant despite her intense concentration.

"Oh? You grew up on a quarry?" Card asked, having decided to forgo his easy shot in favor of cutting her off.

"Yeppers!"

"So, why did you decide to leave?" As soon as the question left Card's lips, he could almost feel the temperature drop a degree, Celsius not Fahrenheit, and saw the face-splitting grin drop off of his patients up on Pinkie's discomfort he sighed and went over to her side. "Look, if you don't want to talk about it yet, you don't have to. I can understand if you feel uncomfortable telling someone who's almost a complete stranger your life story." He put a hoof on Pinkie's shoulder. Almost immediately the smile returned to her face and she took her shot, pushing her 12-ball closer to a pocket. Satisfied, Card went back around the table to sink; first the 3-ball, and then the 5-ball, meaning he now had two balls left to Pinkie's five.

"Wow!" Pinkie said, "I didn't even notice those were open!"

"Yeah, I figured." Card said distractedly, as he missed his next shot, putting the cue ball right in the perfect position for Pinkie to get the 12-ball in. "Damn!"

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered, "My turn again!" Pinkie took and made the easy shot, but accidently sent the cue ball after it.

"And that's what we call a scratch." Card said. "It means that now I can take the cue ball and put it anywhere I want on the table. Good thing too, we're almost out of time and I should wrap this up." With that said, Card switched pushing the cue to his dominant hoof. "8-ball, side pocket."

"Wait," went a confused Pinkie, "I thought you said that you could only hit the black ball in after you took out all your other ones."

"Yeah. I did." Card put the cue ball down, and lined up his shot. He fired the cue ball off towards the 6, bouncing it into the corner pocket and ricocheting the cue ball into the 8 which went straight into the side pocket.

"And that's game." He said with a satisfied smile. "Now then, before you leave I would like to give you a little assignment.

"Okie dokie lokie!"

"I would like you to, before our next meeting, figure out one thing about each of your friends that you don't like about them." Card said.

"What? Why?" the confused Pinkie asked. "I like everything about my friends."

"If you like everything about someone, then you don't know them well enough." Card explained. "Really knowing someone, being their friend, is about seeing all their bad parts and liking them in spite of it. Besides, you seem to have a problem with focusing so much on one aspect of something that you ignore all it's other parts."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were playing pool, you didn't notice that I had two shots perfectly lined up. You could have easily pushed one, or even both, out of the way, but instead you focused on getting the 12-ball closer to a place you could knock it in from. Your ignorance cost you the game."

"By doing this," He went on, "You're forced to pay attention to something you would usually ignore, along with getting a deeper understanding of your friends."

Pinkie, still a bit confused, said, "O- okay. I guess. But-" Pinkie got a concerned look on her face.

"But what?"

"What if I don't like what I learn." Pinkie said in a very small voice, head tilled low"What if I can't keep on liking them. What then?" Pinkie almost seemed ready to cry. Card pushed her chin up and gave her a comforting smile.

"Look," he said encouragingly, "I understand why you're worried, but trust me. I'm sure that you're a good enough judge of character to not have picked up any bad ponies as friends. Besides, if you like them as much as you seem to, then I'm sure that nothing you could learn would change that."

Pinkie seemed to take a little comfort in his words, and agreed to the task. After scheduling an appointment for two months from now, Pinkie left.

After making sure that everything was in order: the files were in place, the pool balls were all racked up, his pimp hat and shutter shades were properly packed back up, etc. etc., he closed up the office and went over towards Twilight's library, looking forward to unwinding with his closest friends in Ponyville.

* * *

A/N:

I am never letting Aoc go to California again.

Sorry for the wait, and I know that this chapter isn't nearly good enough to make it worthwhile, but I got hit pretty hard with the stomach flu.

Next chapter we cover the sleepover, and Boy! Have I been looking forward to this.


	10. On Screwing and Sleepovers (Part 1)

"Yeah, because there's no way a pony would ever have sex with a robot." Card said rolling his eyes, sarcasm so thick it'd take a chainsaw to cut through. "I mean: Animals, vegetables, rocks, things that vibrate, and conveniently sized holes sure, but a submissive android who looks exactly like a beautiful mare? Never!" Card took on a mock aghast look.

"Well maybe he has some self-control." Trixie shot back in defense of the book's protagonist, "What do think Twilight?"

"Uh- duh- mm-" Twilight was unfortunately unable to respond, due to her brain trying to process all of the imagery that Card just brought up, and her face flaring up because of each one to the point that there was some smoke coming off her horn. Card and Trixie took one at her predicament and did what any good friends would have done. They immediately put their hooves up on the table for balance to avoid falling due to excessive laughter. As Card's laughs began to peter out to chuckles, he went off to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Trixie asked in between laughs and gasps for air.

"I'm going to go get some ice water and shove Twinkly's horn in it." Card responded.

While he goes off to do that, it occurs to me that I should probably provide you with some context for what just happened. You see, it's currently friday afternoon and on friday afternoons, Twilight, Trixie, and Card like to grab a random book off the shelves of the fiction section and take turns reading aloud from it, and comment on it as they go along. Today's book was about a mare finding her husband after 5 years, on a far-away planet after one of his research expeditions lead to him being stranded there. While he was there he came across a mare android and with her help ecked out a life in the desolate wasteland. When his wife found him, she thought he might have cheated on her, to which he responded by saying that since she's an android, he would never sleep with her. This lead to Card's earlier comment, which lead to an overheating Twilight Sparkle and a laughing Trixie Lulamoon. There, you get all of that? Good, because Card just came back into the room, balancing a cup of ice water on his head.

"Trixie, a little help please?" Card called out. Trixie used her magic to levitate the cup over to Twilight and dump it onto her head.

"You feel better?" Trixie said to a sputtering Twilight.

"Yes, the feeling of ice all over my head felt just fantastic." Twilight snarked, secretly relieved to have be shocked out of her trance, as she levitated a towel over. As she turned her head to put the towel on, she caught a flash of orange and white outside her window. As the towel dropped onto the floor, she rushed over to open her door and call her friends in from the storm. "Applejack! Rarity!" she yelled.

"Jackie and who?" Card said as walked over to the door. Upon getting a good look, his eyes widened. "Holy shit!" He swore as he got a good look around, "Who put that picnic table there?! Oh, and also when did it start raining?" He got no answer to either of these questions, as Twilight was too busy herding her friends in through the door.

"Thank ya kindly for yer hospitality" Applejack said courteously. "Oh howdy Trixie, Card."

Rarity turned towards Applejack and snottily said, "Uh, do be a polite house guest and go wash up please, won't you?"

As Applejack grumbled out a response to that and turned around to go hose her hooves off, Trixie got up and said, "I can help you out with that."

"Why thank y'all." Applejack said, before shooting a glare at Rarity. "Good to know _some_ ponies still care about others needs." As her and Trixie both went outside, Twilight started to talk to Rarity about maybe her and Applejack staying over.

"Oh," Twilight said, remembering that she currently had company and turned to Card. "Of course you can stay too."

"Huh?" Card asked, having only half heard that. Most of his attention was still on figuring out how that picnic table got there. "What was that?"

"Would you like to spend the night?" Twilight asked.

"Oh yeah, sure." "_Probably got flipped all the way here from the picnic ground by an angry stallion with fantastic aim._" Satisfied with the explanation he made up, he turned back to the library.

"YAY!" Twilight yelped as she started to flip through her book, "Okay, step one: Makeovers."

**_-After Applejack and Trixie finished washing off Applejack's hooves, they went back inside to find...-_**

"What in tarnation?" Applejack gasped, seeing Rarity apply some kind of green gunk onto Twilight's... eyelid? Wouldn't that just make it go into her eyes when she opened them? Oh well, what do I know. Anyway, Trixie also walked in on the same sight, but her reaction was markedly different.

"Ooohh, Facials." Trixie said with a smile. "Can I get some of that?"

"Sure darling." Rarity went over to apply some of the... slime, I think, to Trixie.

"Now wait just a goll-darn minute. Ya make me wash the mud off my hooves, but it's okay for y'all to have mud all over yer faces?" Applejack sai- Wait that's supposed to be mud?! What type of mud is_green_?! Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be narrating.

"Silly! This is called a mud _mask_. It's to refresh and rejuvenate your complexion." Rarity explained.

"We're giving each other makeovers! Eee-hee! We have to do it, it says so in the book." Twilight said with a childlike glee as she levitated said book over to Applejack.

"_Slumber 101: Everything You..._" Applejack read, before taking on a shocked expression. She started to leave, saying "Oh hey, heh, would'ja look at the time. I gotta skidaddle on home quick. I'm powerful late for, uh, fer somethin'. Uh, g'night." She ran out the door, saw a bolt of lightning, screamed, and ran right back in. "Or maybe I'll sit here for a spell." She said with an absolutely terrified expression.

"Hooray slumber party!"

Trixie tried to convince Applejack to join in. "Come on Applejack, it's not so bad."

"Besides Applejack, you don't want to ruin Twilight's first slumber party do you?" Rarity asked accusingly.

"Well..." Applejack looked around for some reason to not have to cover her face in that sludge, no I am not calling it mud. Her eyes fell upon Card. "Why don't Card hafta put one on?"

"They tried." Card said as he munched on a cucumber, "I kept on wiping it all off." He gestured to the pile of green-stained tissues next to him.

"Well if Card don't need to put that stuff on, I ain't neither!" Applejack said adamantly.

"Come on, please!" Twilight said with her eyes in full puppy dog mode.

"No!" Applejack shook her head. "I'm sorry Twilight, but nuthin y'all could say will convince me to put that gunk on mah face."

Twilight just opened her eyes wider.

**_-Five minutes later-_**

"...You all look ridiculous." Card chuckled as he looked up from his book.

"Oh you be quiet!" Applejack snapped out, her blush so bright it was visible through the layers of slime on her face. "How much longer do Ah need to leave this on?" She asked Rarity with a pleading tone of voice.

"Oh, only a few more minutes. Unfortunately, _somepony_ ate the cucumber so we can't go through a full facial." Rarity said as she shot a death glare at Card.

Card, completely ignoring the attempt at intimidation, turned to Twilight as he marked off his point in the book. "So, what are we doing after this?"

"Oh, let me check!" Twilight levitated the book over the herself. "After makeovers we're supposed to... Tell scary stories! Oh this is so exciting! We'll do everything by the book, and then this slumber party will be officially fun!" Twilight said with an excited clap of her hooves.

"I'm pretty sure officially fun is an oxymoron." Card muttered, thankfully escaping Twilight's earshot.

"Okay, time's up." Rarity announced.

"Phew," Went Applejack as she wiped the slime off of her face, "Thank Celestia we're done with..."

"Now it's time for the curlers!"

"Ahh, horseapples." Applejack swore.

**_-Five more minutes later-_**

"Okay, makeovers check!" Twilight said as she poofed away the curlers. "Now, who wants to go first for ghost stories?"

"Me!" Applejack volunteered, "I'd like to tell y'all the terrifying tale of the prissy ghost who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness. Oo-oo! I'm sure y'all are familiar with that one?" She said drenched in sarcasm, her eyes never leaving Rarity's.

Rarity took it in stride and replied with a barb of her own. "Never heard of it, but I have a much better one. It's the horrifying story of the messy, inconsiderate ghost who irritated every pony within a hundred miles! Oo-oo!"

"That's not a real story, you made that up!" Applejack said as she got up into Rarity's face.

"It's a ghost story, they're all made up." Rarity shot back condescendingly. The two mares appeared to be close to blows, but fortunately they were interrupted by a crash of thunder, and the lights going off.

"AHH!" Went the two mares, before Twilight got between them with a lantern.

"I've got one!" She enthusiastically said, "This story is called _The Legend of the Headless Horse_." After taking some time to huddle around the lantern, everyone watched as she started her story.

"It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one. And three ponies were having a slumber party, just like this one..."

**_-One Sleepy-Hollow ripoff later,-_**

"...and just when the last pony thought she was safe, there, standing right behind her, just inches away was - _the Headless Horse!_" Twilight screamed for, standing there, just behind her, was a horse with blood coming out of it's stump of a neck. As Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack screamed and grabbed hold of one another, they heard laughter. Trixie and Card were rolling along the floor, laughing so hard that they nearly lost their heads.

"Oh... oh..." Trixie panted as she dispelled the illusion, "You three should have seen your faces."

"Nice one!" Card said as he raised his leg for a high hoof.

"That was not very nice!" Twilight said.

"Ohh?" Card asked as he raised an eyebrow, "Tell me Twinkly, what were you planning to do with that?" Card gestured at the blanket Twilight had put behind her with the intention of using it to scare her friends.

"Well, anyway," Twilight coughed out, embarrassed over having fallen for her own intended trick, "Ghost stories, check. Now then, who want S'mores?!"

"I don't know," Card said as he pointed at Rarity, "We'd need a lot graham crackers and chocolate if we want to cover that marshmallow."

Now it was Applejack's turn to fall over laughing, as Rarity started to blush.

"Wha- How dare you?!" she stammered out, alas, to no avail as Card was busy helping Twilight and Trixie set up the ingredients.

"Come on, Rarity, Applejack," Twilight yelled out, "It's time to start cooking!"

As Applejack picked herself up, and Rarity recomposed herself, they went over to help Twilight make S'mores.

**_-You all know how to make S'mores right? Good, then I can skip this part-_**

"And done!" Rarity said as she looked up from her perfectly symmetrical s'more. "Ta-da!" She said with a flourish.

"Ooohh." Twilight went as she admired the hors d'oeuvre.

"Impressive." Trixie said, talking about Rarity's showmanship, not her ability to put things onto other things.

Applejack, hoofing her roasting marshmallows over to Card, went to the table and ate the treat.

"Mmm-mmm!" She went with a supremely satisfied look on her face. ***burrp!***

Rarity let out a sigh, saying, "You could at least say excuse me."

"Aw, I was just 'bout to, but you interrupted me. Pardon." Applejack said flatly.

While those two glared at each other, Card split the rest of the marshmallows with Trixie. As they stuffed them into their mouths, Twilight went over to her book and marked off what they had just done. "S'mores, check. Now the next item of fun we have to do is Truth or Dare."

Upon hearing this, Card's ears perked up. "Truth or Dare?" he said as he swallowed the gooey marshmallow innards. "I love that game!" he went over to Twilight to set up the rules.

Applejack, having heard the same, opened her mouth, probably to hurl another insult at Rarity. However, when she heard what Card had said, she seemed to think better of it, closing her mouth.

Rarity, who was prepared to send a comeback at Applejack seemed shocked that no insult was coming her way. "What is it?" she asked concerned at seeing the look of concentration on Applejack's face.

"Listen Rarity, can we call a truce?" Applejack asked.

"Why?"

"He knows Brick. I need to know how." Applejack said with a pleading look, "Rarity _please_."

Rarity mulled it over for a bit, before finally saying, "Fine. I've got some things I wish to ask about as well." as she looked between Card and Twilight.

"Thank you!" Applejack looked like she just found out that the blazing inferno at Sweet Apple Acres managed not to burn a single tree.

"Hey, are you two done yet?" Card asked, "We're about ready to start." Card, Twilight, and Trixie were all sitting, well Trixie and Twilight were sitting, Card was lying down, in a circle on the floor around a bit. Applejack and Rarity came over and sat down across from one another.

"Okay, good we're all here." Card said, "Now then, here are the rules." He gestured to the coin, "When you pick someone, you flip the bit and if its heads, it's a dare. Tails, and it's a truth. Keep it PG-13, Dares end when the game does, No picking the pony who picked you, and no daring someone to tell you the truth about something. Understand?" He asked. As four heads nodded their comprehension he continued. "Good. Now then, as she is our host, Twinkly goes first."

Twilight looked around the circle, before finally settling onto..., "Trixie!" she said as flipped the coin. "Heads!" Twilight got a mischievous smile, which made Trixie very nervous.

"Wh- what?" She asked.

"I dare you to dump a glass of ice water onto _your_ head!" Twilight said triumphantly, summoning a cup.

Rarity and Applejack exchanged looks of confusion as Card chuckled and said, "Why Twinkly, I do believe I'm rubbing off on you." Trixie, for her part, turned almost as white as Rarity, but levitated the glass out of Twilight's field, took a deep breath and... ***Sploosh!*** turned it up onto her mane, completely undoing all the work that Rarity had just done on it. As Trixie shivered, Twilight let out a small laugh and levitated the towel she had used over to let her dry off.

"Sorry." Twilight said, still grinning.

"N-n-n-no p-p-pr-problem." Trixie chattered out as she wiped all the ice off her face and out of her hair. Through the towel she noticed Card chuckling. Let's see how much you like it! she thought maliciously. "I pick Card!" She exclaimed as she flipped the bit. _Damnit!_ she internally swore upon seeing the result. "Tails."

"Ok, so what do you want know?" Card said as he rolled over onto his stomach, his front hooves under his chin.

"Umm..." Trixie's eyes cast about for something to ask him, before her eyes landed on his jacket. "List off everything you have in your jacket." she said.

"Ok, one microt." Card said as he swung himself into a cross legged position and started to rummage around in his front pockets. "Ok," He started to draw things out one at a time. "We have: a d4, a d6, a d10, a d12, another d10, a d20, and..." He took out a small bag of bits and started counting them. "one, two, four... 28 bits!" He started putting everything back in.

"Wait, that- that can't be everything!" Trixie incredulously said.

"Yeah, what about the inside?" Twilight asked. "You're always pulling things out from inside your coat."

"Sorry, the only thing I have in my jacket right now is me."

"Impossible! Today I saw you pull out a ladder and then _put it back in_!" Trixie was nearly in hysterics.

"Don't be silly," Card said dismissively, "Have you seen how thin this jacket is? how would I keep a ladder in it?" Card scoffed. "That's silly." Card went back to lying down on his stomach and started looking around, trying to decide who to pick. "I pick... Marshmallow." He suddenly said as he pointed a hoof at Rarity, who was sitting right next to him.

"Sorry, what did you call me?!" A flustered Rarity said, trying to ignore the snickerings of Applejack and Trixie.

"Well you haven't exactly introduced yourself to me." Card pointed out.

"Of course, what was I thinking." Rarity, attempting to recover, extended a hoof to Card and introduced herself. "I am Rarity, seamstress extraordinaire. May I ask who you are?" She said with much eyelash fluttering.

"I'm Card, M.D." Card flipped the coin, and it landed on heads. "And I'm daring you to..." he tossed a look out the window, "Go stand outside for five minutes." he said.

"What!" Rarity started panicing at the thought of all the work she had done on her hair being ruined. "Y- you can't be serious."

"Yeah, and I'm going out there with you so I can make sure you stay out in the rain and don't hide under anything." Card was still looking out the window.

"Are you _sure_ I can't change your mind?" Rarity whispered into Card's ear in what she probably thought was a seductive tone of voice. And to be fair if it was tried against any other stallion it probably would have worked, but as this was Card... Well...

"Come on, let's go." Card said as he grabbed Rarity by the mane, don't ask me how, and yanked her out the front door. As soon as they left, Applejack jumped up from her seat and locked the door behind them.

"Applejack, what are you doing?" Twilight asked.

"Look, if ah know Rarity at all, she's gon wanna head back inside as soon as the furst water drops ge' inna her mane." Applejack replied, "Ah'm just makin shoor she follows the rules."

"Oh. Well I guess that's okay then." Twilight said, ignoring the banging on the door.

"Hey, while those two are outside, you two wanna wait or keep playing?" Trixie asked.

"Let's keep playing." Twilight said.

"Shoor, but as Ah'm the only one who hasn't gone yet, can ah pick?" Applejack asked.

"Yeah, okay."

"Makes sense to me."

**_-Meanwhile, outside-_**

"AHHHH!" Rarity screamed as she banged on the door. "LET ME IN, LET ME IN!" Card grew tired of this rather quickly, and so walked on over to the mysterious picnic table.

"So Madam Picnic table, if that is your real name, you mind telling me how you got here?" Card asked.

"PLEASE!" Rarity was sobbing.

"Comeon... Tell me."

"PRETTY PLEASE!"

"Tell me."

"MY HAIR IS IN RUINS!"

"TELL ME!"

"TO SAY NOTHING OF WHAT'S HAPPENED TO MY COAT!"

"...Damnit, that usually works." Card muttered.

"It's all... brown! and dirty!"

"Ok madam, I didn't want to have to do this, but you've forced my hoof!"

"And brown!"

Card took a lighter out from inside of his jacket.

"I can barely see my own cutie mark!"

"Last chance madam table! Tell me your story!" The table refused to make so much as a squeak.

"Oh my poor, poor, beautiful white fur!" Rarity had, by now, just fallen to the ground crying.

Card started striking the lighter. ***chick***

***Sob Sob***

***chick* *chick***

***Sob, Sob***

***chickchickchickchick***

***Sob, Sob***

***CHICKCHICKCHICKCHICKCHICKCHICKCHICK***

Rarity had by now noticed that nopony was paying her any attention and so got up off the floor. She walked over to where Card was interrogating and attempting to torture a picnic table..., Wow, never thought I'd have to say that again. Anyways, once she got close enough, she ploped back down onto the ground and started crying again.

***Sob, Sob***

But her efforts were in vain, for Card was still trying to get his lighter to work. He decided to turn to the oldest, most time-honored, and manliest way of fixing things there is.

***Smacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmac ksmack***

Meanwhile, Rarity was... ***Sob, Sob*** in an almost annoyed tone of voice.

Card had decided that hitting his lighter was doing no good, and if that had failed then clearly the problem wasn't with the lighter. He took a quick look around and then discovered the reason that his lighter wasn't lighting.

"Oh yeah..." Card said as he looked to the sky. "Rain... That's made of water..."

"Ahem." Rarity got up looking positively pissed off, and cleared her throat right behind Card. He didn't notice, instead...

"CURSE YOU MOTHER NATURE!" Card fell to his hind legs and shook his hoofs to the sky, then stopping momentarily as a thought struck him. "OR WEATHER PEGASI... I GUESS... DOESN'T REALLY ROLL OFF THE TONGUE THE SAME WAY THOUGH."

"AHEM!" Rarity cleared her throat even louder, this time getting Card's attention.

"Oh hey." Card said, just now remembering why he came out here. "How've you been doing?"

Rarity didn't deign to dignify that with a response, instead testily asking him, "Has it been five minutes yet?" through clenched teeth.

"Huh? Oh yeah, it's been like seven."

"...What."

"Anyways, just hose yourself off and we can go back inside." Card said, ignoring Rarity's building anger.

"_Come Rarity, you're better then this..._" Rarity thought to herself as she walked over to begin washing herself off.

Card went off to join her, but first he paid his respects to a worthy adversary. "Well done Madame. I applaud you your courage." He bowed to the picnic table, and then threw the lighter back into his jacket.

After Rarity finished washing off, Card walked up to her.

"Comeon, let's head inside."

"How? The door's still locked!" Rarity asked in a huff.

"Card let out a short laugh. "Oh, like that's ever stopped me."

**_-TO BE CONTINUED! *DUN DUN DUN*-_**

* * *

**A/N:**

If you like this story and want others to read it, please leave a review as most people judge a whether a story is worth their time or not by how many reviews it has. Thank you.

Here's a little preview of the next part.

"This is not the first time I've had to wear a dress. Or, incidentally, the 26th."


	11. On Screwing and Sleepovers (Part 2)

**_-Last Time on the Stallion in the Library-_**

"CURSE YOU MOTHER NATURE!"

**_-And Now, The Story Continues-_**

"Hey all, we're back." Card waved to the sitting mares as he emerged from Twilight's kitchen followed by a miffed, soaking Rarity.

"Hi." said Twilight

"Hey"

"Howdy." Applejack said with a wave.

"Harumph." Went Rarity, turning up her muzzle as she levitated the towel over to herself.

Card went back to laying down, before asking a question that had been on his mind since he entered the room. "Trixie?"

"Yes?" Trixie said distractedly.

"Why are you in a straitjacket?"

"Dare."

"Oh, so you kept going?"

"Yes we did." Twilight interjected. "We didn't want to wait five minutes."

"Ok, so whose turn is it then?"

"Well, we all had a turn while you two were outside. So I guess it's Rarity's."

"Great. Rarity, pick a pony." Card gestured towards the now dry mare.

After another glare that once again escaped Card's notice, Rarity chose, "Twilight." She flipped the bit and it came up tails. Rarity racked her brain trying to come up with something to ask Twilight, but her anger at Card kept her from focusing. Finally she just chose to ask something that she had noticed when she first came in. "Why was your mane all wet earlier?"

Twilight blushed again, but eventually just said, "Trixie poured a glass of ice water on my head." in a tone that very clearly said she didn't want to go any further into it. "Anyways- I choose Card." She flipped- Tails. Before she could ask Card anything, she heard a cheer.

"Whoo!" Trixie burst out, standing next to the straitjacket she had just been wearing. "Told you I could do it without magic Jackie!"

Rarity, Applejack and Twilight clapped at the accomplishment.

"Well done!"

"I'll be durned."

"Very impressive."

"Yeah, congratulations." Card said as he threw the straitjacket into the fireplace, then went back to his spot lying down. "What?" He asked as he saw the confused mares before him.

"Uhh, Card?" Twilight said.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you just do that?" The instant the words left Twilight's mouth, she regretted them. The air seemed to get colder as she saw Card's eyes turn hard.

"I don't like straitjackets." The mares were all taken aback by the amount of pure spite that came along with Card's words.

"Oh... Okay." Twilight said hesitantly as she backed away slightly.

"Anyways, now it's my turn." Instantly, Card's previous cheerful demeanor returned. "I choose Jackie." Heads.

"Hmm..." Card appeared to be in deep thought, looking at Applejack with a level of scrutiny that made her feel as self-conscious as Fluttershy. As Applejack shifted in her seat, she was startled to hear Card actually tell her his dare.

"Give me your hat." He said.

"Wha? Why?" Applejack asked.

"Because I want to be able to say that I was alone in a room with four naked mares." Card said impatiently. "Now give."

Applejack forked over her hat, and Card immediately put it on his head.

"Card, I think that hat might be a bit to sm- huh?" Trixie broke off confused at the sight of the stetson growing to accommodate his larger head.

"A One-size spell?" Twilight said. "Applejack how did you get a enchantment like that? It takes a ridiculous amount of magical power, I could barely do it."

"It was like that when Ah got it." Applejack said. "Anyhow, my turn now. Ah pick Rarity." Heads. "Ah dare ya to go wipe all that make-up off yer face."

"Done." Rarity said as she quickly used the towel that was still right next to her to sponge off her mascara and eyeshadow.

"That was quick." Applejack said taken aback. "Ah was expecting a bit more of a fight."

Rarity, ignoring Applejack, immediately levitated up the bit. "Card," She said with enough venom in her voice to make a basilisk blush. The bit came up heads and she sprang up, magiced up a ridiculous dress, all blue and pink and frilly and with a ridiculous hate that looks like it belonged at a renaissance fair.

"Put. It. On." Rarity forcefully said as she shoved it at Card. _Let's see how much you like being humiliat-_

"Done."

"Huh?" while Rarity was thinking her evil thoughts to herself, Card had quickly put on the dress and gone right back to laying on the floor. "Wha?"

"How did you that so fast?" An awestruck Twilight asked.

"This is not the first time I've had to wear a dress." Card said. "Or, incidentally, the 26th."

If you listen carefully, you can hear all of Rarity's dreams for revenge shatter. Anyways, following that bit of weirdness Twilight decided that they had had enough of truth or dare and declared the game over. Card got out of his dress, revealing that he had somehow managed to put it on without removing his jacket, Applejack got her hat back, and Rarity, catching sight of herself reflected in the window, yelped and rushed off to the bathroom to re-apply her makeup.

"What's up next Twinkly?" Card asked as he scooped up his bit and threw it back into his pocket.

"According to the book, it's... pillow fights?" Twilight was confused, "Am I supposed to make some sort of pillow golem- Mff!" Twilight was finding it hard to talk around the massive pillow that was just thrown in her mouth. After she spit it out, realization dawned on her. "Oohhh. I get it, pillow fi- Mff!" upon spitting out yet another pillow, she realized that the fight had already started.

Applejack had a nice stack of pillows right in front of her, doubling as cover as she kicked them at the other ponies, mostly focusing on Rarity. Rarity, for her part, was doing a good job herself, grabbing and levitating the pillows around her as she launched them around the room, mostly focusing her onslaught on Card. Trixie was doing something similar, but she had only one pillow that she was keeping constant control of, making it go way overhead only to boomerang back and hit directly on the back of your head, or sending it off at one pony, only for it to change course midway and zoom off towards somepony else. She was the one who had nailed Twilight twice. Then there was Card. He decided to forgo any ranged attack and just grab a pillow between his teeth and rush around bashing the mares over the head, across the back, at the legs, just tanking through any pillows that went his way, all the while with a mad grin on his face.

Seeing all of the fun, Twilight gave a whoop and jumped right in, sending her pillow directly at Trixie's legs with the goal of tripping her up. But Trixie saw her coming and leaped over the incoming projectile, sending off one of her own. Twilight intercepted the pillow with her own magic in midair, trying to redirect it straight back at Trixie. The opposing magical pushes grew so strong that the pillow burst in a cloud of spinning white feathers, through which came Card boping Twilight right over the muzzle before he took a shot from Rarity that made him stumble. Rarity, seeing her chance launched all the pillows she had at her disposal straight at the dazed stallion, but her tunnel vision lead to a direct hit from Applejack's pillow straight to her perfectly combed and curled hair, ruining it for the third time that day, causing her to now focus all her attention on Applejack. The battle went on like this for quite a while, getting more and more intense, everypony getting more excited and hyper until-

***Smack* *Slam***

Card had hit Twilight across the side so hard that she hit the floor. Upon seeing that she wasn't getting up, all the rage left his body.

"Time out!" He called. However only Trixie heard him, rushing over as Rarity and Applejack continued their back-and-forth.

"Hey!" Trixie yelled, trying to get the dueling mares to cease. However this attempt failed as well. A stray pillow veered off in the direction of the unconscious Twilight, only to be stopped by Card's hoof, his blue eyes cold as ice.

"I said," He spoke in a penetrating whisper, as all heat seemed to escape the room, "Stop. It." He looked between Rarity and Applejack who had dropped their pillows at the sudden chill up their spines that had nothing to do with the seeming cold. This act done, he directed all his attention to the mare on the floor, who he carefully checked over. Finding nothing other then a minor bump, he lightly smacked her into consciousness.

"Owww..." Twilight moaned as she awoke. Blinking she asked, "What happened?"

"I got a little carried away." Card said. "Maybe we should stop the fight."

"Oh. Well it is getting a little late." Twilight looked at her clock as she rubbed her head. "Let's head on off to bed."

"Marvelous! I was feeling a touch tired." Rarity said. "So where are the beds?"

"Oh they're-" Twilight stopped as a sudden realization struck her. She let out a nervous laugh.

Card decided he was thirsty, and so left to go get something to drink.

"What's wrong Twi?" Trixie asked as she noticed her friends discomfort.

"Well... You see..." Twilight hemmed and hawed around the subject before just spitting it out. "I only have two beds."

"Ah don't mind taking the guest bed." Applejack said.

"I'm fine with that too." Trixie threw in.

"Okay then!" Twilight cheered, satisfied that this problem had been resolved so quickly. "So, Rarity I guess you're sharing a bed with me." she enthused.

"What?" Went a mortified looking Rarity. "I couldn't possibly take your bed away."

"Well you three won't all fit onto one." Twilight explained.

"Then I will use the guest bed, let Applejack sleep with you." Rarity said.

"Why Ah could never! What kinda houseguest takes away her hostess's bed?" Applejack said.

"Fine," Twilight said with a sigh, as she turned to face Trixie, "You sleep in my bed."

"Sorry Twi," Trixie said as she shook her head. "Remember what happened the last time I laid down in your bed?"

Twilight let out a shudder as she remembered the horrible rash Trixie had gotten after just being on her sheets for a few minutes. "Good point. Then it's between Applejack and Rarity."

The two mare's started arguing.

"You sleep with Twilight!"

"No, Y'all can sleep with Twilight! I'll be fine with Trixie."

Naturally, these last two lines were when Card came back into the room. After some brief flashes of thoughts that I couldn't describe without bumping up the rating, he remembered what they were talking about when he left. He also decided that this argument could go on for hours, and so he reached into his jacket and pulled out some straws.

"Here." He said, thrusting them into the mare's faces. "Two of these have blue tips, the other two have red tips. Red gets the guest bed, blue takes Twinkly's room." After a few glares between Applejack and Rarity, the mares agreed and drew straws. Twilight and Trixie shared the guest room, with Applejack and Rarity taking the master bedroom. "There, everybody happy?"

"No."

"Naw."

"No."

"I don't really have a choice, now do I."

"Perfect." Card gave a nod of satisfaction. "Now then, let's hit the hay." As the mare's went off to their sleeping places, Twilight noticed something amiss.

"Card?" she asked

Card gave a grunt of acknowledgement.

"Where will you be sleeping?"

"I'll be fine."

"Well do you need anything? Pillows? Sheets?"

"Well, I'm pretty good on pillows," Card said as he lifted up one of the dozen still scattered around the ground, "But some sheets would be nice."

Twilight levitated some sheets over to Card, before turning to leave.

"Good night." She called out.

"G'night. Oh," Card said suddenly remembering something, "Tell Trixie I said good night to her too." He said this so earnestly that Twilight couldn't help but giggle a bit.

"I will." And with that Twilight went to her guest bedroom.

**_-In Twilight's guest bedroom-_**

Still as fond of redundancy as ever, aren't you Aoc? Well I was _planning_ on going through Card's nightly rituals, but apparently Aoc wants to see the mare's preparations instead. I apologize for the inconvenience. Anyways, Twilight and Trixie were lying in bed, having a nice chat.

"That was a lot of fun, wasn't it?" Twilight asked Trixie.

"Yeah." Trixie gave a contented sigh. "The pillow fight especially. I haven't gotten to charge my horn like that since my last performance, I thought I was getting out of practice."

"Oh. Well, you know," Twilight hesitated a bit.

"What is it Twi?"

"If you want, you could study magic with me. Only if you want to!"

"I'd love to!" Trixie beamed. "I've never had as much fun arguing with somepony about magic as I have with you. Practicing with you can only make it more fun!"

"Oh this will be so amazing!" Twilight was nearly hopping in her bed. "I haven't had a chance to study magic with somepony else before!"

"Really?"

"Well Spike helps me out sometimes, but that's usually just as a place to test my spells." Twilight admitted. "He isn't much help with the technical stuff."

"Oh. So what book off your shelves will we be studying first? Although, honestly I can't imagine you haven't already read them all." Trixie said with a short chuckle.

Twilight started shuffling nervously around in the bed. It seems that she forgot that Trixie might actually want to know where the spells she was studying were coming from. You see, Twilight hasn't told Trixie about her being the Princess's personal student.

"Well..." Twilight hesitated, carefully choosing how to proceed. "You're right, I have studied all the magical books in this library."

"So what will we be studying?"

"I don't know yet. The Princess sends me a new list to learn on sundays."

"The Princess?"

"Yeah." Twilight let out a sigh. "I've Princess Celestia's personal student since I was 13."

"Huh." Trixie mulled this over. "So should I come sunday afternoon?"

"What!" went a shocked Twilight.

"Bad time? Then when should I come?"

"No, no, sunday afternoon will do fine, I mean, I just meant... Is that it?"

"About what?" Trixie looked confused before comprehension dawned on her. "Ohh, you mean about the Princess being your personal tutor?"

Twilight gave a nod.

Trixie gave a shrug. "I don't see why who taught you magic should make a difference to me."

Twilight let out a small sigh of happiness, only to suck it back in when Trixie kept talking.

"Speaking of." Trixie rolled over so she and Twilight were nose to nose. "What were you thinking earlier that made you blush so hard?"

"Oh. Well it was just..." Twilight's mind went back to the incident, specifically all the things that were racing through her mind. The image with the rabbit, and the carrot, and the chicken, and the vibrating pebble, and Twilight's blush was back in full force.

"Are you okay?" An amused Trixie said. "Do I need to get the ice-water again?"

"NO! No, no, no, I- I think I'm fine." Twilight gave a shudder remembering how it felt to have all that ice going through her mane.

Trixie started laughing. "You're acting like a scared virgin about to take the plunge."

"i'm not a virgin." Twilight whispered.

Trixie's laughter ceased. "What was that?" she said as she pointed her ear at Twilight, not sure she heard her correctly.

"I'm not a virgin." Twilight said a bit more clearly.

"O- oh." Trixie said awkwardly. Frankly I don't blame her, how do you respond to something like that in casual conversation. Well, as casual as pillow talk can be. Still, seems like Twilight still has to learn some more social graces.

Twilight, sensing the awkwardness, decided that it was late.

"Yeah Wow, look at the time!" Trixie said, trying to hide her embarrassment. "Uh, G'night." She rolled over and immediately started feigning sleep.

"Good night Trixie." Twilight also rolled over so the mares back's were facing each other and started to fall asleep, happy about having gotten one on Trixie in exchange for all the time Trixie had gotten her flustered.

Trixie's last thought before falling asleep? _I hope this awkward go's away by morning, otherwise it'll be the second most awkward time I've woken up in Twilight's bed._

What about Twilight's final thoughts? _Stupid, stupid, stupid! I forgot to tell her that Card said goodnight! I hope he won't be too disappointed in me._

* * *

__A/N: The sole reason the scene with Twilight and Trixie was there is to show how close the two have gotten without Card being around.

Preview of the next part: _Aoc? Aoc! Aoc, stop dancing._


	12. On Screwing and Sleepovers (Part 3)

**_-Last time on The Stallion in the Library-_**

"You sleep with Twilight!"

"No, Y'all can sleep with Twilight! I'll be fine with Trixie."

**_-And now the story continues-_**

And so ends a good day with a delightful- Huh? You want me to do what? Are you sure? All of them? All five? Okay, you're the boss. Ahem, Sorry about that everyone, I have just been informed that we have a bit more to do before I can call this finished. Who's up for a little dream-walking?

**_-I am!-_**

Aoc, even if you weren't you wouldn't have a choice. Now then, for the duration of our little voyeuristic outing, I will be represented with _italics_, and Aoc will just be in plain **bold**.

_Now then, Aoc if you would?_

**Sure thing N. Let's see, who should we start off with? Well Trixie's closest. Into her brain! Whee!**

_Ouch. Well we're inside now, let's see... Oh, there she is! Why is she doing that?_

**Maybe it's just her way of practicing. Haven't you ever had something you worked so hard on that you started to work on it in your sleep?**

_Yeah, you have a point. Oh! I almost forgot to do my job, my sincerest apologies. A-hem._

_ Trixie was sitting alone in the center of a room. She was surrounded by various and sundry objects, and she appeared to be attempting to make each one do a different thing. She was trying to make the tea kettle whistle, to make the rope dance, to make a books pages flip, etc. etc. However while her magical control was enough to reach all the objects separately, she lacked the sheer power to make them do exactly what she wanted. The kettle merely gave off an impotent whine, the rope just wiggled a bit, and the pages were barely coming up, instead just sliding to the opposite side, etc. etc. until finally she could keep the magic flowing no more and released all her spells_

"Huff, Huff."_Trixie heaved_ "Just a bit stronger, just a bit stronger." _She repeated this mantra to herself over, and over again as she geared up for another try._

_ Admirable tenacity, don't you think Aoc?_

**Yeah. The mare's determined, I'll give her that. But, unfortunately this dream doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Let's get out.**

_Very well, but please be more-_

**Yoink!**

_...Did you just say 'yoink'?_

**Oh shut up, we're out aren't we?**

_sigh... Fair enough. Now then, who next?_

**Let's take a peek into Twilight's head, she seems to be having an interesting dream.**

_I agree, look at her twist and turn. It's a miracle Trixie hasn't woken u- Ahh! Yeesh, warn me before you do that!_

**Why?**

_So I can brace myself!_

**How exactly do you brace yourself for going into someones dreams via their ear?**

_Ugh... We'll come back to this later. For now, look at Twilight._

_ Twilight stood in front of a massive row of bookshelves, trying to reshelve some books that were recently checked in._

"Why does Card insist on folding the corners down on the books h-" _Twilight suddenly stopped as something caught her eye. Something that should not be there._ "What's a cookbook doing in speculative fiction? Did Spike misplace it? Well, no problem I'll just put you back into your place when I've finished with all of these. Now the-" _Twilight stopped in her tracks, seeing another out of place book. As she looked closer at the bookshelf she was putting books back into she noticed that it was full of all kinds of books, except the ones that were supposed to be there._ "No, No, No." _She started to mutter to herself_"This is wrong, all wrong, you're not supposed to be here." _Then she happened to take a look at the book she was currently in the process of reshelving_ "A History of... Eastern Oka? What have I been doing?"_She started to hyperventilate seeing all the books she had put back, thinking they were all where they belonged, into the wrong places._ "no. No! No! NO!"

_Hey what's going on? Why are we back in the bedroom?_

**Looks like she just woke up.**

_Well I guess that explains the scream. Dear lord, Trixie's still asleep._

**Kind of a lame nightmare though. Why are all librarians neurotic?**

_I dunno. Well anyways, we're all done in this room._

**To Applejack and Rarity!**

_AHH! There, we're here, now let go of my hand!_

**Oh, sorry.**

_You should be. Seriously, I know my arms are short but they don't need to be stretched._

**I said sorry, yeesh. Now stop grumbling and let's go into Rarity. You ready?**

_Yeah, sure whatever._

**There we g- Why is it so dark in here?**

_Heck if I know, it's Rarity's subconscious._

**Well let's try to- AHH!**

_What happened?_

**I tripped over something. Seems to be a chair.**

_Huh. Okay my eyes have adjusted now, Looks like we're in some kinda auditorium. Wow, that's a lot of balconies!_

**House seems pretty packed too. I don't think I can see a single chair that isn't filled.**

_Well would you have a dream where you perform to a small crowd?_

**Good point. What's that runway for?**

_It's Rarity's fantasy, what do you_ think _it's for?_

**Stop condescending at me! When do you think t- maw'tok!**

_Given the spotlight you were staring directly at just turned on, I'd say the show starts now._

**hhh... Ow. Hey, why's Card here?**

_I have no idea. Either way, it's clear Rarity doesn't know Card very well._

**What makes you say that?**

_When have you ever seen Card sit still like that?_

**Oh. Well, either way let's get outta here.**

_Agreed, It's bad enough when Maria drags me to see these stupid things._

**Well that was boring. Hey, what's wrong with Applejack?**

_Looks like she's crying._

**No shit sherlock. Why do you think she's crying. And smiling. This is weird.**

_Well, let's find out. Do your thing Aoc._

**Ok, hold on!**

_Oww. You could have been a bit more gentle._

**Yeah, I could've.**

_...Bitch._

**P'tahk**

_Sigh... Hey, why is everything so... so..._

**Sepia?**

_Yeah._

**This seems to be a memory.**

_Really now? Oh hey there's Applejack. She looks really young, like 14_

**Hey, who's that unicorn in the hat she's talking to? And why are they sitting in such a bare bedroom?**

_Oh god. That's... that's Brick. Wait, I can hear her._

"Ah just... Are yah sure you have to go?" _Applejack said morosely_

"Yeah, you know how huge an opportunity this is for me A.J." _Brick said,_ "It's the top med school in the kingdom, all of my hard work has finally paid off."

"Ah know, Ah know." _Applejack had her head tilted down, her long hair covering her eyes._

_ Brick let out a sigh._ "Ok, what's wrong?" _he asked._

"It's jus... when you make it to that big fancy city, with all those big fancy hospitals and big fancy ponies... What if you dun... dun..." _Applejack was openly sobbing now._

"What if I don't want to come back?" _Brick tenderly said._

_ Applejack just gave a nod, still sobbing. Brick began to rub along her back with one of his hoofs, attempting to to comfort the cry filly, while his other hoof rubbed his head and fiddled with the stetson on top of it. He looked lost for a while before suddenly an idea struck him._

"You know the story behind this hat?" _he said as he took it off of his head._

"N- nope." _Applejack said, her sobs subsiding._

"This hat was the first thing I ever bought with the first paycheck I ever earned. I saw it in the window of a shop and knew I just had to have it. One day, I noticed that it was feeling a bit too tight. Turns out I was starting to outgrow it. Now, I could've just thrown it away, got myself a new one, but I loved this hat so much that I went into that big old library in town and started researching how to make it a bit bigger. I must have spent five hours a day _at least_, until I finally found a spell that would make it fit no matter how big the head it was put on. Now, you know I'm no great shakes at magic, I can barely lift a pen, but I studied that spell harder then I had ever studied for anything else, until finally, after weeks of trying, I got the spell just right."_The whole time he was talking, he was looking down at the hat with a slight smile on his face, remembering the simpler times. He let out a sigh,_

"This hat is my most prized possession, more then this house even. So-" _He said as he placed the hat onto Applejack's head, lifting her chin up with one of his hoofs so he could look her in the eye,_ "You take good care of it, because, no matter how long it takes or what gets in my way, I'm going to come get it back."

_At this, Applejack sprang up from the bed she was sitting on grabbing Brick in a huge hug. Tears began streaming down her face again, but this time she was smiling underneath them._

_ I think we've seen enough of this. Let's get out._

**Y- ye- yeah.**

_Aoc? Aoc are you crying?_

**Shut up, it was a sweet moment. A-hem, now then all we have left is Card right?**

_Oh yeah. This is bound to be interesting._

**Definitely. Come on, let's go to the main room.**

_..._

**...**

_..._

**...**

_... Okay, I don't know what confuses me more: where he got the king-sized waterbed from, or where he got enough water to fill it all up with._

**I just hope that none of the unicorns trip over this thing in the morning. All that water would not be fun to mop up.**

_Yeah. Anyways, lets head in._

**Aaaaand away we go!**

_Aoc? Aoc! Oh, there you aaaaa- What the hell are you doing? Aoc. Aoc! Aoc, stop dancing!_

**I can't help it! It's! to! Catchy!**

_Oh jeez, how do I even begin to describe this. It's... Well it's... You know what, here. Make of it what you will._

_**I can't take it anymore! I'm getting us outta here! Hold on tight!**_

_ Owww... Hey, this isn't the... What the... Hhhuuuuuh?_

_**Yeah, this isn't the outside. Looks like we haven't reached the center of Card's dream yet.**_

_ You know what. Screw it, I don't care just get us out._

_**I can't do that, we have to go through all of his layers of dreaming before I can pull us out. It's like a river that has a current you can't fight against, and each dream layer is a rock that you can hold onto for a period of time.**_

_ So we have to go through all of his fantasies?_

_**Yep! Don't worry, there's only a couple more layers before we reach his true center. Let's go!**_

_ ...Ok, you know what, screw it, I'm not even going to bother questioning it. Let's just keep moving._

_**Fine.**_

_**Uhh... Do you see that?**_

_ No, and you don't either!_

_**Agreed. There, this is his last level of is strange, have you ever seen anything like this?**_

_ What, you mean two heavily barred doors within the depths of someones mind? No. Hey hey hey._

_**What?**_

_ What are you doing?_

_**uhhh... Getting us out of here? Like you said too, remember?**_

_ Don't be so hasty, this is the first level of his brain without any obnoxious music. Let's see what he's dreaming of._

_**Yeah ok. Which should we take, door number one or door number two?**_

_ He's behind door two._

_**Huh? What makes you so sure?**_

_ It's all locked from the inside._

_**Good point. So how do we get in?**_

_***Knock, knock, knock***__ Hey Card, open up!_

_"Hi N. So you're the one I've been detecting snooping around in my head."_

_**I'm here to!**_

_"Hey Aoc. Listen, you both can come in but I have a little work that I need to finish up right now."_

_Card was sitting at a wooden desk in a large chair, his jacket hanging up on a coat rack next to the door. He had two large filing cabinets next to him, one on each side. Suddenly he looked up with an annoyed expression on his face._

_"Must you?" He said in a frustrated tone of voice. And yes, I must. With a roll of the eyes and little sigh, he turned his attention back to the file in front of him. Where was I? Oh yes. The filing cabinet to the left of him was divided into six parts, reading from top to bottom as: Magic, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity, Honesty, and Laughter. On his other side was a similar cabinet, this one reading: Chaos, Pride, Honor, Wisdom, Courage, and Strength. Speaking of which, why are you doing this in your head?_

_"It's the safest place for this type of information." Card said as he rubbed out one of the words he was writing. "Hey make yourself useful and tell me how you spell histrionic."_

_**H, I, S, T, R, I, O, N, I, C,**_

_"Thank you Aoc." Card got up from his desk and closed the folder, putting it into the drawer marked Generosity, before the drawers and the desk all melted away into the floor, leaving him standing in white space, with only a coatrack for physical company._

_**...**_

_"..."_

_...Wait, not that way!_

_Card just shook his head and attempted to change the subject. "Now then, what brings you-"_

_**What was up with those weird dreams we saw coming in? The ones with the music and pretty girls?**_

_"What, I can't fantasize in my own dreams?" He said with a smirk. And you have some very weird fantasy's._

_"Hey!" He said indignantly. "I only have a thing for redheads, you have no right to talk mister feather, leather, and chains!"_

_**He does have you there N.**_

_"Anyway, this doesn't answer the question of why you're here in my dream? Thanks by the way, now I'm definitely not going to get any decent sleep." Card grumbled._

_**Well at least you have company. Twilight's awake too. She had a nightmare.**_

_"Twinkly had a nightmare?" He said with a look of concerned curiosity. And yes, she did. A very strange one at that._

_**Trixie is a very deep sleeper.**_

_Card gave a grunt and pulled his jacket on. "Well, my work is all done. Time for me to wake up. Good day N. Aoc."_

_So long._

_**Bye.**_

_Well, that's everypony so I guess we can talk normally now._

**_-Great!-_**

As Card woke up, he spent a few seconds lying in bed with a look of concentration on his face. He then gained a very satisfied look on his face, apparently having succeeded in whatever he was attempting. Thus gratified, he arose from his bed and walked towards the staircase leading to the second floor. However he stopped on the way, apparently having discovered something very interesting to do with a particular section of wall, gazing upon it very hard. He strode back to his bed and attempted to move it, a task he found was not without a great deal of difficulty. After some failed attempts to grip the bed and drag it, he settled on a process of standing to the right of it, pushing it ever so slightly with a loud grunt, then moving a bit closer and doing it again. He repeated this until the bed had successfully been moved over three feet to the left of where it was.

After a brief three-way staring contest between him, the piece of wall, and his (apparently very heavy) water bed, he gave a nod of approval and headed up the stairs out to a window overlooking a part of the roof. Lying down on that roof was Twilight, taking advantage of the brief clear skies brought on by the weather pegasi's break from causing the storm to do some stargazing.

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I posted the last chapter. We're still not caught up to where I am on Fimfiction, but we're close!

If you're wondering why Card's dream doesn't make sense, it's because the original version relied heavily on youtube link inserts and photos that Fimfiction allows but Fanfiction doesn't. If you want the complete version, go check out the story on Fimfiction. If you don't want to, don't worry none of the other chapters will rely this heavily on youtube. Please leave me a review if you liked this chapter and Thank you for reading.


	13. On Screwing and Sleepovers (Finale)

_**-Last time on The Stallion in the Library-**_

Stereotypically-drunk Mexican Cyborg Early 90s Otaku Kid

**_-And now the story continues-_**

Twilight was sitting down on her little piece of roof, her head tilted up ever so slightly, gazing up at the stars. Her brows were furrowed, her horn giving off it's distinct purple glow, and her mouth was moving, soundlessly listing off the names of all the stars and constellations. She gave off an air of one trying desperately to distract themselves. Fortunately, that distraction soon presented itself in the form of one very bored stallion.

"Room for one more?" Card asked Twilight from the window.

"Oh! Oh, yeah, uhh, sure." said Twilight, flustered from being drawn so roughly from her thoughts, as she slid over a little to make room. "I was just stargazing."

Card came out over the windowsill, lying down on his back next to Twilight. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No." Twilight responded, hoping he wouldn't push the issue.

Luckily he didn't, choosing instead to make an indistinct noise of understanding. "Me neither," he then said, accompanied by a pair of glares that I _think_ were supposed to be at me and Aoc, but to anyone watching he seemed to be exceptionally angry at the sky and the ground.

Following this the two gazed up at the sky in silence for a few minutes, until Card broke the silence.

"It all seems so big from down here, doesn't it?" Card said wearily

"Yeah." Twilight said with a sigh. "I missed this."

"Missed what?"

"This." Twilight waved her hoof between herself and Card. "Us just being together, relaxing, talking, just the two of us."

"Really? But we still do all that."

"Yes, we do but... with Trixie around it feels different." Twilight admitted.

"What do you mean?" Card asked, "I thought you liked Trixie. At least it certainly seems that way with how much you two talk together."

"I do like Trixie, she's fun, she's smart, and she does things with magic I could never think of!" Twilight said with a smile.

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's just..." Twilight said as she took on a downcast look, "You and her spend so much time together, and even when it's all three of us together it's her arguing back with you, her making fun of those books with you, her laughing at your dirty jokes while I just sit there blushing like a little filly." A few tears started collecting around her eyes, "You and her go back and forth, only sometimes remembering that I'm there and... and..." At this point the tears started rolling down her cheeks. "I don't want it to happen again." She blubbered out.

Card reached into his jacket and pulled out a few tissues, wiping off her face saying, "I can't understand you with your voice shaking like that, calm down." He pulled her into a gentle hug until she stopped crying, and then he said, "Now what do you not want to happen again?"

"I don't want you to forget about me." Twilight said, pulling herself together. "Like my brother did."

"I won't for-" Card stopped mid-comfort, shocked. "Wait, you have a brother? Nevermind, not important." He shook his head out and let Twilight go. "What happened?"

Twilight got a far-off look in her eye and, leaning against Card for comfort, started telling her story.

"When I was little, me and my older brother did everything together. We would go together to see movies when they came out, and he would always let me pick which ones to watch. He would help me out with my homework, even if it meant he wouldn't have enough time to do his own. He would play house with me, and even let me play with his dolls, although for some reason he got mad when I called them dolls.

Then, when he started middle school he couldn't watch me after school anymore, because now his school day went longer than mine. My parents were busy during the day, so they got me a foalsitter.

And she was nice to! She would give me cookies and play little games with me as she walked me home from school, she even taught me a secret little dance because we were such good friends. It was a good time, she would take me home, or to the park, or to some other fun place and got me home before my brother and parents did. Then at home, I had Shiny to play with. I thought it was perfect, until my brother asked me to let him meet this foalsitter I was talking so much about.

The second they met, something came over them. My foalsitter started staying a little longer, waiting to speak to my brother. My brother would spend most of our time alone asking me about Caddy. Eventually, Caddy started coming over on the weekend and all three of us would be together. As time went on however, my time being with both of them at once started to become time they spent together using me as an excuse. Soon they started going on dates together, and I was out of the picture entirely. Caddy would still come pick me up on her own, but she started to take me straight back to house more often and would just wait around for my brother to come home so they could head straight out. I lost both of my best friends at once, and they didn't even seem to notice when I just gave up altogether and started my study of magic, trying to fill up the hole I felt with knowledge." Twilight lifted her head and looked Card straight in the eyes, Purple meeting blue, as she continued. "And now, with you and Trixie already spending so much time together without me, and spending your time with me still focused on each other... Well..." She broke off, only for Card to pick up the slack.

"You're wondering how long until your magical discussions with Trixie turn into you reading while she waits for me to finish up?" Card said in an understanding tone. Twilight just gave a single sad nod.

"Well don't worry!" Card brightly exclaimed. "Trixie isn't my type, and I have _very_ good reason to believe that I'm not hers. Besides, most of the time we're in the office either we're both busy, or she's talking about her last discussion with you." Having reassured Twilight to a degree he thought satisfactory, Card lay back down on the roof and started muttering to himself. "7,"

"What was that?" Twilight asked.

"Don't worry about it." Card said. "6,"

Twilight cast her mind through the night, remembering how it was. "This was such a good sleepover."

"5,"

"We were able to do all things in the book,"

"4,"

"Everypony had fun,"

"3,"

"It was all just perfect."

"2,"

Twilight let out a contented sigh, saying "Nothing could ruin this night."

"1,"

Twilight laid down next to Card...

"0."

***Crash*** and a few second later, ***Boom***

Only to immediately spring back up again at hearing the loud noises. "What was that!?" She yelled.

"That, Twinkly," Card said as he calmly lifted himself off the roof, "Was the crushing sound of irony. And also a tree crashing into your living room."

"What!" Twilight jumped back into the house and ran down the stairs, Card slowly following behind. When they got to the living room, there was a rather large tree sticking out of the side wall. The other three mares quickly came down stairs as well, Applejack sporting some rather noticeable tear streaks that she was quickly wiping off.

"What happened?" Twilight asked.

"Tree happened." Rarity dryly stated, before turning to face Applejack. "I was trying to tell you; You'll pull the tree inside if you do that."

"How?" Card asked, standing atop his waterbed that was roughly one foot to the right of fallen tree.

"I- I don't know." A nervous Twilight responded, "The magical lightning rod was supposed to attract all the lightning within a 300 mile radius. Did I do the spell wrong?"

"Even if you didn't, the weather ponies are all supposed to avoid aiming lightning at houses." Card said, "What the hell happened?"

**_-Meanwhile, up at Ponyville Weather HQ-_**

"Okay, who's been misfiring all those lightning bolts?! Is Derpy up here?"

**_-Back to the sleepover-_**

"Well, either way we need to fix it." Trixie said.

"Yeah you and Rarity get on that." Card said, "In the meantime me, Twinkly, and Jackie are going to go see why that rod didn't work. Twinkly where did you set it up again?"

"It's just above the top of the tree." Twilight responded.

"Great, let's go."

"Now just y'all wait ah minute." Applejack said, "Why do you need me there? Ah should be cleaning up mah own mess."

"Because I have a feeling we'll need you, now come on." Card grabbed Applejack's stetson off her head and ran up to the roof, Applejack following close behind with Twilight only slightly farther away. When they reached it, Card threw the stetson back to Applejack and looked up at the large purple magical lightning rod Twilight had cast.

"Now why'd ya do that for?" An angry Applejack asked as she fixed her hat back onto her head.

"Fastest way to get you up here, now then let's have a look." Card said, gazing at the rod and immediately noting the obvious problem. "Twinkly?"

"Yes?" Twinkly responded, still looking for a magical problem with her spell.

"Why isn't this grounded?"

"What does that mean?"

"Nevermind, it all makes sense now."

"What, What's wrong with it?" A slightly distraught Twilight asked.

Card turned around to face Twilight, saying, "That rod isn't grounded, meaning the charge has nowhere to go, meaning it now holds the energy of who knows how many lightning bolts."

Twilight was completely lost. "Huh?"

"It's full. Dangerously full." Card tried to simplify.

"Oh." Realization dawned on Twilight, "Well then I could just dispell it." She said as she prepared to do just that, only to have her horn smacked by Card.

"If you do that, then all the charge will go straight into your body." Card warned. "And kill you."

"Oh." Twilight quickly ceased casting of her spell. "Well then what do we do?"

"We disperse the charge."

"And how do we do that?"

"I have no idea." Card admitted. "But I know who does." He started rooting around inside his jacket, finally pulling out a large ornate mirror. He stood the mirror up in front of him and then said, "Polar Neutron."

Twilight just looked at him with an odd expression on her face. "What are you doing?"

"Making a- Oh there you are! Hi Tron!" Card said as the mirror darkened and then cleared up, revealing a dark blue pegasus stallion with black hair that stuck out all over the place, and a pair of glasses on his face to go with the very pissed expression he also wore.

"What the fuck do want?" Tron snapped, "It better be important, I have to give a lecture in..." Tron looked to his right before bringing his attention back to Card, "Four hours."

"Oh yeah, It's like 3 o'clock where you are right now." Card said as realization dawned on his face.

"What time is it for you?" Tron asked.

"Oh, about 3 o'clock."

Tron just let out a sigh and facehoofed, then saying, "I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you _so_much."

"Ahh, that's just the sleepiness talking." Card said with a wide grin.

"Where are you anyway?" Tron started looking around, trying to see behind Card.

"Oh, uhhh, he's at my sleepover." Twilight said with an uncharacteristic blush in an oddly soft tone.

"Sleepover..." Tron took a moment to compute what she said, before his eyes went wide. "Please tell me you didn't play a drinking game with him!"

"N- no. no I didn't."

"Good." Tron let out a sigh. "Never drink with him!" Tron pointed a hoof at the still-smirking Card. "He. Does. Not. Get. Drunk. Ever. And he will keep you drinking until you're funny enough to amuse him." Tron shot another glare at Card, who just shrugged it off.

"Oh comeon, I'm not _that_ bad." Card said in his defense.

"Oh really?" Tron got an incredulous look on his face. "You remember my last birthday party?"

"I'm surprised you do."

"I DON'T!" Tron yelled.

"Okay, that is not _all_ my fault, you're the one who tried to drink 24 brain hemorrhages in a row."

"Oh you are so full of-" Tron stopped mid-sentence, as he caught a flash of orange and blond. After spending a few moment working his jaw, he eventually settled on just pointing at Applejack and saying, "Is that Bone's demon filly?"

"Yeah actually. Turns out her name's Jackie." Card said as he turned around and brought Applejack in front of the mirror.

"Huh. Well... she grew up." Tron looked like a kid who had just seen his teacher outside of school as he looked Applejack up and down. He looked at Card and said, "We are keeping her away from Odd."

"Wait jus' a min'," Applejack said, "Y'all know Brick too? Well how is he? Does he still remember me?" Applejack excitedly asked, completely ignored by Tron who muttered under his breath, "And the voice, dear giants." Then quickly saying. "Oh, we are keeping her _far_ away from Odd."

"Be a little hard, considering." Card said as he gestured towards his neck.

"Oh? Oh. Interesting..." Tron trailed off, before he snapped himself back to focus. "What did you call me up for?"

"Oh yeah," Card said, remembering why he brought out the two-way. "I need to know how to safely discharge a magical lightning rod that isn't grounded."

"...Okay, first off: Who's dumb enough to set up a magical lightning rod without grounding it?" Tron asked.

"I did..." Twilight said sadly.

"Secondly," Tron went on, giving no acknowledgement that he heard Twilight speak. "You're going to need a very long insulated wire, along with something to attach it to the ground with, and sand paper."

"Okay, got'em." Card said, having pulled out a long coil from his jacket, along with a stake with a loop at the non-pointy end, followed by very coarse sandpaper

"Perfect. Now, you're gonna want to drive the stake into the ground, then peel off about a foot a insulation from each end of the coil with the sandpaper. After that you'll need to tie one of the ends off around the stake, then find someway to touch the lightning rod with the other end without actually touching the rod yourself." Tron finished, "Think you can do that?"

"Yeah, yeah I think I can." Card said as he gave a few slow nods, already beginning to strip off the wire's insulation.

"Then fuck off and let me get back to sleep." Tron let out a yawn. "Transmission over."

The mirror blinked, and then went back to doing it's normal job of being a reflective surface as Card put it flat on the floor and swept his jacket over it, making it disappear.

"Now then, Jackie." He pointed at the orange mare, "You are going to lasso that rod with this wire when I yell up here, think you could do that?"

"Now you hold up, how do y'all know-"

"Good. Twilight, the second all the charge has left the rod, you'll have to dispell it." Card finished striping both ends of the wire and started to head down after tossing one end to the ground below, saying, "Everybody got it? Good."

"...Wha jus' happened?"

**_-Meanwhile, downstairs-_**

"And that's the pesky tree gone!" Trixie said triumphantly.

"Thank you for your help darling." Rarity said, "I couldn't have done it alone."

"No problem. Now help me mop up all this water before Card-"

"Before I...?" Card said as he descended the staircase, "What." He looked down at the puddle of water that was on the floor, in roughly the same place and of similar volume as his waterbed, which was currently on the floor. And the bookshelves. And the fireplace.

"Well Card-"

"You see darling-"

Card held up a hoof, cutting them both off. He then let out a sigh. "I don't have the time to deal with this right now, just clean it all up." He then left the library entirely, going outside and picking up the wire he dropped. As he took out the stake and started to drive it into ground, he noticed the picnic table that had so vexed him before. Taking a good long look at it, and the stake in his hoof, he got a brilliant idea.

_**-Back on the Roof-**_

Applejack was getting impatient. "Hey Card!" She hollered over the edge, "Y'all ready yet!?"

"Oh! Hee-hee-hee, Yes, yes, YES!" Came the reply, "Ready when you are!"

Applejack, not at all perturbed by this slightly psychotic reply, sent up her makeshift lasso of wire and wrapped it around the magical lightning rod. Almost immediately the purple glow around the rod went out, although that may have just been in contrast to the sudden huge orange glow that was now right behind Applejack.

"BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" Card screamed out laughing. "FOOLISH TABLE! That is your punishment for resisting! What do you say to that!" He said.

As if in response, the mysterious and now ablaze picnic table let out a spark that landed square in between Cards eyes. He responded with the expected subtlety.

"OWWWWWWWW!" As he rolled on the ground. Eventually the spark went out, and he looked over at what had become just a small indistinguishable figure in a mid-size fire."Victory is mine!" He then looked around him and noticed the four mares standing around him, laughing. He joined in with a few chuckles before saying, "Does anyone still have those marshmallows?"

**_-Several Bags of Rarity's Family Later-_**

"Is it bigger then a barn?" Applejack asked

"Nope!" Twilight said with a giggle.

"Is it smaller then a saddle?" Rarity asked. Why do these ponies have saddles if there are no humans here? Anyways.

"No!" Twilight said as she rotated her marshmallow stick, "Only three of your twenty questions left." Wait, they're playing twenty questions and just _now_got to asking about the size? They are the worst players ever!

"Is it alive?" Trixie asked.

"Yep! Only two left!"

"Is it... a six-legged pony with a purple polka-dotted mane and shootin' stars comin' out of his eyes?" Applejack asked.

"Who flies through the air all over the world to hide magic, sparkly eggs?" Rarity chimed in.

"Yep!" Twilight said.

"Really?!" An incredulous Trixie asked.

"No." Twilight said as she took her perfectly golden-brown marshmallow out of the flames. "Oy on reft." She tried to say around a mouth full of marshmallow.

"Well, ah'm stumped."

"As am I."

"Same here."

The three mares turned their heads to Card, who was busy with the difficult task of balancing fifteen marshmallow sticks in his mouth. "Huh?" He said as he noticed the attention he was now getting.

"Well?" Rarity asked.

"Well what?" Card replied.

"What do you think it is?" Trixie said.

"Oh is that all?" Card turned his attention to his marshmallows that were close to being that perfect shade of charred black. "It's Spike."

"What! No way." Applejack scoffed.

"You're right!" Twilight said. "For real!"

"Ok, how did you figure that out?" Trixie said with a sidelong glance.

"I didn't, I just said the first thing that popped into my head that was bigger then a saddle, but smaller then a barn." Card pulled his marshmallows out of the fire, noticing something interesting as he lifted his head up. "Hey Jackie."

"Yeah?"

"Doesn't farmwork usually start with the sunrise?" Card said as he pointed to the rising sun.

"Ah, Horseapples!" Applejack swore as she rushed off to her farm. "See y'all later!" She called out behind her.

"Well, I had better start getting ready at the boutique. So long." Rarity left.

"Yeah, and I've got to go feed Ike." Card said as he gulped down his marshmallows. "See you both later." Card left.

Trixie left as well, after making her goodbyes to Twilight to get ready for her work day.

Twilight put out what was left of the bonfire and went inside to write her letter to Celestia. After she was done, she heard a knock at the door.

"Hey Twi, I'm back!" She heard Spike say as he walked in the door. "Do you know what happened to the picnic table I ordered?" Spike asked.

With a laugh, Twilight began recounting the events of the night to her little dragon.

* * *

A/N: This was the first chapter I wrote with the aid of my new beta, CodenameOne. He should be helping me out from now on.

While I was writing the next chapter, I started talking with one of my friends about manga, more specifically about harem manga and how they have all these interesting girls in them, but the main character is usually incredibly boring. Now, while the story is most definitely NOT going the way of a harem, I realized that what I am doing is essentially trying to take a similar situation with a lot of interesting, complex girls, and making the male the most interesting of them all. So I want to ask all of you, am I doing my job? Is Card interesting to you? Also, is the backstory I'm giving the girls interesting? Please leave your thoughts in a review, as reviews are what motivate me to write faster and better.

Thanks!


	14. Enter the Everfree

_"It's all mah fault."_ Apple Bloom thought as she walked along the forest path. _"If Ah hadn't tried to follow Zecora then none of this would 'ave happened. No, no! Ah can't think like that right now. Remember what Applejack always says. 'If you make a mess, yah gotta clean it up.' But what if she tries to put a curse on me? What if she turns me into a frog, or a newt, or a beatle. What if she just laughs at me?"_ Apple Bloom's thoughts were so consumed by this that she didn't realize that she was at Zecora's hut until she almost ran into the front door.

_"Well."_ Apple Bloom thought with a gulp. _"Ah guess I better start cleanin up that mess."_ Summoning all of her courage, Apple Bloom lifted her front hoof and knocked at the door. Once, twice, three times she knocked with no response. _"Maybe she's not home?"_ Apple Bloom cautiously thought before suddenly the door opened, and standing there above her was Zecora.

They stood there, just looking at each other while Apple bloom tried to use whatever courage she hadn't used up on opening the door to speak. After a few seconds passed Zecora smiled at the little filly.

"Step right in little one, I have some tea that's almost done." Zecora said as she stepped aside to let the filly in. Apple Bloom was so stunned by this display, so far from what she was expecting, that her automatic responses took over.

"Thank you kindly." Apple Bloom said as she walked through the door. Upon entering the door she was struck by just how alien the place looked. The masks on the wall, the cauldron on the floor, the figure laying down, and the rows of shelves with unmarked bottles, along with many other odd trinkets here and there.

"You must have come for a reason so why don't you sit," Zecora said, startling Apple Bloom out of her haze. The zebra continued speaking. "I'll make you a cup of tea while you tell me about it." Zecora walked off to an alcove where a kettle was steaming.

"I recommend you accept the offer." The figure on the floor spoke, startling Apple Bloom again. "Zecora makes a mean cuppa."

"O- ok. Thank you." Apple Bloom hastily said as she sat down on the floor. "Wh- who are you?"

"Isn't it rude to ask someone else's name before giving your own?" The figure asked amusedly.

"S- sorry, mister!" The slightly scared filly responded.

"Oh calm down, I was just kidding." The figure turned to give the filly a comforting smile. "My name's Card."

"Ah'm Apple Bloom."

"Nice to meet you." Card said. "Now then, looks like the tea's done."

"Indeed it is." Zecora said as she emerged from her alcove carrying a kettle and three cups. After she placed a cup in front of every pony present, she took her own seat across from Apple Bloom. "Now then little Bloom, tell me why you're in such a state of gloom."

"Well it all started when mah big sister, Applejack, woke up today."

_**-Flashback time!-**_

_Ah was getting up out of bed, ready to start work on mah chores for the day, when Ah heard a tiny little scream comin' from Applejack's room. I ran outta my room faster 'en Ah've ever moved before, but when Ah got to her room Ah didn't see Applejack anywhere. Ah started looking around until Ah heard a little grunt coming from her bed. Ah took a closer look and saw a teeny tiny little Applejack hanging off her blanket, holding on with her teeth. Ah quickly grabbed her up and put her onto her bed._

_ "Thanks sugarcube." __She said as moved her jaw 'round.__ "Ah don' know how long Ah coulda hung on." __Then she started looking around her all panicky like.__ "Where is it? Where is it?!"_

_ "Where's what?" __Ah asked_

_ "Mah hat! Ah can't find it!"_

_ "It's right over here." __Ah picked her hat up off the floor_

_ "Thank Celestia!" __She said, then she turned kinda sheepish.__ "Ah, sugarcube.?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Could y'all put the hat on me?"_

_ "Uhm, Ah don't think it'll fit."_

_ "Just trust me." __Ah still wasn't sure, but when that hat touched her head it shrunk to fit her perfectly. After she spent some time making sure the hat was on right, Ah asked her what happened._

_ "Ah don't know, but Ah bet that Twilight does." __So, Ah picked her up and carried her over to Twilight's house. Oh, Ah don't know if you know her, but Twilight is-_

"I know Twinkly quite well, and I've been telling Zecora about her." Card interrupted, "Along with your sister."

_Good, then Ah don't have to tell you where we went. But, when we got there Ah found out that Applejack wasn't the only one who was having problems. Rarity had her mane in a mess, Rainbow Dash had her wings on backwards, Pinkie had a swollen tongue and it was all orange and covered in blue polka dots. Oh, they're-_

"I know who they are too." Card said. "I've told Zecora about them as well."

_Well they were all standing around outside Twilight's door, along with Fluttershy and a Blue mare who Ah didn't know, but apparently mah sister did. After they all said their hello's and such, they started talking 'bout what happened, and they all said it was Zecora's fault. Eventually Twilight came down, her horn was all messed up though, and let them us in and she and that blue mare-_

"I believe that mare of blue, is Trixie who you are referring to" Zecora was the one to interrupt this time.

"Well done!" Card said.

_... Well anyways, Twilight and Trixie started tearing through Twilight's books, trying to find out what happened. Everypony started to yell and scream that it was Zecora, and that they should come and find out what happened, but Twilight kept saying that curses don't exist and there was some other reason for all of it, and Ah just started thinking that if it was Zecora who did it, that it was mah responsibility to come ask her for help since if it wasn't for me then they wouldn' be in this mess. So Ah came here._

_**-Flashback Over!-**_

"Can ya help them?" Apple Bloom asked Zecora, who just gave the filly a small smile and said,

"Little one, don't be afraid. I would be happy to give your friends aid." Zecora moved over to her shelf of bottle and, after selecting a few, moved over to her cauldron and got to work. "Their affliction is easy enough to remedy, poison joke cure is an old recipe passed down in my family."

"Thank ya so much!" An overjoyed Apple Bloom said.

While the mare's got busy fixing up the antidote, Card was staying strangely silent. He had a look of deep thought on his face, only broken up momentarily when he took sips of his tea.

**_-Meanwhile, Outside The Hut-_**

"Oh, I look horrible!" Rarity whined, referring to her already messed up mane and coat along with the various and sundry leaves and twigs that had gotten caught in it as they walked to Zecora's hut.

"Plis place plooks horrible!" Pinkie Pie slurred as she lifted up part of Rarity's hair to let her see.

"Oh my!" Rarity gasped. "That place really does look horrible! Nice decorations though, if you like creepy."

"What's Card doing there?" Trixie asked as she took a closer look.

The assembled mare's collectively let out some form of "_What!?_" and looked through the window.

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash said. "I knew he wasn't any good!"

"What?" Twilight, Trixie, and Applejack all turned and asked.

"Well, why else would he be hanging out with an evil enchantress like Zecora?" Rainbow Dash said in attempt to justify herself.

Pinkie Pie started to sing, then realized she couldn't and turned to Fluttershy. Fluttershy let out a sigh and began to sing Pinkie's song as Pinkie danced. The other mares ignored the events, Applejack beginning to talk.

"Now just you hold on a second! Card might be a touch odd, but he ain't evil!"

"Well to be fair darling, how much do we really know about Card?" Rarity asked.

"Ah know enough!" You know, Applejack's defense of Card would be a lot more impressive if it didn't sound like she was getting helium pumped into her lungs. Fortunately Trixie joined in.

"Yeah. Card hasn't done anything wrong since I've met him, and I've probably spent the most time with him out of anypony here."

"Look, it doesn't matter why Card is here," Twilight said, trying to mediate between her friends, "What matters is that Zecora is here, and if Card's with her she can't be all bad."

"Oh come _on_, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash said. "Look at the signs!"

"Scary masks, confusing incantations, and a big bubbling cauldron?" Twilight let out a sigh, "Maybe she's just making soup."

"Yeah? Then where's Apple Bloom?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Shh shh shh." Pinkie Pie went, trying to shush the other mares. "Shecora's joing sometind."

**_-Inside the hut-_**

Zecora stuck her hoof in the cauldron. "Mmm! The perfect temperature for ponies I presume. Now where is that little Apple Bloom?" Zecora asked as she looked around.

"Ah'm in here!" Apple Bloom called out from the kitchen alcove, "Ah'm just refilling the kettle, Card drank all'a the tea!"

Speaking of Card, he chose this moment to stand up and move over to the cauldron and began pushing it.

"My friend, why my work do you disturb?" a confused Zecora asked. "Is there something that has you perturbed?"

Card didn't respond and just gave the cauldron one last push. "Okay," He said as he looked between the door and where the cauldron was. "Here should be safe."

Apple Bloom spoke from the kitchen. "What're y'all talking 'bou-"

"AH'M COMIN' YA APPLE BLOOM!"

"AAAAHH!"

Rainbow Dash and Applejack came barging in. Applejack ran straight to Zecora and climbed up her, pulling her hair, biting her ears, grabbing whatever she could reach and pulling. Rainbow Dash flew in and through where the cauldron used to be standing. As she tried to turn around she was stopped by a yank on her tail.

"Hello Rainy." Card said with a little amused smirk on his face and his hoof stomping on Rainbow Dash's tail. "We really must stop meeting like this."

"Let! Me! Go!" Rainbow Dash said as she struggled to free herself.

"No."

The rest of the mares came in, led by Twilight. "We're onto you Zecora! I didn't want to believe you cursed us, but the evidence is overwhelming!" Twilight said, followed by:

"You made me look ridiculous!" Rarity,

"You made me _sound_ ridiculous!" Fluttershy,

"Bua mafre _joinak_ hicicuas!" And Pinkie Pie.

Zecora just took a long slow look at all the ponies assembled, then turned to Card and said, "These are the ones who you wanted me to meet? They, who upon meeting me immediately mistreat?"

"Mistreat?!" Rainbow Dash said indignantly, "You cursed us, and are trying to eat Apple Bloom!"

"What's going on out here?" Apple Bloom said as she emerged from the kitchen.

"Apple Bloom! You're alive!" Applejack jumped off of Zecora and ran in front of her sister. "Don't you dare touch her!"

"Why wouldn't Ah be alive?" Apple Bloom asked as she looked down at her sister.

"Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was gonna cook you up into soup!" Twilight shouted.

"Enchantress?" Card asked, not taking any weight off of Rainbow Dash's tail as he turned to face Zecora. "Wait, I thought you were a shaman?"

Zecora managed a pretty good nod of affirmation through her laughter, while Apple Bloom began speaking.

"Oh Twilight. Did those silly fillies finally get in yer head? You know there's no such thing as a curse."

" Apple Bloom, sweetie." Twilight said, "You can't just stand there and tell me this isn't a curse."

"Actually, you're both wrong." Card said. "Curses do exist, but this isn't one. What it is, is poison joke."

Zecora nodded in agreement, saying, "If you will remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact."

"Beware, beware you pony folk. Those leaves of blue are not a joke." Twilight recited. "Wait, those leaves are what did this to us?"

"Yep." Card said. "They're called poison joke. Picture Pie, only in plant form and you're pretty close to what they are and do. Though they thankfully are stuck in one place. Well, usually." Card then turned to Rainbow Dash who was sitting on the floor and pouting. "I'm going to step off now." Card did so and walked over to where Trixie was standing, watching the proceedings and enjoying the show. Card reached into his jacket and started to hand things to her, whispering instructions while the mares kept talking to each other. "You need to fill this up and then..."

As Card and Trixie whispered and the others talked, Rainbow Dash skulked out the door. _"He embarrassed me, he made me yank out almost half of my tail, he turned some of my best friends against me and I can't even fly home because of these stupid messed up wings!"_ Rainbow Dash was consumed with thoughts like these as she walked back from the hut. _"I can understand Twilight, she's been spending so much time with him the she's started talking like him, but Applejack! She's been like my best friend since I moved here. I haven't seen _Card_ help her out with the harvest, or make sure her farms get all the rain she needs, or watch over her for a full week when she got sick so her brother could keep the farm running. What's Card done for her? Oh, he found her stupid dog, woop-de-fucking-do!"_ Rainbow Dash let out a scoff. Then she let out a sigh, as she looked at the ground with sorrow-filled eyes. _I guess being the element of loyalty doesn't work both ways."_ Rainbow Dash was so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't even notice she was walking deeper, and deeper, and deeper into the Everfree Forest.

* * *

A/N:

Okay, so good news, bad news, and then story-related news.

Good news: Summer Break! Which means I get more time at my computer.

Bad News: Summer Job, which means I will be very tired at my computer.

Story News: N just got in an accident, and so he's unable to send in his lines for the next few weeks. Since I don't have a narrator, the next few chapters will all be in first person, or first pony if you want. Fortunately we are approaching a very good time for this, as you will see with the next few chapters.

Also, for those of you who are confused, N is the narrator who takes care of exactly what you think he does, and Aoc is the announcer who is the one speaking whenever the text goes like _**-**__**this-**_

Please leave me your thoughts, criticisms, and compliments, in a review. They help motivate me to write more the more people do it.


	15. Step into my Parlor

This has been a bad day for me. First I wake up and I can't do magic, then my friends all come in the middle of the morning and it turns out that they had all been struck by some kind of disease as well and assumed I knew how to fix it. The second I told them that I didn't, they all started freaking out and made it so hard for me to concentrate on trying to find a cure that it took me twice as long as it should have, even with the help of both Spike and Trixie. Of course, since I couldn't find one they all started to think it was a curse and I got swept up in it! I even went so far as bursting in on poor Zecora, who was just trying to help us get out of a situation we wouldn't even be in if we had listened to her advice. If the princess could see me now, she would be so disappointed. Oh well, I should at least ask Zecora how she made the cure. After all, it might come in handy someday. I broke in on the conversation she was having with Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy about her choices in decorations.

"Excuse me Zecora, but how did you make the cure?" I asked. "I couldn't find a remedy in all of the books I checked, or even any mention of what poison joke was."

Zecora, still explaining the meanings behind all of her masks to Rarity, moved over to a shelf filled with books and pulled one out. "Here is the book you see. Sad that you lack it in your library." She said as she gave me the book. I took a look down at the title.

_Supernaturals: Natural remedies and cure-alls that are simply super!_

...Of course. I'm starting to understand that concept Card calls irony. "Actually, I do have this book, but I didn't look inside because the title was so... Weird." I say, trying to fight my blush. "_Supernaturals: Natural remedies and cure-alls that are simply super._ I...I... I'm so sorry Zecora. I had the answer the whole time, if only I had bothered to look inside." I thanked Celestia that she wasn't here to see this.

Zecora gave a chuckle, "Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book."

I told Spike to take Applebloom home and watch the library until I came back. When he left I tried to ask Zecora how to use the cure, but was interrupted by a shriek from Rarity.

"Stop splashing me! What are you doing?!" Rarity cried.

"Testing out the cure." Trixie replied as she kept on spraying every inch of Rarity with the spray bottle she was levitating.

Whatever Rarity would have said in response to that, I will never know because suddenly her hair and fur started moving. Quickly it began going backwards through it knots, each individual strand getting untangled and straightening itself out until Rarity was left with a completely straight mane and tail, along with a flawlessly groomed coat.

We all stood in shocked silence for a few seconds, broken, naturally, by Pinkie Pie.

"Thaity, hur hall hack wo tormal!" At least that's what I heard, what she probably said was more along the lines of, "Rarity, you're all back to normal!"

"Yes darling, I believe it is!" Rarity said, "No more getting caught on every single loose branch in the forest, and I can finally see again!" While Rarity started checking herself all over to make sure it was all gone, and Trixie moved over to start spraying the rest, I noticed Zecora speaking to Card with a confused look on her face.

"How did you make the potion so quickly take away her defects?" She asked, "Usually it requires a long bubble bath to start feeling the effects."

"Well thats the thing about old remedies, usually there have been improvements made to them over time. I try to be familiar with all the latest versions." Card responded. "For this specific case I just threw in some of this." Card reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small bag, half full of some kind of powder. He suddenly turned to face me, saying, "Twinkly it'll be easier to hear us talking if you're not standing fifteen feet away."

Fighting the embarrassment I felt at being caught attempting to eavesdrop, I walked over to where they stood. "Sorry." I mumbled out. I don't know why, but Card can make me feel like I was a little filly who got caught stealing from the cookie jar.

"No problem, anyways," He turned back to face Zecora, "It's a reaction agent, it speeds up the reaction between the patients skin and the cure, meaning they don't have to soak in it for hours."

I was about to ask him what that all meant, but I was interrupted by a sudden shrill scream from outside. Turning around, I saw: a full-sized Applejack, Pinkie with her tongue back in her mouth along with a very strange expression on her face, and a smile on Fluttershy which I assumed meant her voice was back to normal. Before I could even get past the first syllable in "What was that?", Applejack went racing out the door shouting, "That's Dashie!"

All of us quickly went galloping out the door after her, Trixie not even having enough time to remove the spell on the spray bottle that made it follow her. Through the forest we ran, following cries for help that kept on getting fainter and fainter, until they stopped altogether.

The sudden quiet made us double our efforts to reach our friend, and finally we came upon Rainbow Dash's body, prone and bruised.

Standing over it were two manticores, both fairly wounded and both salivating. Quickly Applejack and Rarity ran towards them. Applejack skidded to a stop in front of one, quickly turning and bucking it in the jaw to send it flying back, Rarity knocking her target back as well with a well placed strike from her front hoof to its stomach. The manticores quickly shook the stun off, only to run away when they saw that there were now six mares blocking the path to their would-be prey.

As soon as we were all satisfied that the manticores weren't coming back, we turned our attention to Rainbow Dash.

"We need to get her to the hospital!" Applejack yelled as she moved to lift Rainbow Dash onto her back.

"No!" Rarity shouted, "It might be too dangerous to move her right now!"

"If we do nothing, she might die!"

"Wait!" I said, getting in between the two as an idea struck me. "Fluttershy, you fix up the animals that come to you, could you examine Rainbow Dash?" I asked the shy Pinkette.

"I... I'll try." Fluttershy muttered as she quickly lowered herself to inspect Rainbow Dash's wounds.

"Well, Fluttershy? How is it?" Applejack asked, her voice loaded with concern and panic.

"I can't tell, her backwards wings are making it hard to see." Fluttershy mumbled. Trixie quickly levitated the spray bottle over to Rainbow Dash and quickly applied the cure to her putting her wings rightside up, taking some time afterwards to fix my messed up horn. Fluttershy continued her examination, her face getting visibly more relieved as she moved along Rainbow's body. "It looks good, none of the bruises are to bad and she has no broken bones."

At this remark, all of let out a sigh of relief until Fluttershy suddenly stopped cold. Putting her head right next to Rainbow's back, she inspected two puncture wounds closely, even smelling them. As she was doing this tears started to build up in her eyes.

"What Fluttershy? What is it?" Applejack nervously asked.

"She... she got bit."

"So? It's just a little bite right?" Rarity said, trying to be optimistic. "Right?"

"It's not just the bite, is it." I asked as I lowered my head.

Fluttershy shook her head, "They got their venom into her. Whenever I see an animal with manticore venom in them... they- they-" Fluttershy finally just broke down crying.

"...How long." Trixie asked, her eyes locked on the two marks.

"Usually it's only half an hour." Fluttershy said in between sobs.

"Isn't there an antidote?" Applejack asked.

"Ye- Yes. But it's so expensive that the hospital can't carry it." At this last piece of news, everypony started crying, our sobs the only sound in forest until.

"She's not kidding about the price," Card said as he strolled out from between the trees, "It costs me like, 4000 bits per dose. Oh yeah, I need that back." He strolled over to Trixie and bit the spray bottle out of the air, throwing it into his jacket. "Now then, I will leave you mares to your mourning. Good-bye." He turned to leave, only to stop midway and turn his attention to the sky. He spent several seconds just standing there, until finally he spoke again.

"Well yeah, I could, but it's so expensive, and I would have to take them home, and you know how annoying that is." He said to the sky, pausing as though he was waiting for an answer. Apparently he got one, because then he started speaking again.

"Okay, you have a point, but still- Oh don't you start!" He said as he turned his attention towards the ground. "Well I- True, bu- But if- Even so-" He spoke, switching his attention between the sky and the ground each time he tried to speak, getting a steadily more annoyed look on his face as he did so. "If she- To be fa- Look can I please finish a sentence!" He suddenly yelled, pausing for a moment with his ears cocked. "Thank you. Jeez." He said with a sigh.

By this point everypony was looking at him, and I was weirded out enough to try talking to him. "Uhh Card? Who are you talking to?" I asked.

"Not you." He said with a dismissive wave in my general direction. Turning his attention back to the sky, he sighed. "Now then, as I was saying, I could cure her but-"

"_What?!_" All of us yelled out at once, leading Card to just throw up his hoofs in an 'I give up!' pose. Fluttershy stood up from where she was crying and walked towards Card with a expression of pure anger on her face.

"Now listen here!" She yelled as she fixed a glare on him so powerful that it made me flinch, and I was behind her! "How dare you try to walk away from a dying mare you can help! You _will_ take her to your special house, you _will_ give her the cure, and you _WILL_ make her better! Do. You. Un. Der. Stand." She said as she shoved her face closer and closer to Card's with every syllable.

While she talked, I heard Rarity whisper, "Wow, I don't think I've ever seen her use such a strong stare before!"

Card's lips started to quiver, and his eyes started to water. Taking this as a sign of submission, Fluttershy turned around with a satisfied look on her face only to lose it when she heard a sound coming from behind her.

"Pfft~" Card let out, "Ha, ha, ha, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Card started laughing uproariously. Fluttershy tried to fix another glare onto him, but that just made him laugh harder. As Card laughed, Fluttershy got a sad look on her face that just got deeper with every "ha" he let out. When it got to the point that she looked like she was about to start crying, the laughs started to taper off.

"Ha, okay, pick up, ha, Rainy." He said in between chuckles, "That was worth the 4000 bits." He started walking off again, only to turn around when he reached the edge of the clearing. "Well, do you want her cured or not? Follow me!" After a brief shared glance between the six of us, Pinkie Pie went after him. Soon Fluttershy and Trixie followed, even Rarity despite her look of apprehension. As Applejack quickly placed Rainbow dash onto her back, we started off walking through the thick of the forest.

As he lead us deeper and deeper into the Everfree, I became aware of a pressure or rather a lack thereof. You see, I had been fairly deep in the Everfree before this and throughout the whole trip there was a sense that on the other side of every tree was something just waiting to jump out, to attack me and my friends, but this time it just wasn't there. At least, not in full. I still felt like something was around that wanted to jump out at me but it seemed almost... afraid, I guess. I thought that maybe they just remembered us from the last time we were here, but while we were walking I began to concentrate on the feeling, trying to distract myself from the fact that my friend might die at any moment. What I noticed was another strange aura mixing with the first, but this one wasn't coming from the forest.

It was an aura of protection, of warmth, but not of kindness. It was almost like it was saying, 'As long as you are in my range I will watch over you, but only because I simply do not _care_ enough to adjust my range to exclude you." I found this even more unsettling than the aura of constant danger, because at least that one took notice of you as opposed to just making yourself feel worthless.

While I was trying to ignore just how meaningless it made me feel, I was granted a welcome distraction in the form of Rarity speaking up, trying to fill the sorrowful silence with conversation

"Umm, excuse me Card." Rarity said as she ducked a tree branch, making sure not to get any leaves in her mane, "But where exactly are you taking us?"

"To my house." He called back.

"Well, if you don't mind me asking, where is that?"

"Near the center of the forest."

"_Near_ the center?"

"Well, it's kinda hard to pin down the exact center when the damn thing keeps m- DAMNIT!" He suddenly stopped and cried out.

"What? What's wrong?" Applejack asked.

Card just let out a short scream of annoyance, then he kept walking.

Applejack quickly caught up to him and asked if there was something wrong with the cure.

"No, no it's not that." Card said as he waved her out of his way, "It's just that I just realized that the manticores were trying to hunt outside of their territories, which means I have to go talk with them later." He let out another sigh, bring up one hoof to massage his forehead. "You know, for a vacation I'm really not getting much of a break." With that non sequitur out of the way, silence fell back over our group as we continued walking, with the next interruption coming a few minutes later when Rarity spoke up again in a whisper.

"Beg pardon darlings, but does this seem familiar to all of you?" She asked.

"Now that yah mention it, yeah." Applejack responded as she looked around, taking care to not let Rainbow Dash fall off.

"Same here," I said.

"Me too." Fluttershy spoke up, opening her mouth for the first time since we got moving.

"We've been walking through a forest, the scenery hasn't changed in fifteen minutes." Trixie said, "It all feels pretty familiar by now."

"Maybe." Rarity admitted, "But I don't think so. Pinkie, what do you think?" Rarity waited a few seconds but got no response. I looked over at Pinkie Pie and she was walking like she was in a trance, her eyes locked on Card. Applejack nudged Pinkie, snapping her out of... whatever she was doing. When Rarity saw that Pinkie's attention was on her, she repeated her question.

"Yeah, don't you remember?" Pinkie Pie asked, but she sounded distracted. "This is the place that used to have all those mean nasty little ghosties."

As soon as she said that, I started looking around. Upon closer inspection I could see where the trees could look like scary faces and freshly turned ground that looked like it had been ripped out recently, above where the trees roots would be. I picked up my pace, not wanting to go through the experience again. Fortunately, we were soon out of the forest and came upon a very familiar river.

"Oh, this where that nice sea serpent lives." Rarity said "I wonder if his mustache came back in nicely."

"So Card, which way from here?" I asked.

"Straight." Card responded.

"Wha'?" Applejack asked as she stopped in her tracks. "Yah mean to say Ah need to swim across that river while carrying Rainbow?"

"Nope." Card walked over to the riverbank but when he reached the edge he jumped straight into the river. At least that's what I thought was going to happen, but rather than fall into the icy waters he stopped roughly six inches away from the water's surface. He quickly made a series of jumps from one invisible platform to the next, reaching the other side of the river in a few seconds. "There, now you go."

"Okey-Dokie!" Pinkie Pie walked up to the river and made the exact same series of jumps as Card, taking only a slightly longer time to reach to other end then he did.

We all stood in stunned shock, unable to believe what we had just seen, until Card spoke again.

"Well? What are you waiting for, come on, jump across." He said with a faint note of annoyance in his voice.

"Jump acro- On what!" Trixie yelled, giving voice to what I'm sure we were all thinking.

"What do mean?"

"There is nothing there!"

Card got a look of confusion on his face, "What are you- Oh!" Comprehension dawned on his face as he jumped back across. He walked over to where Applejack was standing, his mouth wide open.

"Uhh Card, what are y'all doing?" She asked.

Card just walked around to her side and looked at Rainbow Dash's wing, suddenly he said, "No, the color's are too similar." He shook his head and looked around, his gaze eventually landing on Fluttershy.

As he walked over to her, the shy yellow pegasus started shrinking away from him. She looked like she thought he was going eat her. Well she wasn't far off, as Card quickly went to her side and started yanking out feathers with his mouth, each tug punctuated by a little squeak from the petrified mare. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven feather he pulled off, and when he was done he walked back over to the river bank and started jumping again with his mouth now full of yellow. This time he put down a feather on each space he landed on, and moved it over to the center of where he was standing before he jumped to the next place. When he got back to the side of the river where Pinkie was standing, he called out for us to jump across.

We all looked at each other, none of us wanting to be the one to see if this would work or not. Surprisingly, Fluttershy was the one that stepped up, with a determined look on her face. She began hopping across the river to each of her feathers, making little noises each time she landed.

Once she had made it across we all quickly followed, first me, then Trixie, Rarity, and finally Applejack. After we had all made it across, Card started walking again but fortunately we were now in a fairly open area and the aura of fear started to dissipate. We kept walking along until I came across something I hadn't expected to ever see again, and was in the wrong place regardless.

"What are the old castle ruins doing here?" I asked. I was sure that they weren't in a large open field the last time I saw them.

"Darling, forget about those old ruins," Rarity said with a voice coated in want, "Look at that!" I followed where she was pointing her hoof until I saw it. A _Massive_ mansion, easily as big and expensive looking as any you would find in Canterlot. The sight floored me, I was in shock until I noticed that Card was opening up the doors. We all quickly rushed inside, straight into a very large room with a few massive chairs and a very long couch. I thought I saw a blue blob, but when I looked again I couldn't find anything.

"Okay, Jackie put Rainy down here," Card said with a gesture towards the massive couch, "I'm going to go get what we need to prepare the antidote. Be back soon." And with a wave he opened a door and disappeared into another room. As soon as he left, we all started talking.

"How did he get this place?" Rarity asked.

"How did we get across the river?" I asked.

"I wonder if he'll be willing to show us around later?" That was Trixie.

"I hope he'll be able to fix Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy spoke in that small voice of hers. The sudden reminder of why we came hit us all hard and left us speechless. As one we all turned to where Rainbow Dash was lying down and saw her drenched in sweat, heard her faint breaths. All the good cheer we felt evaporated, and a suffocating silence fell over us. For endless seconds we stood there, motionless, contemplating what might happen, until a door slammed and Card stepped through carrying a bucket loaded with medical equipment.

At the time a small part of me was very confused as to how he left through a door on the right but came back from the left, but most of me was happy about seeing him return holding a way to save my friend. He quickly shooed us away from our spots in front of Rainbow Dash and got to work with a look of complete focus I had never seen on him before. He quickly took out a marker, marking a spot on her neck with an X. Then he turned and asked Trixie to take one of the syringes he had and to stick it in that spot and draw some of her blood out. I was briefly insulted by the fact that he had asked Trixie and not me, but thinking about it it does make sense. After all, she is his secretary and he's probably used to having her help with any problematic patients. Anyways, once the syringe was filled he poured it all out into a vial that contained some clear liquid. When all the blood was in the liquid, he took out a small machine and placed the vial into one of the little metal rings on it. He turned the machine on, which made it spin and the vial was flung around in a circle. He sat down and began to watch it go.

After a few moments of nothing happening Applejack spoke up. "Well?" she said.

"Well... What?" Card asked, not taking his eyes off of the spinning machine where the liquid in the vial was starting to turn a very dark pink.

"Shouldn't ya do something?" Applejack sounded on the verge of hysterics. "Ah mean It's almost been an hour, Rainbow could die at any moment!"

Card scoffed, "Yeah, if she weighed about 50 pounds and had the metabolism of a rabbit. Manticore venom takes at least three hours to be fatal."

"What? Isn't it kinda useless as a weapon then?" Trixie asked.

"If you plan to directly kill, then yes. Manticore venom isn't meant to be a directly fatal strike, it's meant to subdue prey with the least amount of damage to the tasty bits as possible." Card started doing his weird little thing his does to help him remember if he's forgotten something, where he sort of sweeps his eyes back and forth while smacking one of his front hoofs against the other. He apparently didn't think of anything as he got up and started walking out the door.

"Now hold up." Applejack said, "Where in tarnation are ya going?"

Card was unable to answer as he was out of the room by the time she finished talking. With Card out of the picture for a moment, we started talking.

"Do you really think he can do it?" Fluttershy asked, repeating her earlier question in her quiet little mumble, her eyes still locked on Rainbow Dash's still form.

"He said he could, and ah believe him. He don' strike me as a liar." Applejack responded.

"What if he doesn't think he's lying?" Rarity said.

"Wha'd ya mean?"

"Well, with all due respect to our host we all saw him arguing with nothing earlier... and he was losing."

"Maybe he was just thinking out loud, I do the same sometimes." I said in defense of my friend.

"Yeah, besides he talks like that all the time." Trixie jumped in, "He even has names for them." Trixie was not helping.

"Eve-" Rarity's response was cut off by Card re-entering the room, this time through the same door he used to leave, eating a green apple.

He took a few steps in the room, before his eyes went wide. With an exclamation of, "Rope!" He quickly turned around and left again, all of us watching him with varying degrees of confusion.

"...Even so," Rarity said as she snapped herself out of her confusion, "Darling, I saw him declare a vendetta against a picnic table, _then set it ablaze with __**lightning**_!" Speaking of, I still need to get a new picnic table for Spike. He apparently was planning on using the last one for a private something-or-other with Rarity. Yeah I know it's rude, but paying attention to Spike every time he talked about Rarity would take up so much of my time, I would have no time to study. Anyways, Spike was so mad about it he tried to tackle Card the next time he came over. It went about as well as you would think it did. Anyways, back to what Rarity was saying.

"Not to mention he chooses to live in one of the most dangerous places in Equestria. Twilight, even you have to admit he's not normal."

Rarity's words left me uneasy. So uneasy in fact, that I wasn't able to come up with answer to give her. Fortunately I was saved from just standing there like a foal called up to front of the class- Dear Celestia Card _is_rubbing off on me! Anyways, Trixie spoke up.

"No, Card isn't normal. In fact, he's about as normal as a purple apple at a vegetable market." He's rubbing off on Trixie even more. "But even so, you should hope that he knows what he's doing. Because if he doesn't, Rainbow Dash dies."

* * *

A/N: I realize that this is completely at odds with what I just wrote, but does anyone have an idea for a better summary for this story? It's just that the current one feels lacking, but I don't know how to fix it.


	16. Manor of Mayhem

We all stood there, waiting out the endless seconds until, finally, Card came back in.

"Okay, A.J. I'm gonna need you to lift up Rainy off the couch," He said as he came in carrying a very large plastic sheet and some very thick wide ropes, almost like long belts. "Trixie, Twinkly, Stay-Puft, you need to spread this plastic around the couch and the floor, it's all one sheet so please be careful." If it wasn't for the seriousness of the situation, I would've laughed at the fact that Rarity knew who Card was talking about right away. So while we were unrolling the plastic over the couch and letting it pool around the floor, Card took the belts over to Applejack and started doing something I couldn't see and wasn't paying much attention to due my full focus being on making unraveling the plastic without tearing it. In fact the only reason I even noticed was because Trixie said something.

"Oh, is now really the time for that Card?" I looked over to Card and saw he was trying to tie Rainbow Dash up.

Rarity stopped levitating her part of the plastic, and ran over to where they were. As she tried to untie the belts around Rainbow Dash and rip them out of Card's hoofs and mouth, she managed to spit out, "What do you think you're doing!?"

"I'm trying to restrict her movement." Card said as he tried to tug his belts back.

"Why?!"

"Because what I'm about to stick into her is going to make her thrash around like a fish on a hook." Rarity started blushing and let go of the belts. I don't blame her, my concentration was disrupted as well and I dropped the plastic wrap. In fact, everypony started blushing, except for Trixie who looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh. After a few seconds awkward silence, where the other unicorns and I finished covering the couch and floor and Card got back to trying to tie up rainbow Dash, it was broken by the last pony you would expect.

"Uhh... excuse me." Fluttershy said, "I'm sorry but..."

"Yes?" Card responded like he was only barely paying attention.

"You're doing it wrong."

"Huh?"

"Well... I mean..." With each word Fluttershy got a darker blush on her face, "You're supposed to tie her up around her wings, then attach her front and back legs."

"Look, you do it." Card said as he shoved the belts onto Fluttershy. He continued talking as he walked over to his spinning machine with the vial of liquid, which had now turned white strangely enough. "Tell me when you're-"

"Done." Fluttershy's voice was so quiet I barely could hear her. Applejack had no such problem.

"Dang, you had her trussed up faster'n a shotgun bride!"

Fluttershy was trying to make herself look small as possible to get attention off her. This was aided by Card suddenly bursting into a flurry of activity. He pushed Applejack over to the couch and shoved Rainbow Dash off of her back, placing her underside up on the plastic-clad couch. He grabbed the last remaining needle in his bucket, one with a very long point, and filled it with all of the liquid in his machine, leaving only a lump of gray at the bottom. He jabbed the needle straight into Rainbow Dash's heart and the effect was almost instantaneous.

Her chest started to rise and fall more noticeably and much faster, and her breathing went from inaudible to heavy pants and gasps. It was still a troubling sight, but it was better than the previous lack of motion that seemed so very wrong coming from the always active Rainbow Dash.

"Ok, one of you make sure she only pukes in that bucket." Card said with a gesture as he began to leave again.

"Where are you going?" I couldn't believe Card was just going to leave like this, I mean what if the antidote didn't work? What if it wasn't enough? What if it was too much? How could he just leave me- I mean her like this? Didn't he care? I tried to voice my concerns and was met by Card going up to me and giving me a few firm shakes.

"Stop blathering!" He said. Once I had calmed down, he answered my first question. "I am going anywhere but here for the next ten minutes. It's going to get very messy and I don't want to see it." I looked over to Rainbow Dash and saw her starting to strain against her bonds, rivulets of black streaming down her sky blue coat. When I turned to ask Card just what he meant, I found that he had already left and, turning back to Rainbow Dash, that she was beginning to struggle against her bindings..

The next five minutes or so were all a blur of all of us trying to keep Rainbow Dash on the couch -a task made much harder due to the fact that she was now covered in that black sweat- , making sure she kept all of her throw up in the bucket while trying not to add to the amount in there myself, and hoping that the belts keeping her from moving more than a bare minimum amount held. Not a moment too soon she began to calm down, going into a much more natural looking sleep excepting the patches of black liquid on her coat. We took off her bindings and settled down for a moment to catch our breath, me personally feeling like I had just gone through an all night study session for five different tests at once. In a couple more minutes, Rainbow Dash started to wake up.

"Ugh... what happened?" She asked as she slowly sat up and looked around. "Where am I? Why is my throat so sore?" She gave a few sniffs and scrunched up her nose. "Ugh, what stinks?"

We all rushed up to embrace our friend, knocking her back against the couch. While we were doing that, Trixie was explaining to her what had happened. I only caught the last part though.

"Then Card took us here, gave you the cure, left, and we've been spending the last few minutes keeping you from hurting yourself while your body purged itself of the toxins." Upon the reminder of what kind of state Rainbow Dash's body was in right now, namely covered in black sweat, we all released her. Rarity even recoiled and leaped to the other side of the room, starting to try to wipe the black sweat off of herself but only succeeding in spreading it around more.

Rainbow Dash didn't seem to notice though, as she was focusing on one specific part of what Trixie had said. "Card took me here?"

"Well no technically, Applejack carried you." Trixie said, but Rainbow Dash seemed to ignore her.

"H-he did all that?" She looked very conflicted, "But..." She shook her head, and got up off of the couch. "I- I'm sorry, I need to... bye." She walked out the room, closing the door behind her, shaking her head the whole way.

"I should go help her." Fluttershy mumbled out, as she followed after her.

"Well, that should take a while darlings, so I think I'll try to go find a shower." Rarity said, "A house this large must have quite a few."

"What, can't handle a little sweat mussing up yer coat?" Applejack teased.

"I'm afraid not all of us have the luxury of being always so covered in sweat that anymore just slides off." Rarity shot back as she left.

We all sat around for a minute, making small talk, until Applejack decided to leave, pleading that she was worried about what was taking Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash so long.

The second after she left, Card came back in. "Okay, she should be fine by now so you can all le-" He stopped talking as he got a good look around the room. "Twinkly?" He asked, his voice suddenly strained. "Where is everybody?"

"Well, they all left-"

"WHAT!" Card yelled. While I was shocked by this outburst, Trixie stepped in to try to calm him down.

"Call down Card, I'm sure they won't break anything and they'll be back soon." she said.

"No, you don't understand. Oh this is a nightmare!" Card started to massage his temples.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Card couldn't be this mad just because of some ponies walking around his home. He didn't seem like that kind of pony. It turned out I was right, Card was worried about something much worse.

"Look." he said as he walked to the door he just came out of. He opened it up, standing to the side so we could see into the room clearly.

"Yeah?" Trixie asked, as confused about this as I was, "What about it? It looks like a normal dining ro-"

She was cut off as Card closed the door and opened it again, this time revealing a library. He did it again, and this time it lead to what seemed to be a weight room. As he continued opening and closing the door, revealing a new room every time, he started speaking, pausing every time he closed and opened the door.

"The rooms, in this house, are constantly, moving ar, ound."

"...What?! Why? How?!" Trixie asked, mirroring my own thoughts quite nicely.

Card stopped opening and closing the door, and began explaining. "This house has around 300 rooms. When they first built this place, they got really tired of having to go so far in their own house and so made it that you could get to any room from any door. But you have to know how to do it, and it's really tricky. Hell, it still takes me a few tries most of the time. If they went through these doors, they could be almost anywhere in this house by now." He finished.

"Almost anywhere?" Trixie asked.

"Well, a lot of the house is inaccessible to most, but that still leaves about a hundred rooms that they could be in. In all likelihood, if somebody doesn't find them they will never get out."

"Well how do we find them?" I asked.

"And even if we do, how do we find our way back." I hadn't even thought of that, Trixie had a good point. Fortunately Card had an answer to both our questions.

"Wait here." He said as he left the room for a few seconds. When he came back, he was carrying two large coils of fairly thin rope in his mouth. "Hwt oo et o u-"

"What?" Trixie and I asked.

He spat out the ropes, and began speaking again. "What you need to do is tie one of these ropes around one of your hooves and the other end around something in this room. When you walk around the house, the rope will leave trail you can follow."

"What'll keep the rooms from changing and snapping the rope?" I asked.

"As long as there is something crossing the threshold of the doorway, the rooms will be connected together and move as a group." He explained. He started gathering up the sweaty plastic on the floor, grabbing the bucket as well. "Now, I have to go throw all of this away. You two know the rules. Good luck, have fun!" And with that he left.

Trixie and I quickly did as he instructed and, with a shared word of goodbye and good luck, started off on our searches.

The next half hour was, for me at least, fairly uneventful. The only noteworthy thing that happened was me coming across a book Card had borrowed from the library and said he had lost. I made a mental note to talk to him about it when I next saw him and continued on.

Eventually I found myself in a room filled with rows and rows of shelves of food, going to the ceiling. As I went along each of the aisles, trying to see if any of my friends were hiding between them, I found Rarity.

Rarity was busy organizing all of the different shelves of food, as they were in quite a state of disarray. There were apples stacked next to a single bread that was teetering dangerously on a pile of bananas and canned peaches. All of this was next to a pile of strange grey chunks wrapped in plastic, and Rarity was going from aisle to aisle taking all the food of one type and trying to put them together. Resisting my urge to join her in dealing with this messiness, I instead called her name.

"Oh, hello there Twilight." She said as she hurried past me while levitating a stack of boxes. "Would you mind helping me with all this?" She was acting remarkably calm for somepony who had been lost for the better part of an hour.

"Rarity, what are you doing?" I asked.

"Well, I was walking around, trying to find a shower when I stumbled across this mess." Rarity said, "I couldn't bare to see such a mess lying around, so I've been doing some tidying up."

"Rarity, it's been an hour!"

"What?" she stopped moving and all the things she was levitating fell to the ground.

"Yeah." I gave a quick version of what Card had told me.

She reacted with a surprising amount of calm. "Well then, I suppose we should get moving."

"You're taking this all really well." I pointed out.

"Darling, every time I go to Manehatten I get lost." She said with a chuckle, "This place can't possibly be anywhere near as dangerous and confusing as that city."

Whatever force governed irony was apparently very mad at me today, as the second she said that I heard a loud scream come from somewhere inside the house. We both immediately started running through the other rooms, Rarity staying behind me so as not to get separated again. While we were running I started thinking about Trixie, and if she was okay or not.

**_-Trixie Talking-_**

Well, let me start off by saying that this is a very strange dream. I mean, after all that had happened today, I was expecting a very different kind of night-time fantasy. But, I guess there's no harm in this. So you want to know about what happened today right? Well okay.

The day started off with me being very bored. Card had given me the day off because we didn't have anyone coming in, and so I was left with nothing much to do. I decided to go visit Twilight, hoping that she wouldn't mind me coming in at so early an hour.

When I got there, I saw some of the strangest things I had seen since I traveled with that circus a while back. There was a white mare that I later recognized as Rarity who looked like she was attacked by an aggressive pack of hair rollers, a fairly good-looking pegasus with more rainbows on her then I had seen anywhere outside a LGBT pride rally pegasus, that I think was one of the ones heckling me at my last show, with her wings on backwards. There was that pink mare patient of Card's that had her tongue swollen and covered in orange and blue, and a perfectly fine, if adorable, little yellow pegasus with pink hair that looked strangely sad for some reason. Naturally I went straight to her.

When I started talking with her I found out what was wrong with her. She had one of the deepest voices I had ever heard on a mare. Not _the_ deepest mind you, but up there. Anyways, I stood there trying to talk to the shy mare for a few minutes until a little yellow red-headed filly ran up, carrying a very tiny Applejack.

What happened next would take too long to explain, but suffice to say that they ended up running to the Everfree forest and I ended up following them because, well I really had nothing better to do. Eventually we ended up at a zebra's hut and, after an embarrassing incident for pegasus with the backwards wings who I now knew was named Rainbow Dash, they got cured of all their weird body problems. While I was dispensing the cure, Rainbow Dash got up and left before I could give it to her. One thing led to another and she ended up poisoned.

You know, no matter how many times you see it, you never get used to the look ponies have when somepony they care for deeply is dying. I forced myself to ask the question none of them would, of how long she might have left, and then just left them to their mourning.

Then Card came and, after an argument with the two imaginary friends he has, he calls them Aoc and N from what i've been able to tell from all the times he's talked to them in the office, along with him being amused by... Fluttershy? I think that was her name. Anyways, I don't blame him for laughing like he did, it was like seeing a mouse try to stare down a lion. He took us to his house where he eventually made the cure with some help from yours truly.

After that is when things got interesting. Long story short, turns out he lives in a house that works like one of those sliding puzzles, where every room can move around on its own. Everypony other then me and Twilight got lost, and so when he came back he threw a fit, scaring the horn off of Twilight, and then told us how to find them. He left and Twilight and me went down separate doorways, me feeling really dumb with a string around my back hoof.

Anyways, after just walking around for twenty minutes and finding squat, I came into a long hallway filled with doors. I shrugged and opened the one closest to me. I opened the door and behind it I found... a wall.

Okay, I thought, that's pretty strange, but I just turned around and opened the door behind me. Behind that door was... another wall, with more of the same tasteless wallpaper. I started going down the hallway, opening every door, finding nothing but wall behind each one. I kept on going because I told myself that Card wasn't the type of pony to just put a hallway doors going nowhere in his house right? Right? Finally, after ten minutes of opening and shutting doors, I came to the final one. Just for the record, by this point I was expecting my nightmares for the next few months to include the constant slamming and opening of doors. Anyways, this last door wasn't on side wall, it was directly across from the door where I started. Okay, I thought, This is it. This is that door that won't lead me to a wall. Well, I was technically right. I opened that door, slamming it against the wall. Suddenly,

_Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna ruuuun around and, desert you._

The scream of frustration I let out was probably heard all the way in Canterlot. I bet Twilight didn't have to deal with anything like this.

I'm sorry, you smell what? What do you mean, you 'smell a trans-'

**_-Sparkle Speaking-_**

So Rarity and I kept on walking through the house, making small talk as we went. Well, she made small talk and I politely pretended to listen. I know it's rude, but there is only so much gossip about celebrities I don't know and upcoming trends in fashion that I can stand. As I nodded and made various sounds of agreement, I was paying attention to all the strange rooms we were passing through. There was one that held nothing but buckets and buckets of strange dice, one that had all of it's furniture on the ceiling, and one that had nothing in it but looked big enough to fit all the ponies in Ponyville. These are just a few, and just the ones I could describe.

Suddenly Rarity said something that made me pay attention to her.

"I can't imagine how Applejack felt when Applebloom ran off like that. If Sweetie had suddenly just ran off into the Everfree like that, I don't know what I would do."

"What?" I asked, "Who's Sweetie Belle?"

"Oh, she's my little sister."

"I didn't know you had a sister. Why haven't I seen her?" With all the times I had to go get Spike from the Carousel Boutique, I had just about seen every inch of the place. The idea that there was a little filly running around that I hadn't noticed boggled my mind.

"She's been with our parents for the past month or so. She should be coming back in a couple weeks when winter starts." She responded. "What about you Twilight? Any siblings?"

"I have a big brother." I said hesitantly. Rarity seemed to sense my discomfort and so dropped the subject, leaving us walking in awkward silence for the next several minutes.

The silence was broken upon me opening a door to reveal a bathroom behind it, with a very large shower.

"Finally!" Rarity shouted. "Twilight, do you suppose Card would mind me using his shower?" she asked, already turning on the water, "I would rather like to be rid of all this." She gestured at her body, still covered in Rainbow Dash's black sweat. I had honestly forgotten about the whole reason why she had left, and had stopped noticing the smell as well, until she pointed it out.

"I don't think he'll care." I said as I wrinkled my nose, remembering that my coat was covered in the stuff too, "Just be quick."

Rarity whooped and jumped in. After a little vigorous scrubbing from her, she started talking again.

"You know Twilight, you have hooked quite a catch." Rarity said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"He's a doctor, he has a mansion a big as any I've ever seen in Canterlot, and he's not hard on the eyes either." She explained, "You have found yourself quite the coltfriend."

"...What?" I said in disbelief.

"Don't play coy darling. I recognize the signs."

"Card's not my coltfriend!"

"Oh please, I've seen him taking you out to that little cafe." Rarity said as she stepped out of the shower and began to dry herself off.

"Yeah, with Trixie!" I said as I went into the shower. Seriously, I couldn't believe what she was saying! Card's more like... Hmm? Oh sorry, I just realized something. Card's been more like a big brother to me over the last couple months then Shiny has been in years...

Sorry, back on topic.

"Well then who is on your mind?" Rarity said.

"W-What are you talking about?"

"I may be wrong about you and Card, but I know a mare with a crush when I see one." She said confidently. "Who is it?"

My mind immediately went to the stallion I had seen in the mirror at those nights ago, with his dark blue coat, and his vibrant purple eyes piercing even behind his glasses. The pegasus smart enough to solve our problem without even seeing it. I realized that I hadn't responded to Rarity's question yet and it had been a full minute.

I felt my cheeks flush and I decided I was clean enough and stepped out of the shower, taking another towel off the rack. Rarity was standing there with a little smirk on her face, and silently prodded me into stammering out an answer.

"I- It's stupid. I'll don't even know anything about him, and I'll probably never see him again. I can't even remember his name."

Rarity just gave me knowing look and chuckled a bit. "All right, all right." she said. "Come on, we have to keep looking." She went back out the door, holding it open as I went through. I bet Trixie didn't have to deal with level of embarrassment on her search.

**_-Trixie Talking-_**

'-ition.' You're really weird. Then again, you're in my dream so... Ah, screw it. I'll think about it tomorrow.

Where was I? Oh yeah, hallway of pain.

So, after spending some time just listening- Don't look at me like that, it's a pretty good song! Anyways, when that was done I went back out the way I came, tieing a bit of the string around a doorknob so I wouldn't stumble across it again, and went through another door. The next few minutes were pretty uneventful, although I did come across another hallway. This one just had six doors, not counting the one I came through. Five of the doors were locked and they all had some weird design on them. One that stands out was a set of scales, you know the kind you use to weigh things, with three dishes instead of two.

Other than that hallway, the next interesting thing that happened was when I came across Rainbow Dash.

I found her walking around, grumbling to herself. When I came up to her, her face briefly brightened but sank when she saw who I was.

"Oh, it's you."

"Well hello to you too." She gave me a look. I asked her what her problem was.

"Well, I've spent most of today humiliating myself, one of my best friends has betrayed me, I was poisoned, and now I'm lost in the house of the most infuriating stallion in Equestria!"

I asked her what she had against Card.

"He is not normal!" She shouted. "He's hiding something big, and probably dangerous, and I'm the only one who cares!"

I called this out as the bullshit it was, and she continued.

"It's not just that! How does he always know what to do!? A.J. losses her dog, he has a dog whistle! We get a case of poison joke, he happens to know a super-fast cure! More than that, he always knows where I'm going to crash!"

Now, I'm pretty good at reading body language. After all, being able to tell how your audience is feeling is a necessary part of being a magician. So, I was able to tell that that was only part of what was bothering Rainbow Dash. I pointed this out to her, and she had this to say,

"He- He just makes it all look so easy! We can be working our plots off and he'll just come in a solve the problem while looking half asleep! You're his secretary, have you ever seen him put even a _slight_ bit of effort into anything!"

Here I had to pause for a moment. Not because I couldn't think of anything, but because the only one that came to mind was so strange.

The first day I met Card, I saw him talk an Ursa Major out of attacking the town. The whole time he was talking to it he had a look of complete focus on him, like he was carefully considering each and every syllable he spoke. I felt like that shouldn't be something I tell anypony though, especially as I don't think Card even knew I was there. So I just told her that despite what she thought, Card had saved her life so she should give him the benefit of the doubt, I left out the part about him not wanting to, and either way we had to find her friends.

"What do you mean?" She said, stopping dead in her tirade against Card.

I told her everything that had happened after she left the room, along with the rules Card had laid out for how the house worked.

"Well then what are we doing standing around here! Let's go!" I was so shocked by her one-eighty in mood that I almost forgot to grab her.

"What is it?!" She asked. I told her that I had to tie a piece of the rope around her so that we wouldn't get separated. I quickly tied a piece around her back hoof while she tried not to fidget, making sure it was a fair distance away from me, and as soon as I was done she went out the nearest door.

The next few minutes were fairly uneventful, but I was distracted from the tedium by the very nice plot in front of me. You wouldn't think that a pegasus would have particularly nice leg muscles due to them usually flying everywhere, but Rainbow Dash was a very welcome exception to the rule.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Yes, yes I am indeed a lesbian.

...That bit of awkwardness out of the way, back to the story. Eventually we came to a very strange room. Fairly large, it was all white and very brightly lit. There was no furniture in it, except for a pedestal against the wall. On it there was a little red metal ball, and above it was a sign saying,

"This is Super Happy Fun Ball."

Rainbow Dash let out a scoff. "How much fun could this stupid little thing possibly b-"

She was cut off by the ball suddenly opening up and sprouting two layers of metal blades. They started spinning, slow at first but quickly getting faster.

As the ball began to hover, I noticed a piece of the sign that was previously obscured by it.

**WARNING: DO NOT TAUNT! RESULTS OF TAUNTING INCLUDE, BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO:**

**-LASER BURNS**

**-LOSS OF HAIR**

**-LOSS OF TAIL**

**-SUDDEN VASECTOMY**

**-VACATING OF BOWELS**

**-IRRESISTABLE URGE TO MONTAGE**

**-DOORS NO LONGER OBEYING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS**

**-FEAR OF BARBERS**

**-FEAR OF CUPCAKES**

**-FEAR OF GARDENS**

**-FEAR OF YELLOW MARES**

**-DOGS AND CATS LIVING TOGETHER**

**-AND LOSS OF ABILITY TO SING, EAT, THINK, BREATH, AND LIVE**

"Rainbow Dash." I said, distracting her from the ball that had now sprouted antenna that were arcing electricity.

"Yeah?"

"Run." She didn't need to be told twice.

**_-You All Know The Drill-_**

After the incident in the shower Rarity and I got back to searching for our friends, but by this point we were both fairly tired. After all, we had been walking around for a good ninety minutes or so by this point. Thankfully, it wasn't very long before we came across Applejack in a bright green kitchen, that had a very strange smell come to think of it, looking completely lost.

"Hey, Applejack!" I called out to get her attention.

"Howdy!" She said as she rushed up to greet us with a relieved look on her face, "Oh mah stars, y'all have no idea how happy Ah'm to see ya."

"Yes, yes Applejack. We're glad to have found you." Rarity said as she embraced her friend, me along with her.

After a moment Applejack pulled back from Rarity and I, saying, "Please tell me ya know how to get outta here?!"

"Don't worry, this rope will lead us back." I said. As I looked at the rope however, I noticed that it was almost completely taut. "Speaking of, we don't have much more. I think we should start to head back." I untied the rope from myself and tied it off on the handle of the oven. Rarity and Applejack evidently agreed as they started heading back, following the rope as it hung a couple feet off the ground.

"Phew. This place is so darn confusing!" Applejack said as we walked. "You know I came across no less than five rooms, all that looked exactly alike!"

"Actually, they probably were all the same room." I said. I started explaining to Applejack about how Card's house worked, along with all the strange rooms we had seen. Rarity added in her comments about some rooms she had come across before I had found her, and Applejack told us about a few odd things she had seen as well. This story swapping kept us occupied for most of the long, more or less straight, walk back to the room we started from, which was broken up only by us grabbing some food from the large room I found Rarity in and taking it with us. It was a fairly good pace, until Rarity came to a room that I had found fairly early on but didn't find particularly interesting. Rarity, on the other hoof, was a different matter altogether.

"Oh. My. Celestia." she said in awe as she looked around her at all the various accessories. One wall covered in jewelry of every shape and size and style, another with coats, shirts, dresses, skirts, and other types of clothing I couldn't even identify. There was one wall covered with nothing but hats, and across from it was a wall that was just one huge mirror. Each wall looked to be fifteen feet high and at least thirty feet long.

"Come on Rarity." Applejack said as she nudged her enraptured friend, "We need to keep moving. Who knows, the others might still be missing and the sooner we get back the sooner we can look for them."

"But- But-" Rarity stammered out until she finally regained enough sanity to form a complete sentence. "But, just look!" She said as she spun around gesturing everywhere, looking like a foal in a playground.

"We have to go." Applejack firmly said.

"Oh please, just five minutes. Please." Rarity begged me. After a little while I gave in, convincing Applejack to stay as well. After all, I reasoned, our friends could all take care of themselves, and nothing we had seen since we got here was all that dangerous. How much trouble could they possibly be in?

_**-Trixie Talking-**_

So as me and Rainbow Dash were running from the spinning kill-ball of death, screaming ourselves horse, I finally got the bright idea to close a door behind us as we ran through it. This idea should not have taken me thirty minutes to come up with. I plead being scared and tired. I didn't even know I could run for a solid thirty minutes, let alone at that speed. Seriously, I still feel sore and I'm dreaming!

Anyways, the ball crashed into the door and we heard it hit the ground. I can not put into words, how good it felt to no longer hear that annoying whirring noise! I finally understood what they mean when they say the release from pain is the ultimate pleasure.

By this point, I was out of breath and Rainbow Dash was a bit winded, so we took a little break at the door to relax. As we did, I noticed what room we were in. It was a brightly lit, fairly temperate room, filled with trees. As my breath started to quiet down, I heard a soft whispering.

"Here, try it like this." It said.

Rainbow Dash heard it as well, but she apparently recognized the voice as she quickly sprang up and rushed towards it, dragging me along by the rope. "Fluttershy!" She yelled.

I heard the voice give out a soft, little, frankly adorable, scream. "eeeeeeeee." I stood up and walked to where Rainbow Dash was standing, seeing the cute little yellow pegasus from before, you know, the one that tried to intimidate Card, hiding behind a tree with only one large eye sticking out from behind it. In front of that tree was a little grayish blue... thing.

A very fluffy, little grayish blue thing. Seriously, the thing looked like it was 98% hair and 2% glowing eyes. The little thing was standing in front of the tree, looking like he was trying to guard it, but shaking nervously. The second I stepped into view, it jumped up into the air and disappeared.

Rainbow Dash paid it no heed, and just went around to the other side of the tree and gave her friend a hug. "Oh thank Celestia you're okay! Let's get out of here!" She said as she tried to pull her friend along.

"It's nice to see you too. Uhm... Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asked uneasily.

"Yeah?"

"Are- Are you alright?" The little mare said, only to see her friend looking at her incredulously. "I- I mean," Fluttershy said hurriedly, "You left so angry, and it's been so long since, and I just wanted to know, but if you're okay then that's great and I- I- Sorry." The mare finished, looking down at her hooves.

You know, I have to admire her. Alone in a confusing house for a couple of hours, getting more lost with every turn she made, and her first thought upon getting rescued is if her friend is still in a bad mood. Speaking of that friend,

"Yeah Fluttershy, I'm fine." Rainbow Dash said, "Now let's get out of this crazy place!"

"What do you mean?" Fluttershy asked.

I quickly filled Fluttershy in on what had happened in the house and how it worked.

"Now let's get out of here before something else tries to kill us!" Rainbow Dash said. I won't say she was tempting fate, but... The second she said those words, the house started moving.

_**-Sparkle Speaking-**_

"Okay, now what do you think about this one?" Rarity asked Applejack and I as she put on another dress and set of earrings. I had long since given up on actually forming an opinion about what she was trying on and was now just counting the seconds until the time was up in between regretting my decision and wondering why Card had so many clothes in his house when all he seemed to wear was that brown greatcoat.

"Ah don' care, Rarity can we please just get going?" Applejack plead, but her pleas fell on deaf ears as Rarity went back to the wall and started picking out another outfit while she put her last one back on. I began to wish for something interesting to happen, or for time to speed up. Well, I got one of those wishes.

Now, for some reason, the room started to move. Not shake like an earthquake, it was raising up on one side, then down, then up on the other side, then down, violently and jerkily. It felt like it was being picked up and flung around, and we began sliding around with it. I don't remember the events very well but it seemed to go on for at least fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes of sliding and crashing and bumping into each other, it was a miracle none of us got hurt! But it did end eventually, and when it did we rushed outside of the room as fast as we could. And then we had to go back to pick up Applejack's hat that she had dropped. It took us ten minutes of searching to get find that hat among all the clothes on the floor in the room, but when we did we continued on our journey back to the room we all started from, this time making it.

_**-Meh-**_

While the room was shaking up like a boat in a tsunami, I was the only one suffering! The other two were just hovering in the air. I swear I must have hit every single tree in that room. At least Fluttershy had the decency to cringe whenever I got hurt, Rainbow Dash was just laughing at me. But she wasn't laughing for long, as eventually the string connecting us got so tangled up at the bottom of the trees, that a good shake ended up pulling her down and slamming her straight into the ground where she joined me in my pain.

After a good few minutes of this torture, the house finally calmed down. I was covered in bruises, Rainbow Dash was covered in bruises, Fluttershy was fine but from the way she was cringing you would have thought she was the one we kept slamming into. Eventually Rainbow Dash got over her pain enough to stand back up.

"You see?!" She said, "This is why we have to leave!"

"B- But what about the others?" Fluttershy timidly asked.

I told her that I was sure Twilight had found them by now and they were probably already back. I didn't mean a word of it, but by this point I just wanted to be done with this all. Then I remembered how long it took me to get here. Even discounting the time I wasted in the hallway of bullshit, the journey back was enough to make my bruised, aching muscles groan.

Luckily we didn't have to make it all the way back. Fluttershy's little friend came back, armed with a saucepan. After Fluttershy convinced him we weren't going to hurt her, and explained our situation his eye's lit up. He motioned for us to follow him.

We went after him, and eventually he led us to the other side of the room to another door. He jumped up, twisted the handle, and opened the door to reveal Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, and...

"FOOD!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she sprinted over to where they were eating. Me and Fluttershy joined her, and we all tucked in. After a few minutes of nothing but the sounds of eating. Rainbow Dash and Applejack got into a fight, but I didn't care enough to pay attention to it.

**_-I'm not being paid enough for this-_**

Trixie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all burst into the room just as we had finished setting up the food. The whole time we were eating, I noticed Rainbow Dash glaring at Applejack, and then turning away when she looked at her. Eventually, Applejack had to bring it up.

"Rainbow, why are yah giving me the stinkeye?" She asked.

"Oh, no reason." Rainbow Dash said, her voice drenched in sarcasm. "You just sided against me, one of your best friends, for the sake of a stallion who you've barely known for two months!" Rainbow's voice rose to a yell.

"Oh, is that what this is about?"

"Yes! How could you do that to me!"

"Do what? Disagree about you calling mah friend evil when he hadn't even dun nuthing to yah?" Applejack was yelling now too.

"He's not right! He lives in Everfree, he has a house out of a nightmare, none of us know anything about him, he never takes anything seriously, and have you seen the way Pinkie acts around him? She's terrified of him, she can barely look at him!"

"She was also the one walking closest to him when we came here." Applejack pointed out.

"Pinkie what do you-" Rainbow Dash looked around the room. "Where's Pinkie?" Come think of it, I can't even remember when she left. Fortunately, she choose then to re-appear.

"Here I am!" She said in her usual exuberant manner. Her hair flat, but from sweat, and she seemed very tired, I mean she was actually pausing in between her words for once and she her face was flushed, but somehow she was wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen on her.

"Pinkie, where were you darling?" Rarity asked.

"Ooh! I was-"

"Where's Card?" Rainbow Dash asked with fire in her eyes.

"Oh, he's putting away the mattress."

"...What?" Applejack said.

"Well he said he needed to put it in the cleaning room, I don't blame him, we did get it really dirty." Pinkie explained, still with her massive smile on.

"Uhh... What?" Rarity asked.

"Hey everybody." Card said as he walked into the room carrying a mug on his head

"Oh, there you are!" Pinkie bounded over to him. "Did you put the matress away, ooh what that?" Pinkie said as she tried to climb on top of him to peek inside the mug

"Yeah, I might just end up throwing it away though, we really did a number on it!" Card answered, "And as for this," He rolled his eyes up to the top of his head to point at the mug, "This is just water. You really left me dehydrated."

"I know! It was soooooo much fun!" Pinkie said, "Can I come over and do it again some time?! Please? Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please,"

"Sure, if you can find this place again. Just give it a while first, I can tell I'm going to be sore tomorrow. I didn't realize I had gotten so out of shape."

"But you kept it up for such a long time! I had to stop moving before you did."

By this point, a layer of awkward had set up around all of us. None of us did anything and the only ones not blushing were Trixie and Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash eventually spoke up.

"Now listen here!" She said as she stomped up to Card. "What was the deal with your damn deathball!"

"Oh, so you're feeling better." Card said. "Glad the antidote worked."

"Answer the question! What was with your deathball!"

"Deathball... Death ball..." Card said as he thought. "I'm pretty sure it's in the shop right now. At least, Tron hasn't sent it back to me yet."

"What!? Then what did we run across?!" She said, motioning to herself and Trixie.

"I don't know, what did you run across?"

"That damn... Super Happy Fun Deathmachine!"

"I don't have a super happy fun deathmachine. I have a Mega Happy Fun Deathmachine lying around here somewhere, if you want it."

Rainbow Dash was fuming, and so Trixie was the next one who spoke.

"She's talking about the Super Happy Fun Ball."

Rainbow Dash nodded her head in agreement. "The damn thing nearly killed us! Stop laughing!"

Card was quietly chuckling. He opened the door outside and stepped out, keeping the door open. The instant he stepped outside, I noticed Pinkie flich a little, but not much. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a small red ball. The instant that ball was visible, Rainbow Dash and Trixie both ran to the farthest wall and pressed themselves against it.

Card lifted the ball to his face. "Booooooo." He said. Tiny little blades came out of the ball and it started hovering.

"What have you done!" Trixie screamed.

Card ignored her and plucked a blade of grass from the ground and held it to the ball. The moment the blades touch the blade of grass, they ran back into the ball, and it fell to the ground.

"It's a prank toy." Card explained as he lifted it up off the ground and threw it back into his jacket. "Oh shit!" He suddenly said. Before I could ask him what he meant by that, a tiny symbol appeared on the wall above Rainbow Dash and the ball fell onto her head. This was apparently the last straw for her.

"That is it!" Rainbow Dash said. "I'm leaving!"

"What, no thank you for saving your life?"

"Thank... You..." She said through gritted teeth.

"Wait up, I'm going with yah." Applejack said. "Thank y'all for yer hospitality." She said to Card.

"Yes, thank you." Rarity said.

Me and Fluttershy thanked him as well as we left, Trixie hanging back for a slight moment before she joined us.

We waited until we were out of sight of the house to realize that none of us knew where we were going. Fortunately Pinkie seemed to have some idea and we eventually made it out alright. I came home, dictated my letter to the princess to Spike, went to sleep and now we're here.

That is all, yes. Oh, wait. The Princess did send me a letter telling me that she was going to be here in a few days time. Oh, what am I going to do! there is so much I need to prepare, we need food, and I'm going to have to show her my progress! Oh, so much studying to do! There is no time to sleep, what am I doing he-

_**-Finally, the Last One of the Day-**_

So Card and the pink mare who was one of his clients came back, they apparently had sex or something, I don't know, I was about ready to collapse at this point. I did find it funny at how many of the fully grown mares, all of whom were at least my age, were blushing at an innuendo.

Then Card freaked me out by pulling out the murderball, but it turned out to have been a prank thing and now I have a fear of marbles. When we all left, I had to ask him one question.

"That just now, was that on purpose?"

The bastard just gave me one of his little smirks and winked at me. "See you at work tomorrow."

Then I came to my apartment and collapsed into my bed. Then you showed up, all white and coatless, with your desk and strange machine and started interviewing me. All in all, this was a weird dream. Hey what's that you have? Amnesia wha-

* * *

A/N:

Bit of a long one today, so strap in and brace yourselves.

In case you're wondering, the way manticore venom works is that injects a virus into the being it bites that the manticores are immune to. The virus's main effects are like a mild sedative that is continuously being injected as it multiplies throughout the body, leading to slower reaction times, eventually unconsciousness, and death if not treated within three hours. The way the antidote works is like a group super aggressive antibodies, that strip any viruses they find down to individual nucleic acids. When there are no more viruses left, the anti-bodies eventually die off and leave the body through the sweat glands. In order to make sure the antidote can tell the virus from the host's cells, they must be mixed in with a sample of the host's blood. The centrifuge makes any viral bodies in the sample sink to the bottom so the blood and antibodies can mix freely.

Just to close it out, here are some of my random thoughts I had while writing this chapter:

I need to ask, do any of you have an Idea for a better summary for the story? I feel like my current one is kinda weak. Please P.M. me with any ideas.

Also, am I the only one who finds the idea of a full pairing with Rarity and spike disturbing? I mean, isn't he like, 4 or something?

Due to a typo I made while writing this story, I now want to see a porn parody of MLP where Fluttershy is called Sluttershy.

Have the writers who read this ever thought of what humanizing their characters would do? I mean turn their ponies human. In my mind, if I ever do it I would probably make it how the characters would act if they grew up on earth, and not a direct transplant. For example, Card wouldn't believe in Canada.

Finally, I would like to make a deal. Since I suck at working without a set deadline, I will make one. If this chapter gets two reviews from two different people on either Fimfiction or Fanfiction, I will have the next chapter up within five days of the second review, along with the first chapter of my elseworlds story to this fanfic of mine, which will be called Lanternfall. If not, the next chapter will be up before the end of summer break.

Thank you for reading, next chapter I interview Pinkie Pie. Don't worry, it'll be about 2,500 words, definitely no more than 3,000. No way it'll be 8000 like this one. By the way, new longest chapter yay!


	17. Master of the Manor

Ooooh! This is new! I've never had somepony join me in my dreams before, although you look really funny, some parts of you are kinda brown, others are all white, and where's your tail? Oh, is it tucked in your pants? Say, how did you learn to walk like that, I thought only I could do that! Also, what's are those things growing out of your hooves? Oh, well!

This makes everything so much more fun! Now we can play on the seesaw and go on slides and play on this trampoline! Wheeee! Why aren't you bouncing?! C'mon this is fun! Oof! Hey, where did the trampoline go?

Oh. You're not here to play. Well then why are you here Mister? You want me to talk into this box? Okie-Dokie! Fdjsioapeor ewdjsadjdwior sdjewrj weisajdjweop-!

What's wrong, I'm just doing what you asked. Ooooohhh, you want me to talk about what happened today? Okie-Dokie!

So I woke up at the same time I always do, which is really really early! I needed to get everything started for today, I had to make the cake mix, start the fudge, make the frosting, and refill the ice cream jars! It's a lot of work, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake have been letting me do it all by myself for almost a whole ye- What?

How did you know that I went into the big house? Are you psychic?! That would be so cool! Tell me, what am I thinking?! Ohh, you just want me to tell you what happened. How can you not have time for games, everypony needs to have time for games?

Oh well, I guess I should tell you. When we got to the big house, I was really surprised! Every time I went into the Everfree forest, I would always somehow end up in front of it and I didn't know anypony lived in it! I don't know why, it just makes me feel safe. But I couldn't think of it for very long, because Rainbow Dash needed help and so I went inside and then... and then...

Hmm. I don't remember. I walked into the house and the next thing I knew I was in a hallway and I heard music. Then I saw a pony come dancing up the hallway next to me, humming along with the song.

"You might as well be walking on the sun." He sang as he came up next to me, stopping when he saw me. It was Him. He looked me right in the eyes, and I almost flinched just out of reflex but I noticed something different about Him. It's hard to put into words, It was like... Like he was completely relaxed, he didn't have a care in the world and it showed in his eyes. They were like a cloud, just drifting along and having fun looking at all the things around it. It was so different from those hard blue eyes that show up in my nightmares and flash like lightning about to strike.

"Oh hey Pinkie! What are you doing here?" He said, still bobbing his head to the music.

"I don't know!" I started to bounce around to the music, stopping suddenly when I realized that He had called me Pinkie. He never did that before. "I just came into the door and next thing I knew I was here!"

"Huh. I guess I didn't put up enough of a block." He looked concerned for a moment and then just shrugged it off. "Oh well, no harm done. Hey, what are you doing?"

"Dancing!" I said as I kept jumping around, his eyes following my movements.

"Huh." He turned around and started to walk towards a less scary-looking door.

"Ooh, Where are you going?" I called out as I followed him

"To the dance room." He said as he faced me, "You wanna come?"

"Yes! Dancing is so much fun!"

"Yeah, I like it too." He started to open and close the door.

"What are you doing? Are you trying to get rid of gremlins?" Sometimes I would see Mrs' Cake open and close a door over and over again when we had a problem with the batter we were making.

"No, It's just not responding very well. Ah-ha, there we go!" He had a huge silly grin on his face as if he had just been told that he had won a million cupcakes. "Come on, follow me."

We walked through the door and I saw we were in a big BIG room, with a shiny ball on the ceiling and squares on the floor. There were a bunch of speakers around us, all picking up the song that was playing in the other room right where it was when we came to this room. He walked over to this screen on one of the walls and started scrolling through the songs. While he was doing this I came up to him.

"What are you going to play first?" I said as I kept dancing around.

"Would you not do that?"

"Do what?"

"Smile that big fake looking smile. It's depressing."

"What do you mean?" How could a smile ever make somepony sad? They make ponies happy that's why I always smile, so they don't feel bad around me.

"It looks like you're trying to convince everybody that you're happy so they won't bother you. I have a feeling that's not the case, but still it makes me uncomfortable."

"Oh. Okay." I said as I put on my seriously serious face of seriousness. "Is this better?"

He took a look at me and barked out a laugh. "Now you look like you're trying really hard not to poop. Here, look." He pointed to a mirror. I took a look and started laughing, I looked so silly!

While I was laughing, he finally made a choice. The song stopped and a new one started playing. The ball on the ceiling started spinning and the squares on the floor started to light up.

"OOH! I haven't heard this song before!" I said as I started jumping around.

"I thought you might like it!" He said with a smile, "It even has a special dance to go with it."

I love special dance songs! "What is it?!" I asked him.

"Here, follow my lead." He started jumping around, spinning and kicking. I tried to follow him along.

"Well done! You caught on faster than I did!" He said as he jumped around next to me. "Now watch this!" He stuck both of his left hooves up into the air while bouncing on his right and then quickly flipped around so he was in the air tummy up and then landed bouncing on left with his right hooves in the air.

I clopped my hooves together, "That looks like so much fun! Let me try!" I almost almost did it, but I fell when I spun around.

"Hahaha, are you okay?" He gave me a hoof up.

"I'm fine, let's keep dancing!" We danced and danced, through so many songs that I couldn't believe I had never heard before! I have to make sure to ask Vinyl if she recognizes any of them so she could play them at my next party! There were fast songs that made us go crazy, and a couple smaller ones that let us both dance with more control! There was even a _really_ slow song that made Him grab me and start twirling me around! It was so much fun, and I wouldn't have stopped if my tummy hadn't started to rumble. Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you can't fit most of your breakfast into your mouth!

What's a knife?

Oh well, when my tummy began to roar I tried to ignore it but He heard it.

"Okay, let's stop for a little while. I'm getting tired and I need a shower, and you sound like you're pretty hungry." He lead me through the door and brought me to a big kitchen with a lot green! "You can eat anything you want, I'm going to wash off." He left and I started looking around the room.

I started opening the cupboards and looking through the refrigerator and then I saw a full pie! A really big one too, filled with some type of brown nut. Actually, pie's are one of the things Mr. and Mrs. Cake haven't taught me how to make. For some reason whenever I tell that to anypony they think it's funny, but no one will tell me why.

Ah, well! So I started to lift it to my mouth and then He came barreling in through the door!

"Don't eat that!" He grabbed the Pie out of my hooves, which was really rude of him to do after he said that I could eat anything in the room! I tried to say something, but he kept on talking. "It's my only defense against CandleJack!" He froze and got a really funny look on his face! Like he was sad, and angry, and surprised all at once. Then the room got all cold and He hung his head. "Oh Fuck!"

"Hello."

He grabbed the pie off of where he had put it down, and shoved it towards a funny walking pillow attached to a blanket.

"Goodbye." Mr. Blanket said as he took the pie and disappeared.

"Well great!" He said but he stretched out his words like taffy, that way ponies do when they aren't being serious. "Now I need to make a new pie." He opened up this big door that went Whoosh! up above the oven that had lots and lots of books in it! I couldn't even read the titles off of some of them, they were up so high!

"Neh. Neh. Neh." He started jumping up and down. It looked like fun so I jumped with him.

"Neh. Neh. Neh." We said. All of a sudden He got really grumpy and with one final Neh! just stopped. He crinkled up his face like he just bit into a rotten cupcake, and yelled.

"IKE!"

I wondered if that was the name of one of the voices he was yelling at earlier, probably the one in sky because the one in the ground was a mare. But I was wrong because then there was a POP! and a little gray thingy was standing on top of the shelf.

"OH! What's your name little Filly! Or are you a Colt?! You know, it's really hard for me to tell sometimes and you don't look like a normal pony so I can't-" I was stopped when He started to speak.

"Ike, hand me that book." He started to give instructions to the little thing- No! No, bad Pinkie! I know it's name, it's not a thing! Sorry, Ike. So, He was giving instructions to Ike. "No, the red one. The other red one. No, no, that's blue Ike. Look, it's the one to the left, other left. Yes. Yes, that one."

Ike took the book and disappeared, then came back, holding the book out in front of him with an adorable little grin! OOOHHH! I should see if I can make him a Gummy have a play-date! Then I could give them little hats and teach them the dance, and it would be so cute!

Oh yeah, I was telling a story. I hate when storytime gets interrupted, so I should stop stopping myself and- Oops I'm doing it again. Sorry!

So Ike gave Him the book and I saw it had a delicious picture of a pie on it!

"Why do you need that?" I asked Him.

"Because that was my last pie, and I need to make more now." He said, "And you are going to help me!"

"YAY! We get to bake!" I was going to learn how to make a pie! "Okay, what's first?!"

"Well, first I'm going to set the oven to preheat and then I'm going to try and find all the things we need for it." He opened the book and threw it up into the air. "Let's see, what are we going to- Walnut pie!" He said as the book landed open on the page with a picture of a pie with no top. "Okay, set to 350 and we need... Okay!" He went to the oven and set it to preheat.

"Now then, we need to go and find the ingredients. Come on, follow me." He said as Ike jumped up to his head. We walked through the door and came to this HUGE! Room! And it was filled with so much food! I almost couldn't believe it!

"Now Ike, I need you to keep a lookout for these ingredients." As He listed off the things we would need for the recipe, I looked at him and it was so funny! He was standing there all relaxed and he had Ike on his head, pretending to be all Serious Seriousface! I started laughing and He turned towards me. "What's so funny?"

"Why is Ike on your head?" I said.

"Because if he was on my back, he might damage my jacket!" He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Now come on, the oven will be done in a couple of minutes, we need to get everything." He started walking down an aisle, and then turned around.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Someone has moved everything around! Ike is this one of your pranks?"

Ike shook his head all NO!-like.

"Well, either way it doesn't look like they moved it all to far." We got everything we needed, and then we left.

"So what do we now?!" I asked, I was hoping we could keep dancing! I like dancing!

"Now we make the pie."

"What do you mean?" There was no way that the oven could have warmed up in time! The oven I have a home can't heat up that fast and I live in a bakery! But I was wrong, it was done! I need to ask Him if we could get one for SugarCube Corner!

We started making the pie, me making the crust while He and Ike made the filling. It was all fine until He started screaming.

I was really scared for a minute, until He started laughing. "Damn it Ike, you sunnavabitch!" I saw that his face was completely covered in egg, with the yolk right in between his eyes. I started giggling to when I saw it.

"Oh, so you think it's funny huh?" He said as he came near me, "Why don't you try it!" he picked up another egg and broke it, splitting it over my head. I kept laughing, even while I stirred the batter. After that it was a lot of silence, but not that kind you get when your parents are fighting, or you just told a joke and nopony laughed. It was a good silence.

Eventually we finished making the pie and set it to bake. I didn't notice at the time, but I think Ike had left sometime while we were mixing. I wonder where he went?

I was so busy making the pie that I had forgotten that I was hungry, but my tummy was happy to remind me.

"Hey!" It said, "Remember that you were supposed to feed me? Whatever happened to that!?" At least I'm sure that's what it would have said if it could talk, but since it can't it just rumbled a little. But it was not alone, His belly roared too! I wonder if tummy-rumbling is contagious? I know laughing and yawning are, but- Oh, I'm sorry I'm doing it again, aren't I? Hee-hee~

"Let me show you my favorite thing in my house." He said. He went over to the refrigerator and grabbed a watermelon. He took the watermelon and put it into a box that was just above the counter. I was going to ask why He would take a watermelon out of a cold box to put it in a smaller, warmer box when I heard a noise. Like a _Whirrrr, Shink, Shink, Shink, Shink, Bloush, Thuck, Thuck, Whirrrrrrrr, Ding!_ When the box Ding!-ed, He grabbed a big glass bowl and put it up below the box. He pulled the lever on the side and a bunch of watermelon slices came falling out.

"This is my watermelon peeler." He said. "I had a friend of mine make it for me in exchange for hiding some stupid killer machine he had. Best trade of my life! Here, try one."

I took one of the slices out of the bowl and so did He, but when I tried to take a bite I was stopped when I saw him open up his refrigerator again.

"Are you going to get another watermelon?" I didn't think that we could eat two. But I will never find out, because he pulled out a bunch of tall cans.

"HHHH! Are those-?" I asked.

"Every flavor of whipped cream imaginable." He said. He grabbed a brown and black one and a salt shaker and put on the same table as the bowl.

"What are you doing?" I asked, "I'm not sure, but I think salt doesn't go on sweet things." I learned that when I tried putting seawater into the cupcake mix. But that was a long time ago, like almost a whole week!

He took a slice of melon and sprinkled it with salt. Then He flipped it over and started making layers of whipped cream, first one brown then black then brown then black over and over and over until it was bigger than my face! He took a bite of it a let out a sound that sound like a cross between a yelp and a kitty cat purring.

"Here, try it." He hoofed over his slice. I took a big bite and nearly got my mouth around his hoof by accident.

"Oh, I am so sorry!" That keeps on happening, and I'm trying to stop it, but I keep forgetting how big my mouth is. He wasn't angry though, he just laughed. "Don't worry, there's plenty more." And there was! He had raspberry whip cream, and strawberry, and something he called a snozzberry and lemon and peach and banana and vanilla and marshmallow and apple and cherry, but actually I don't think he had plain, and he also had the chocolate and peanut butter that he put on his first slice of course!

We ate, and we ate, and we ate, until the stove went Ding! and the pie was done. We took it out and put it out to cool on a window that I must have missed before that let out to a dark place that was very cold. He looked up at the ceiling and saw the big clock that took up the whole thing and said, "Do you want to do something really fun?"

"FUN!?" I slid up to him.

"I'll take that as a yes. Come, follow me." We went through a door and the next thing I saw was a really, REALLY **REALLY** big room! All grey, and hilly, with rails, and slopes, and a slide, and half of a disproportionately thin pipe for how big it was, and a big block in the middle slightly raised.

"What are we going to do here?" I asked.

"It's a surprise." He said. He went opened the door and started to pull out a mattress. It was normal sized, but he couldn't move it very well on his own so I helped Him! We dragged it out to middle of the room and then He lied down on it. He patted the mattress part that he wasn't on and so I lied down on that part. It was just a normal size mattress so I had squeeze really close to him. I asked him what was going to happen, but then it happened so it probably sounded like this:

"What's going to haaAAAAAAAAA!"

"Hold on!"

There wasn't anything on the mattress for me to hold on to so I just held on to Him. What was happening? Well, the whole room was going up and down and left and right, we were sliding and going up the ramps and into the air and down the slides as the house moved. After a couple minutes, He yelled out to me.

"You having fun yet?!"

I went "WHEEEEEEEE!"

He laughed and said "Watch this!" He stuck out a hoof and let it hit a post holding up a rail. When it collided, we started spinning! It was like those rides at the fairs, you know the ones where they attach you to a big swing and start to spin you around. It was then that I remembered why I didn't go on those rides after eating.

"I think I'm going to be sick!" I yelled.

"Oh, sorry!" I looked up at His face and he looked like he was focusing. Like Mr. Cake does at the start of spring. Suddenly my tummy felt all better. "There, that any better?"

I thought maybe I should ask Him how he did that, but I realized that if he wanted me to know how, he would have told me. I just got back to cheering, and hugged him even tighter.

We were going around the room for I don't know how long. It was like when you go to a party at dusk and then you look outside and the sun's coming up. The house stopped moving and we eventually slowed to a stop.

"Let's go again! Let's go again!" Somehow I had ended up on top of Him while we were sliding around.

"Sorry, but the house can only keep dancing for a little bit. You wouldn't want me to tire the poor thing out, would you?"

"Oh no, I am so sorry house!" I tried to apologize, but I couldn't tell if you were supposed to apologize to a house through the ceiling or the floor, and so I just kept on looking up and down and up and down and up and down and- Oh, sorry again!

I would have kept on trying to apologize, but then little Ikey-Wikey popped up again.

"What is it?" He asked Ike.

Ike made some strange motions with his front hooves and then pulled out a bit of string.

"Really?!" He said. He nodded and then turned to face me. "Your friends are all waiting for you." He said."I will go try and stuff this in the washing machine then go see you all off." He left the room, dragging the mattress behind him. I was wondering how I was going to get out, but then Ike had me follow him.

I came into the room where my friends were all sitting, or standing, or shouting. Oh hey, those all start with S. Strange. I told them all what I did today, but they just gave me some funny looks. Then He came back and it turned out that he managed to prank Rainbow Dash without Him even knowing it! I can't even do that! He also told me that I could come visit if I can find the house again, and that's easy-peasy! Then we all left and I had to show them the way out of the forest because they did not know it. Well, I guess I don't really _know_ it either, it's just my Pinkie Sense telling me how to leave. But one funny thing did happen on the way back.

Rarity came over to me and started asking me funny questions, like did he wear protection, was it nice, did he respect me.

Well we didn't wear helmets so I told her no on the first part, but It was a lot LOT **LOT** of fun so I said yes to the second part. I couldn't tell what she meant by respect me though, so I didn't answer that. She kept on asking me those types of questions and looking at me funny. Seriously, you'd almost think me and Him had sex. Then I came home and worked the bakery counter for the rest of the night and then I went to bed and I saw you and you asked me to- Hey what's that powder you have?

Is that sugar?

I don't think it's a good idea to just eat plain su-

Why did you just blow it into my face?

Hey what's the frying pan fo-

* * *

A/n: ***CLANG***

It's good to know that even when magic fails, you can always rely on the old classics.

So, what did you all think of this little foray into first-person narration? N is out of the hospital, so I can start having chapters in third-person again, but I want to know what you guys would think of me mixing it up with the occasional glimpse in first-person POV.

Sorry for being a bit late on the upload, but I underestimated how much time back-to-school prep would take up. Speaking of which, I'm back in school. Yay?

In other news, the first chapter of my new story LanternFall came out. It takes place in an offshoot of this universe, meaning same characters and same style, but is non-canon. It is a very loose crossover with the Green Lantern mythos, but since it doesn't have any of the green lantern characters or settings in it I don't have it filed under crossover. It will update similarly to this story, meaning at least once a month but possibly more. It won't be longer then 10 chapters, and probably closer to 6

Thank you, and please leave me a comment/review! They are my sole way of getting direct feedback from my readers and they motivate me to work harder.


	18. Royal Reveal

_I can't believe it!_ Trixie thought gleefully, using the parts of her brain not being occupied with the monotonous work involved in filing insurance claims and sorting out patient records. _They asked me to put on a magic show as part of the Princess's entertainment! It feels like it's been forever since I got to perform!_ Trixie had been spending hours each night practicing and figuring out what tricks she wanted to do in the half-hour she was given, even excusing herself early from the daily meetings at the library. Not that was any great loss given the circumstances.

_I wonder how Twilight's doing? She seems pretty stressed out about this visit from the Princess. Well I guess I can't really blame her, it's the Princess of our whole kingdom after all, but she seems really worked up over it all. She could barely concentrate on the magic the Princess sent along with her note telling her she would visit tomorrow. The whole town's been in a frenzy trying to prepare. Oh well, at least it should be pretty fun._ Trixie noticed that she had stopped moving, and forced herself to get back to her current larger-than-average workload. _It had better be fun, I can't believe this many ponies waited until today to reschedule their appointments. Thank Celestia-_ Trixie paused a moment to appreciate the irony of thanking the pony who's the reason she's in this mess, _Thank Celestia that Card's generous enough to give me all the money we get for being this inconvenienced. Now then, for the grand finale should I do a..._

Trixie continued to think about her upcoming show until she heard the door to Card's office open, and out walked two mare's, one a mint green unicorn and the other a pale yellow earth pony.

"Thank you so much for your advice Dr. Card." The mint one said.

"No problem. I'll see you both soon." The two mares waved goodbye as they exited, shutting the door to the waiting room behind them. Once they left, Card turned to Trixie.

"Pencil them in for another appointment in a week, same time but on sunday." After they started getting a good amount of client's who needed to be seen weekly, they had extended their working hours to being open on the weekends in the middle of the day. It was a bit rough at first, but since it was on the weekends Card was allowed to charge a little more than the weekday rates. All in all, a fair trade.

"Okay. Still an hour and a half right?" Trixie asked as she made a note of the appointment.

Card nodded his head.

Trixie put away the appointment records to input into the computer, that she had finally been able to convince Card to buy, later. She took a moment to gaze at the picture of calm her boss was radiating. Card felt her eyes on him and spoke up.

"Is there something on my face?" He asked.

"How are you not excited?" Trixie asked incredulously. "Also, yeah just above your lip- No other side. There, you got it."

"Thanks. As for the excited part, I don't really care. I mean, I'm not the one who's going to perform." Card then walked into his office and grabbed a brown-paper covered box. "That reminds me. Here." Card placed the box on Trixie's desk. "Consider this a thank you for putting up with all this recent nonsense."

Trixie tore open the wrapping paper and opened the box to reveal, "A new outfit! Thank you so much!" Inside the box lay a new purple star-studded cape and hat combo. "I was worrying about performing without a costume!" She got up from behind her desk to hug her friend. "Thank you so much!"

"I think you already said that." Card pointed out as he hugged her back.

"I don't care! Thank you!" She let go of Card and put on her new clothes. "Well, how do I look?" She struck a pose.

"You look-" Card was interrupted by a rolled up sheet of levitating paper very rudely appearing directly in front of his eyes. "Oh come on, does he not know the meaning of the word 'vacation'?" He grabbed the roll out of the air and peeled up the wax seal, leaving Trixie looking at an upside down seal and the blank side of a letter. But her mind was not un-occupied.

_That was one of the cleanest transports I've ever seen. No whirling dust, no flash of light, just suddenly there. If it didn't appear right in front of you, you probably wouldn't notice it._ Trixie admiration for the spell's caster was cut short as she noticed the seal. _What a strange looking mark. Just a sun with twelve tendrils, how boring. At least the horseshoe Celestia puts on her letter's to Twilight has little holes for decoration._ Trixie was snapped out of her reverie by Card rolling up the scroll and throwing it in his jacket with a scowl on his face.

"How the hell did this happen." He muttered. "What lis-" A small postcard appeared in front of Card's eyes, in much the same remarkably unremarkable manner as the scroll.

"Oh," Card said as he took it out of the air, "Well, I guess this isn't so ba-" Irony must have it out for ponies in this town, because the postcard suddenly had its backside flip down, and down again, leaving Card with a list three times bigger than the one he had before. Card sighed, and began to rub his temples.

"This is going to take me ages." Card muttered, "I don't have any appointments tomorrow right?" He asked Trixie.

"No, everypony rescheduled." Trixie said after a quick glance at the appointment calendar file she kept open on her computer. "The next appointment you have after today isn't until Sunday."

"Great. Well, it looks like I'm probably going to have to miss your show. You think you can handle it without me there?" He said in a friendly semi-condescending tone.

Any sorrow Trixie felt at her friend not being able see one of the biggest performance's of her life was dashed away immediately, but she still had to ask, "Why? What's going on?"

"Nothing serious," Card reassured her, seeing the worried look on her face, "Just a mistake I made that's going to take a long time to clean up. If I leave as soon as we're done here, I should be able to be back in town by tomorrow evening." He took a quick look at the clock they had mounted on the wall. "Now then, I have to go get things ready for our next client. See ya."

Trixie waved at him as he went into the office. _Now then, back to filing._ She turned around and saw the stack of papers that she still needed to go through. _Joy._

_**-Closing Time-**_

"Take care." Card said as the last patient of the day left the office. "Okay, Trixie could you lock up?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great." Card threw a key on Trixie's desk and rushed out the door.

A few minutes later, Trixie had finished locking up all the files and left the building carrying her new costume in a bag. _I had better put this away before I go visit Twilight. Should probably pick up Relicarywhile I'm there, It's probably overdue by now._ Trixie thought. She started down the road that lead to her apartment, mulling over her planned set for the show. She was so caught up in her thoughts, she didn't notice she was home until she had nearly slammed into the front door.

She entered in the passkey to let herself in, and rode the elevator up to the floor her apartment was located on. As she walked in she once again noticed the mess on her floor, and once again contemplated tidying up all the books and knick-knacks that cluttered it up. _Oh, why bother. It's not like anypony else will ever see the inside of this place._ Since she had moved in all those months ago, Trixie had yet to have any guests over. Not Card, not Twilight, and as for inviting mares to stay over, it was kinda hard to do that when there were no places in town to pick any up.

_Damn small town._ Trixie thought, _The closest thing to a club here is when Pinkie throws her parties, and all the mares there are either straight or taken._ While she was bemoaning her lack of a sex life, she dropped the bag with the costume onto her queen-sized bed, _Damn waste of money,_ and picked up the trashy romance from her nightstand. When she was nearly out the door, her stomach rumbled. She went over to her small kitchen and looked into her refrigerator, seeing it was empty aside from a half full carton of milk, and few apples, some carrots, and container that held what was left of the salad she ordered for lunch a couple of days ago. Taking the salad out, she reminded herself to go shopping for food.

After she finished her meal, she grabbed the book and left her apartment, leaving her plate on the table to clean at some later time. As she walked across town to the library, she saw signs of ponies hard at work, from street cleaners picking up any loose speck of dust they saw to shop-owners arranging and rearranging their window displays. _Guess this far out in the country, a casual visit from Princess Celestia is a huge deal._ She thought, _Although, I guess Twilight played a big part in whipping them up into this big of a frenzy._ Trixie let out a small chuckle as she remembered how much her friend was flipping out.

A little while later, she finally arrived at the library. "Twilight, I brought back- Hey, where's Twilight?" Trixie asked as she looked around the room.

"She's off trying to make sure everypony _else's_ house looks nice." Spike said with a hint of scorn as he balanced precariously on a ladder, trying to fit a book back into it's place.

_Poor Spike._ Trixie thought as she looked around at the mess. _Maybe I should help him._ "Do you want some help?" She called at the pre-pubescent dragon, shocking him out of his concentration and making him tumble down the ladder into knocking over a huge pillar of books.

"Would you?" He asked as he dug himself out of the pile.

"Okay, stand back." Trixie focused on her horn, forcing her magic to her will. A faint pink glow surrounded her horn, along with ten books. She called them over to her and, after checking all of their spines, sent them over to the places in the shelves they belonged, simultaneously picking up ten more books and bringing them over to herself. She repeated this cycle four times until she suddenly stopped. Panting heavily, she walked over to the bathroom to wipe the sweat out of her eyes, an awestruck dragon following her.

"Wow! Twilight can't do anything like that!" Spike said, "I mean, she can levitated books into their shelves, but she whenever she tries doing more than one at a time, the- Hey, are you okay?" He asked, noticing Trixie all but hanging off of the bathroom sink. "You look like you just ran through all of Ponyville."

"Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine." Trixie said in between gasps for air, "That… That just takes a… Alot of energy." She turned on the bathroom faucet and began drinking from the stream of water.

"You sure you're fine? I can do the rest of this by myself, you put away most of books that were up really high."

"Ahhhhh." Trixie sighed as she removed her mouth from the water, "Nah, don't worry. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be able to help you with the rest of them." She said.

"Okay, if you're sure." Spike said doubtfully as he went back into the library.

After a while, they finally finished cleaning up the mess.

"Yeesh, it's dark." Spike said as he looked out the window.

"Yeah, it's almost winter. Nights are getting longer." Trixie responded.

"Oh hey, Twilight's back." Spike ran to the entrance and opened up the door for his returning master. "How's it been?"

"Great!" Twilight said jubilantly, "Everything's going perfectly according to plan! And, I got this fellow!" Twilight bowed her head, and out of her hair came…

"A flying ping-pong?" Trixie asked.

"It's called a Parasprite. Go to Fluttershy's she'll be happy to give you one." Twilight said.

"No thanks, I don't do well with pets."

"You sure?" Twilight pressed.

"Yeah. Oh, that reminds me. Card told me to tell you that he won't be here for the parade. Apparently something more important came up."

Twilight was shocked, "What could be more important than a visit from the Princess?"

Trixie shrugged her shoulders, "Oh, and don't worry. I won't bother you tomorrow night. I know you probably want to spend some time alone with the Princess, without anypony else here."

"What! Of course I want you here." Twilight came over to Trixie and gave her a hug. "Why wouldn't I want the Princess to meet my best friend?"

"Oh…" Trixie was left speechless. "Well then. Uhm. It's getting dark, I should probably be heading to bed. I'm probably going to spend all of tomorrow worrying about my performance. I'll see you after my show."

"Oh dear!" Twilight took a look at the clock. "I should be going to sleep too, I can't see the Princess all tired. Good night!"

"Yeah, good night." Trixie gave Twilight a hug to pay her back for the one she just gave her and left.

_**-The Next Day-**_

"Thank you! Thank you!" Trixie yelled to make her voice heard over the roar of the crowd, "The Great and Powerful Trixie would love to stay, but her time is up. Thank you all and," Trixie took a bow a swept off her hat, moving it in front of her body as she did so. She quickly cast a light illusion over her audience, making it seem as though the parts of her body that had the hat swept over them had disappeared. Once the illusion had gotten to the point that her whole body had vanished she dropped her hat in front of herself, letting it flop there on the floor. "Good-bye." She said quietly, warmly, using her magic to send out the sound to the ears of every pony in her audience making it seem like a good-bye from an old friend. While the crowd was still raving, the curtain dropped down.

Trixie let out a sigh of relief, _Whew, glad that's over with._ She thought, _I hope nopony noticed my little slip-up at the beginning._ She remembered how her first illusion faltered when she saw Princess Celestia standing in the front row center, along with Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Spike, Rainbow Dash, and the cute yellow pegasus, the really shy one whose wings kept on fluttering whenever she made something suddenly appear. _What was her name again? Butterscotch? No, that doesn't sound quite right._

_I wonder why Twilight looked so tired though? Did something happen today?_ Trixie hadn't left her apartment since she woke up, she had spent the whole day working on making sure the show was perfect._Town square did look like a bit of a mess._ She mused as she picked up her hat and walked off the stage, checking it for dust. _Let's see, there are still three more shows, so thats about an hour and a half. Then there's the big party after that, and that's supposed to go 'till midnight._ Trixie packed away her new costume into a bag and went out of the backstage area. She could hear the band that was following her act start their set.

She toyed with the thought of going down to sit with Twilight, but the area around her happened to be part of the area around the Princess, which was packed. None of the acts coming up really interested her all that much either. _Well, no point in sticking around here. Might as well go home._

Trixie was walking out of the building, carrying her bag, relishing the evening air, and enjoying the sense of well-earned emptiness that came with knowing that the information you had crammed into your brain had served its purpose and could now be let go.

A shout of "Trixie!" came from just behind her. She turned around and saw Twilight exiting the theater, along with-

"Your majesty!" Trixie gave a quick curtsy, only for the bag of clothes she had balanced upon her back to tumble off. They were saved from hitting the ground by a soft green aura.

"Oh please, there is no need for that." Celestia said as she lowered the bag to the ground. Despite her words, she had an expression of faint joy on her face.

"I- I am so sorry." Trixie stuttered out as she attempted to levitate her bag back onto her back, a task made much more difficult by the fact that her nervousness made her unable to properly steady the bag.

"Here, let me." Twilight said as her bright, bold, purple glow replaced Trixie's faint, pale, blue one around the bag. Once the bag was steadied by her, the three started moving towards the library and Trixie was suddenly struck with the realization that something was wrong.

"Forgive me for asking this Princess, but why aren't you still inside enjoying the rest of the show? Also if you're out here, where's Spike?" Okay so I was wrong, it was two things.

"Spike wanted to keep watching the show." Twilight said, by which she meant, 'Spike wanted to keep watching Rarity watch the show,' "And Princess Celestia wanted to leave."

"I'm afraid that I wasn't terribly interested in most of those performances." Celestia said, "I was going to simply appear at the start and then quietly make my leave, but my dear little student _insisted_ on staying to watch your show."

Trixie apologized profusely, "Oh, I'm so, so, sorry to have inconvenienced you like that."

Celestia dismissed her apologies with a wave of her hoof, "Don't be, that was some of the absolute finest illusionary work I have seen in a long time." She said, "Your level of fine control is staggering, Ms…" Celestia cast a significant look at Twilight.

Twilight, realizing her blunder, introduced the two with a blush on her face. "Trixie, this is my teacher. Princess Celestia, meet my best friend."

"Charmed." Celestia said as she extended a hoof that Trixie took with a mix of reverence and fear, "I must say, it's so nice to finally meet you."

Trixie was afraid to opening her mouth, for fear she might puke.

"I can't describe how happy I was to hear that my precious little student had found a friend to study with."

"Thank you for letting me do that."

The rest of the walk was spent just mindlessly chatting, to the point where Trixie forgot she was speaking the Princess.

"We're here." Twilight announced as they came up the the library. She unlocked the door and let them all in.

"I'm going to make some coffee, anyone else want some?" Trixie asked as she placed her bag on the floor and went into the kitchen.

"Yes please." Celestia said.

"Me too." Twilight said.

Trixie set a full pot of coffee to brewing and came back into the main area of the library.

"So, Princess Celestia." Twilight said hesitantly, "What brings you here?"

"Ahh, well I'm afraid that this visit was not as random as I may have lead you to believe." Celestia admitted with a serious look on her face.

Twilight got a look of terror, _She's going to send me to magic kindergarten!_ She thought.

Celestia noticed the look on her disciples face and grinned, saying, "Nothing bad, I assure you."

Twilight gave a sigh of relief.

"My little sister's birthday is coming up soon, and I'd like to have you and the other elements of harmony present at her dinner as guests. She hasn't gotten very much interaction outside of the palace I'm afraid, and I'm hoping that being around ponies who she doesn't know very well but does trust will help break her out of her shell."

"Oh!" Twilight got a stunned look on her face. "Oh. Of course, but…" Twilight cast a look at Trixie, who was sitting there feeling awkward.

Celestia noticed and reassured Twilight, saying, "Of course, Trixie is more then welcome to come as well."

"I am honored, Princess." Trixie said humbly.

"Yes, thank you. It's not just that though." Twilight said, "There's someone else, my other friend."

"Oh? Your letters never mentioned another" Celestia said.

"I didn't know how to describe him…"

"Him?" Celestia said, drawing out the word with a gossipy look on her face.

"No! No, no, no. It's not like that, really." Twilight said.

Celestia felt some disappointment at Twilight's words, which she could tell were honest and not the deflections of a young maiden who's refusing to admit her love. "Oh. Well, who is it?"

"His name is-"

***Knock* *Knock* *Knock***

"I'll get it." Twilight stood up and opened the door. "Oh, hi Card. We were jus- Yeah, please come right in." She said to stallion walking past her into her kitchen.

"The outlet in your kitchen is just to the side of the stove right?" He called out.

"Uhmm. Yeah. Card, this is-"

"Thanks Twinkly!" He disappeared into the kitchen. "Oh sweet, you already have some fresh made!" He said from inside.

The three mares looked at each other in turn, each stunned. Trixie and Twilight for how Card just completely brushed off the Princess, and Celestia for another reason altogether. As one, the mares stood up and went into the kitchen. Insert joke about that here.

Inside the kitchen they saw Card take the coffee pot, and pour it all into a machine that Twilight and Trixie assumed he pulled out of his jacket. Once all the coffee was in, he closed the lid and began pushing on the lever.

"Mggnhhgnnahggnfaa." And various other sounds of exertion came out of his mouth. Now that he was standing still long enough for the mares to get a good look at him, they could see obvious signs of severe fatigue. His eyes were drooping, and he kept on leaning his weight against the counter.

Eventually he was able to press all the coffee through the machine, at which point he poured the strange colored liquid into a boiling pan that he took from his jacket. He set the pan onto Twilight's stove and turned up the heat. He then sat down in front of it. After a few seconds of watching it warm up, he spoke.

"Boil, damn you." He said with a look directed at the pan that may have been called a glare if it wasn't being delivered through eyes that were fighting to stay open.

"I could make it boil right now." Celestia offered. Card didn't even turn to look at her.

"H-" Card sighed, putting his hoof firmly onto his forehead. "I'm tired, would one of you two explain to her why that wouldn't work." He said as he waved his hoof around in Trixie and Twilight's general direction.

The two previously mentioned mares jaws slammed straight into the ground. Card was insulting the Princess! The most powerful mare in Equestria! What was he thinking? Did he want to take a little trip to the moon. They focused their gaze onto Celestia, trying to see how she would react to this. She shrugged it off.

"Are you making Klava?" She asked.

Card let out a sound that was heading towards being a grunt of affirmation but got lost along the way.

"Might I have some?"

Same sound again. That was the last noise in the room for the next minute until the liquid finally boiled, a thin layer of oil covering the top of it. Card setup a filter cloth and poured the Klava through into a large container. From that container, he decanted the steaming hot klava into a mug and added some cream and sugar to it.

He took a deep draught. As he drank, he became noticeably more awake. He lowered the mug for a second and let out a deep, satisfied, "Aaaahhhhh."

When she saw that he was finally fully coherent, Celestia said, "Hello Card."

Card took one look at her and went right back to drinking.

Celestia was confused for a brief moment, before she look down and saw that she was wearing her regalia. With a short little chuckle at herself, she levitated her necklace and her tiara off of her body.

Once the two pieces of jewelry were safely on a table, She turned her attention back to Card, who know had his full focus on her.

She flared up her wings, and extended her forelegs. Card saw this and rolled his eyes, but he put down his drink and walked over to her.

"It's good to see you again Card." Celestia said as she embraced him.

"Yeah, it's nice to see you too auntie."

* * *

A/N: It is now my headcanon that Equestria falls under a ruinous cataclysm, the only survivor of which is a fully-grown Spike, who is so weakened that he must now spend most of his time as a doll. Spike is then somehow transported to earth by the powers that be.

He is found in his doll form by some small children, who don't know what he is. He resolves that he will not let all that Twilight has taught him about friendship go to waste, he must teach these poor minds.

So, one day when one of the children take him to school, he turns into his full form. The children are to young to understand that they should fear the giant bipedal purple and green dragon, instead they look upon him with wonder.

Spike decides to introduce himself, but how? He can't keep on calling himself Spike, what kind of impression would that give. He racks his brain for a new name, and suddenly it hits him. The perfect name.

So, he takes a deep breath and says,

"Hiya kids! I'm Barney!"

If you like this story, please go read LanternFall. It's in the same style as this, but it has a plot. Kinda. More of a plot then this does. Just go read it, you won't be disappointed

Also, feel free to leave your hate over the last sentence/joy over the whole chapter in the review/comments section. Thank You!


	19. Realization

Honey. Cream. A strange hint of hickory that should have seemed out of place but flowed beautifully into thick scent of the coffee. This strange, enticing mix of smells brought Twilight back into consciousness. As she opened her eyelids, she became aware of a blurry figure standing over her. The groggy blurriness that accompanies waking up soon based and the figure soon resolved itself into Princess Celestia.

"Oh good! You're awake." Celestia said as she lowered the mug she was levitating in front of Twilight's nostrils onto the floor.

"Ughh." Twilight said as she attempted to force herself to sit upright. "What happened. Ow." She gingerly touched the side of her head, finding a small bump that wasn't there before.

"You fainted." Trixie said from the place where she sat on the floor, drinking from a mug that had the same smell as the one that revived Twilight.

"Why?" Twilight asked. "Did another pillow hit me?

"No." Trixie said.

"Well then what happened?"

"Beats me." Card said as he walked out of her kitchen with a recently refilled mug. "I was in the middle of being suffocated by my dear old auntie- Oh there she goes again."

** *Thunk***

Fortunately, Twilight was still sitting down and fell back onto the pillow they had placed under her unconscious head. As such, reviving her was a much simpler task the second time around. This time it was Card who was standing over her as she awoke, Trixie still at her side.

Twilight reacted with the grace you would expect her to, "Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-" She said as she did a stunning impression of a fish gasping for breath.

Card lightly smacked her to get her back to her senses. Once that was done he asked, "Are you okay?"

Twilight nodded dumbly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Good." Card said as he helped her back to her feet. "What are you looking at?" He asked Celestia.

Celestia was gazing at the three with the most peculiar expression upon her royal visage. "Nothing." She said with a slight smile.

"Right. Well, if that's all." Card left the library room and went back into the kitchen. Shortly after, the three mares could hear the sink turn on.

"Twilight, are you sure you're okay?" Trixie asked.

"Y- yeah. I'm fine." Twilight's mind cast out, looking for something, anything that could change the subject. She finally saw her opportunity when her gaze fell upon an unclaimed mug on the table. She quickly levitated it over to herself. "What's this?"

"That is Klava." Celestia said, "It's a very good drink that is quite popular farther in the north-east."

Twilight gave it a try. As she did, her mouth became overrun by sensation. The sticky sweetness of honey, diluted and yet strengthened by the strange thickness of cream. Right there alongside it, not melding together but not completely separate either, was the fresh, rousing taste of coffee, but without any of the bitterness accompanying it that she had grown accustomed to. All of these tastes, held together by the faint undercurrent of hot cinnamon and smoky hickory.

"Wow." Twilight said, her vast vocabulary taking a momentary leave to allow her brain more processing power to enjoy the experience.

"I know." Trixie agreed.

As Twilight prepared herself for another sip, her eyes fell upon her clock. "10:25! How is it so late?"

"The first time you passed out, it took us awhile to wake you up." Celestia explained, "Card had the idea of using the klava as a type of smelling-salt."

This reminder of her fainting and, more importantly, the reason she fainted, caused an awkward silence come over Twilight as she stood there sipping her drink.

Eventually, the sink in the kitchen turned off and Card came out.

"Well it's been fun, but I really need to get going." Card announced as he head to the door.

"Oh no you don't." Celestia said.

Card groaned. "What? I still have to send in my report, and I have work in the morning."

"You're not heading out alone like that." Celestia was firm, "You look like you're about to fall over."

Indeed, in the hours between Card arriving and having his Klava, his body had gotten over the initial caffeine rush and signs of tiredness were once more decorating his face. Signs that became obvious to Twilight and Trixie once Celestia had pointed them out.

"I'll be fine," Card said. As he turned to face his aunt, he caught sight of the looks of worry on his best friends faces. He sighed. "Look, if it bothers you that much, I'll call up an escort." He reached into his jacket and drew out a small bell made out of some strange purple substance.

The sound it made as he rang it was quite quiet, almost non-existent, but it seemed to reverberate in the bones of those who heard it. He tossed it back into his jacket and took a seat by the door.

Trixie, deciding that now that one of her friends was no longer unconscious it was the perfect time to tease the other one, said "So, your Highness-" And was immediately cut off.

"Don't." Card said as he held up a hoof. "Please, just- don't." This wasn't like Celestia where the dismissal of formalities was done with a small smile, showing that she did get a thrill out of being called Princess. As Card asked Trixie not to call him, "Your Highness," His expression was uncomfortable, almost pained.

Suddenly, Card stood up. "Come on Trixie." He said.

"What?"

"I'm not going to have you coming into work tomorrow all drowsy. Come on, I'll take you home."

"Oh." Trixie was taken aback by this proposal, but agreed. She walked over to the door, the Princess and Twilight coming up as well to say good-bye

"Good-night Princess, Twilight." She bowed to the Princess and hugged her friend.

"Good-night Auntie." Card gave his aunt a hug, quickly struggling his way out of it as she started to squeeze him too tight. "Sweet dreams Twinkly," He said as he lifted up a hoof and messed up her hair. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you." Twilight said hollowly, heading back towards the center of the library.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Celestia said. "Card, I know you haven't met Luna before but it's her birthday soon. I would like it if you could come over for a couple of days."

"Yeah, I know." Card said as he opened the door. "The old fogey already told me. Can't wait."

He and Trixie stepped outside into the darkness. "Wait, what about your escort?" Trixie asked.

Card spotted a pair of glowing lime-green eyes. "There he is."

The eyes grew closer and closer, until finally they came into the light pouring out from Twilight's library. They were attached to a large wolf, that seemed to be made entirely out of wood.

"Timberwolf!" Trixie shrieked. She began backing up, and started gathering up magic to repel the vicious animal.

Card reached out and stroked the wolf along its head. "Good boy." He said as the timberwolf sat down, its tail wagging.

Card turned back to Trixie, "Comeon." He said with a jerk of his head, "Let's go." He started down the path and, after she picked her jaw back up, Trixie left as well.

Celestia closed the door behind the two, and started chuckling to herself as she put on her tiara and necklace. "He's growing up." She whispered. She then turned her attention to the lilac mare in the center of the room. "Well Twilight, I must be going soon. While I'm here would you like to give me your friendship report?"

"...How?" The downcast mare muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"I told him everything, I trusted him, why won't he trust me?"

"What do you mean?" Celestia asked.

Twilight finally noticed that Celestia was still in the room. She decided to ask her the question.

"How do you know if somepony is your friend or not?" Twilight asked. "Even if you think of them as one of your best, how do you know they think the same thing?"

Celestia was left speechless. "Is this about Card?" she finally asked.

"Yes!" Twilight yelled, tears boiling in her eyes but refusing to fall. "I told him about Shining Armor, about being an Element of Harmony, everything! And in return, he tells me nothing! How is that a friendship!?"

Celestia attempted to comfort her apprentice, but her attempts were shaken off. She tried to think of someway to assure her pupil that things were alright. Her eyes came upon the pillow that lay where Twilight had fainted.

"You know, Card is the one who put that there." She said.

Twilight looked upon her with confusion. "What?"

"He heard that you had fallen and forced himself out of my grip to rush over to your side. He even carefully checked you over to see if you were okay." Celestia continued, "When he saw that you were fine, he grabbed a pillow and put it under your head. Then he went off to make you Klava for when you woke up. Whenever he saw that it was starting to cool, he drank it and quickly made you a new cup."

"He really did that for me?" Twilight asked disbelievingly.

Celestia nodded. "My nephew is very slow to open up about his history. Even I don't know all about what he's been through. But I do know one thing. It's a very rare occasion indeed that he goes out of his way to inconvenience himself to help someone else. Even if you know very little about someone, even if they are unwilling to tell you about themselves, it does not mean they do not care for you."

Twilight nodded her head. She understood, "Card will tell me about himself when is ready. If ever. Thank you, Princess." Twilight bowed.

Celestia put on a subtle smile, embracing her student. "I think that the friendship report will be unnecessary today. This was very fun."

"Good night Princess."

"Good night, my little pony." And with a flash of light and a little pop, Celestia teleported away.

_I think it's time for bed. Spike can let himself in._ Twilight made her way up to her bed and collapsed, taking a well deserved rest.

* * *

A/N: This and the last chapter have taken away the title of my favorite chapters. I think that they had some of my best writing and some actual character development for Trixie, who I have been neglecting. What did you all think? Please tell me so I don't feel like all my hard work had been wasted.

Seriously, if you haven't already go check out LanternFall. I guarantee you'll like it.

I love my new cover art! It is just absolutely perfect, and Card looks like a nuke could go off behind him and he wouldn't give a fuck. Made by the highly talented, and very patient starlightv over on deviantart.

In other news, the next several chapters will all be very short, but they will be coming out quickly. Also, since the show skipped over winter entirely, and Winter is my favorite season, the next several chapters will also all be completely original stuff.

Next Time: Pinkie comes in for her second appointment, Trixie gets offended, and Card continues to give no fucks. I'd tell you how those were all related, but I haven't figured that part out yet. See you soon and, as always, please review. Thank you!


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